


The Illusion of Safety

by elfin



Series: Intersections [5]
Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Anal Spanking, Dildos, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Medical Procedures, Minbari Sex Rituals, Nipple Clamps, Nipple Piercings, Nipple Play, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Torture, Rimming, Shameless Reversing of Canon, tunnel plug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:07:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 48,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27937727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfin/pseuds/elfin
Summary: They blew the facility on Mars to hell, but there was always going to be something that came back to bite him on the ass.
Relationships: Jack Maynard/John Sheridan
Series: Intersections [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1899340
Kudos: 4





	The Illusion of Safety

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE HEED THESE WARNINGS  
>   
> This series follows the episode, Intersections In Real Time. In this part there are explicit descriptions of past torture, mental and physical abuse and injury, some of which is canon, some of which is based on methods used for coercion. There are mentions of past object rape as torture. Please DO NOT READ THIS if you’re not comfortable.  
>   
> There is A LOT of explicit sex from the outset, ALL of it 100% consensual and as part of a loving and committed relationship, involving sex toys, hot tubs, fairly vanilla kinks, and sex as a part of mating rituals. This is two guys crazy in love with each other, exploring sex together.  
>   
> There are descriptions of sex with dubious consent, some in the past, some described as fantasy within a loving relationship.  
>   
> There are a couple of scenes involving medical procedures by a medical professional for medical purposes. Just a warning in case there needs to be one.  
>   
> 

**THE ILLUSION OF SAFETY**

ALURA-PRISM, AUGUST 2263

The private transport, flown by a two-man crew who had been security-checked, re-checked and checked again by Michael and his team took them to the resort’s landing pad. John’s personal security detail accompanied them, sweeping the room and the general area before they finally left.

Although it wasn’t so much a room as it was a villa, with its own veranda, surrounded by trees, paths splaying out in all directions, each leading to a different part of the exclusive resort. The view was out into woodland, with hints of a mountain range in the distant background, glorious blue skies overhead. Not another villa, not another living being in sight.

‘Do you think they’ve gone, or are we being watched?’ 

Standing on the veranda, John snagged Jack’s hand in his and pulled him into a lavish kiss, loving the scratch of his beard against his lips and chin, loving the way his tongue brushed into his mouth, over his teeth and palate. They drew it out until they had to come up from breath, at which point John murmured,

‘I think they’re probably gone.’

They went for a walk that first afternoon, getting lost in the forest for a while, slowly winding their way back. They ordered room service, and worked out how to use what looked like a hot tub on a platform up from the veranda, although they didn’t get in on that first night. Instead they unpacked; foot wear, clothing, and sex toys.

Jack lifted a square black box from the bottom of his bag and sat next to John on the end of the bed.

‘Remember when you told me you might like to try something, but you didn’t know what, and you didn’t like the idea of the plug I’d got?’ John nodded, eyeing up the box in Jack’s hand a little nervously.

‘This is still entirely up to you, but I saw this and thought it might be what you’re looking for at the moment.’ He handed John the box and watched as he eased the lid off and lifted out what was inside. It looked like a stumpy butt plug, but it was transparent, hollow, open at both ends with a narrow flared base to hold it in place. It had an odd flex to it, enough so it would accommodate a slim dildo or vibrator, a couple of fingers, but definitely not Jack’s cock. It wasn’t long. ‘It’s called a tunnel plug. The top end should sit just below your prostate to give easy, unencumbered access. It also, apparently, makes for a very nice view.’ He glanced up at John’s face and immediately saw the heat in his eyes, the want and need. Oh yeah, right choice. ‘Up for it?’ 

There was something fragile in his expression when he nodded.

Jack stood, moved between John’s legs and lifted his head with a finger under his chin, leaning down to kiss him. ‘I won’t hurt you,’ he reiterated. ‘We take this very slowly. If you want to stop, anytime, just tell me to stop.’

They hadn’t agreed safe words, Jack didn’t want that between them, didn’t want what it represented. He couldn’t go down the same roads Michael had gone down with him and didn’t want to. Even if John asked, he didn’t think he would ever be able to do anything that would hurt more than the initial stretch of penetration. John hadn’t asked, Jack didn’t think he ever would. So to get the tunnel plug inside him was going to take time and they had all the time in the world. 

He unfastened the buttons on John’s shirt before his own, dropping both to the floor as he shuffled onto the bed on his knees and kissed him again, tongue sliding deep into his mouth, swallowing John’s hum of arousal. When he sat back he could see the outline of John’s erection tenting his pants and that was much better. He slipped a hand down between his legs, pressing his palm against the hardness there, rubbing it indecently through the material. John hissed and bent forward, licking his tongue over Jack’s right nipple, getting his own back. When he used his teeth, ever so gently, Jack lost his focus, bringing his hand up to hold his head lightly in place, encouraging him to continue. He loved this, and John was a fast learner, alternating soothing licks of his tongue with little bites and firm sucks with pursed lips. Jack was making noises he didn’t recognise after a few minutes and when John’s hot palm pressed against the aching bulge between his legs he thought for a second he was going to come in his pants.

Neither of them were going to last long enough to play with their new toy if they carried on like this, but it took every last iota of will to push John gently back.

‘This’ll be over too soon if I let you carry on.’

Standing again, he got his pants off over his erection and watched, transfixed, as John lay back, lifted his hips and pushed his trousers and underwear down and off, shamelessly palming himself, eyes never leaving Jack’s face. Slowly, he bent his knees, raising one and dropping the other to the side. Jack couldn’t tear his eyes from him while he cupped his own balls, lifted his hips and found his hole, pressing the tip of one finger inside himself. There was something undeniably erotic about watching John touch himself, pleasure himself, allow the exhibitionist within him to play a little. It was humbling, considering the horrific things he’d been subjected to, that he trusted Jack enough to drop all his inhibitions and defences and show him this, this astonishingly arousing sight.

‘Are you joining me?’ he asked, voice rough, ‘or am I doing this myself?’

Limbs unlocked, Jack growled as he climbed on to the bed on all fours and dropped between John’s thighs like a starving man, sliding his hands under that perfect ass, licking around where John’s finger was still inside, over the muscle stretched just slightly around it. He withdrew, withdrew and Jack replaced it with the curl of his tongue, pressing through the sphincter, shifting to give himself a better angle to go as deep as he could. He felt John moving against his mouth, felt the light weight of a hand in his hair and hummed, starting to fuck, keeping it up until his jaw ached and he swapped it for a finger, reaching for the lube, applying some to two more fingers and sliding them in alongside the first.

Carefully, he sat up, watching John’s face as he took him like that, twisting his hand slightly on the out stroke, messaging his prostate as he pushed in. He was panting softly, eyes closed, mouth open, a sheen of sweat covering his gorgeous body, shuddering and moaning; losing control. Jack reached for the plug, managing to get lube all around it with one hand still inside John’s body, dropping it in favour of reaching for a pillows. He got John to raise his hips so he could slide it under his ass, giving him much better access. Finally he withdrew his fingers and dropped a tiny kiss to the wet tip of John’s cock. 

‘Ready?’

‘Yes!’

He laughed and sat up, pushing John’s legs further apart, holding him open with the fingers of one hand while lining up the plug and pressing it inside, rocking it to ease its path. He flicked his eyes between John’s face - watching for any sign of pain - and his ass, watching his sphincter twitch around the transparent toy, the walls of his rectum stretching to accommodate the demanding object. He didn’t stop until the flared base was snug against John’s body, palm cupped over his hole, warming him gently, ready to remove it if he needed to.

‘How does it feel?’

‘Strange… open but empty.’

‘Not for long.’

Lifting one of John’s bent knees to his chest, Jack hugged his leg as he extended a finger to find the top edge of the plug, circling John’s insides just above it, finding his prostate just beyond it and stroking it very deliberately. John swore brightly, pushing himself up onto his elbows before dropping back, tugging once at his cock to ease the obvious ache. He was leaking, a streak of white visible on his pink cock head, and Jack was surprise his own touch didn’t set him off; it certainly made his own erection throb. He reached for the ring that he hadn’t actually intended on using, and rising up onto his knees so John could see, he fastened it around the base of his own erection, shuddering with the sudden sensation and the hunger in the blue eyes as he watched. But he didn’t want to throttle John’s cock; he loved how responsive he was, how it jumped and twitched when Jack did something he enjoyed. 

‘I’m going to get you off,’ he told him, fingers pushing inside his body, his other hand wrapping around his dick. ‘Then you can relax and enjoy this.’ He bent forward, almost in half, and licked salty liquid from the slit, pressing the tip of his tongue just inside as he took John into his mouth, pushed his foreskin down with his lips. John bucked up into his throat and came with an ecstatic cry while he kept up the ceaseless movement of his fingers inside the tunnel plug, stimulating sensitive nerves, making John buck and jerk against him, aftershocks driving through him.

When he collapsed back to the bed, Jack carefully withdrew his fingers, marvelling at how the plug held his husband’s body open as if for inspection. 

‘Jesus, Johnny….’

‘What do I look like?’

‘Sex.’ He breathed it quietly, ‘Like you’re just waiting for me to fill you.’

‘I am.’

‘In a little while.’ He reached for a small, slim vibrator, one he’d hoped to get John to use on him, and it slid easily through the tunnel into John’s open anus, coming to rest with its tip against his prostate. Jack turned it on to its lowest setting and with a cry, John tried to shift up and away from it.

Jack put a hand on his hip. ‘Look at me.’ Bright blue eyes met his, wide and a little startled. ‘Breathe.’ He waited a beat. ‘Do you want me to turn it off?’

John hesitated, took a deep breath and shivered, still tense, but he shook his head. ‘No.’

‘Okay. I won’t turn it up any more than this. Is it too much?’

’No.’ Another deep breath, and he started to relax by increments until Jack could feel him experimentally pressing down on the toy stimulating him inside. Jack kissed his balls, lifting them gently to kiss behind them. He could see John’s spent cock twitching again. The level of trust he was being shown was breathtaking; a year ago this would have been impossible, but that John had come, and come hard, with the plug inside him, was more than Jack had imagined they’d ever get to after everything that had happened. The last thing he wanted to do was betray that trust. So he left the vibrator on its lowest setting, holding it in place, settling down to kiss and lick at John’s soft cock, tasting the salty ejaculate from his first orgasm. As it started to fill again, he took it into his mouth, loving the sensation of it thickening between his lips, starting to press into his throat. He could feel John’s fingers in his beard, on his face, his neck, and heard him beg,

‘Please, Jack… I need you inside me.’

He lifted off John’s cock, murmuring, ‘soon’ before he withdrew the vibrator and swapped it for a sting of seven, small anal beads that fitted easily through the plug, stroking inside him, going deeper than the vibrator went even with the last one remaining outside so that with another application of lube, Jack could twist the toy gently out of him, over the beads, leaving them inside. He put his finger through the ring at the base before pressing the seventh through the gaping hole of his anus. 

John gasped with each twist of the plug until it was completely out, and his sphincter closed in relief but not all the way, not even onto the beads. So Jack waited, soothing licks to the reddened muscle until it tightened around the tip of his tongue. Only then then did he pull the string of beads halfway out, pushing them back, turning them to alter the angle of the slight curve of the narrow shaft, hitting John’s prostate and forcing a cry of surprise and pleasurable shock from his throat. He fucked John’s hole with them for a few minutes, mesmerised by sight of him opening and closing around the small globes. 

The sounds he was making got increasingly desperate and incoherent, his cock was full again, the head a deep pink, flushed and looking for all the world like he hadn’t come just half an hour ago. Worried if he went for too long, he would hurt him, Jack pulled the beads all the way out and knelt up, squeezing lube onto himself and releasing the ring, positioning and sliding in one slick movement all the way into his husband’s welcoming body. His ass was wet with lube, making each thrust easy and smooth, and his legs came up to wrap around Jack’s waist, to draw him in deeper.

Jack watched John’s face, enraptured by his expression of absolute bliss, glancing now and again at his cock where it bounced between them, leaking on to his stomach. He wanted more, wanted to be deeper. Tugging on John’s hands, he carefully he moved his legs out from under him and lay back, John following, rising up, finding balance on Jack’s thighs and taking him all the way inside. The sight of him sliding up and down his length, the sensation of his foreskin catching, being pulled up and pushed down by his movements, the slick squeeze around his cock; it was all driving Jack quickly towards climax.

He stroked his hands over John’s body, reaching around with sticky fingers, down between his cheeks, touching the ring of muscle that was stretching to accommodate him, his own bulk pushing up through it. He could feel his orgasm building, could see how close John was; the tension in his body, the tightness of his balls, leaking head of his cock. He touched his thumb to the weeping tip and John threw back his head and came, sobbing with the strength of it, his cock otherwise untouched. He streaked Jack’s stomach with semen, and the visceral sight of it, the animal sounds, the raw smell of sex… John rose up and dropped down hard, Jack yelled his name and came so deep inside him he put a hand over his abdomen, imagining he could feel himself inside. 

‘Fuck.’

John laughed, breathing hard, coming down slowly, looking so incredibly happily. ‘I love you, Jack.’

Gazing up into John’s face, he murmured, ‘I love you too, Johnny.’

Wrapping his arms around him, he coaxed John down to lie on him, stretching out his legs. He felt his sphincter clamp around him, holding him inside as he carefully lay down, head on Jack’s shoulder. 

‘Want to keep you inside me for as long as I can.’ Yes. He wanted that too, wanted to stay in there all night if he could. The intimacy of it, now the bliss of orgasm was subsiding, was even more intense than it had been when they were fucking. ‘I love this feeling of being connected to you. And I love… that I can say things like that to you.’

Jack smiled. ‘You can say anything to me.’

They lay together for a while, until Jack slipped from John’s body and he shifted a little. ‘I know I’ve said no to big toys… and we both know why. At the start I couldn’t imagine doing to you what they’d done to me, and I know it wouldn’t be the same but I needed time to separate everything out in my mind.’ He lifted his head. ‘I still shut down at the idea of anything… inanimate and unyielding inside me, but I think I’m ready to oblige you, if you want.’ He kissed Jack’s chest. ‘I know you miss the dildo you lost when the Cortez went down.’

Jack’s instinct was to immediately dismiss the idea, but this was John pushing his own self-imposed boundaries, he’d already come so far in his recovery and this was just the next step. There were still clear lines he refused to cross; nothing painful, nothing that caused either of them any distress, however brief. The idea of shoving a big dildo up John’s ass made him feel slightly nauseous and highly protective, given what had gone before, but if John was willing to try doing the same thing to him, that was a different matter. It was another step in him taking back the control which had been torn away from him.

‘I choose the toy,’ Jack murmured, brushing one hand over John’s hair. ‘We only use it on me, never on you. And we both get to say stop at any time. Okay?’

‘Okay.’ 

‘If you change your mind, you tell me. Everything we do in the bedroom, not to mention the bathroom, the living room, the kitchen, out on our balcony…’ he smiled, and John chuckled, ‘we do together, only what we’re both comfortable with, no matter which of us is on the receiving end.’

‘What about my office?’

‘Your office?’ That was somewhere they hadn’t dared do anything yet.

‘When we get back, I want you to suck me off in my office. I’ve been day dreaming about it since we moved in.’

‘I am at your service, Mr President. You only had to ask.’

*

BABYLON 5, AUGUST 2263

It was lovely to see the old place again after nine months. To Susan, it felt almost like coming home, but not quite. She’d been sad to leave, but she’d surprised herself by not missing being there. Security met them at the docking bay, Zack and a small team. There were hugs from Zack. Tess had accompanied them, and was still happy that the threat level was low without the President being present. 

They exited Arrivals as a group, talking amongst themselves. Dr Hobbs was there to greet Stephen, along with Captain Lochley and Lieutenant Corwin. Liz was surprised that John wasn’t there, maybe a little disappointed, although she gave Michael a hug. They walked the corridor they knew so well, heading for the tube, when they all heard a male voice shout out,

‘President Sheridan!’ 

The group stopped, fell quiet. Susan looked around, up, and saw a man in black on the platform ahead of them, a laser sight atop a rifle.

‘You shouldn’t have come back, Sheridan!’

It was Michael who stepped forward and called out, ‘He didn’t come back.’ 

Obviously that was either not going to convince the wannabe assassin, or it was going to annoy the crap out of him. She could see security already moving. 

‘He’s not here,’ she added to Michael’s statement. 

There was a pause, then, ‘What?’

‘He didn’t come with us.’

‘You think I’m going to fall for that? You’re telling me the president of the alliance which has just purchased this place hasn’t come to the handover ceremony?’

‘It’s not really a ceremony,’ Delenn pointed out, ‘it’s more of a celebration.’

‘And you expect me to believe he had something better to do?’

Stephen leaned into Susan. ‘Someone.’ She chuckled, despite herself.

‘Look around! We’re telling the truth, he’s not here.’

The red dot of the laser sight, which had been hovering somewhere over their heads, ran over the group and hit the floor. 

‘But… I’ve been planning this for months! Do you know how much effort it took just to get here, on this spot, at this moment?’

He didn’t seem much of a threat anymore. ‘We’re… sorry? I’m sure he’d have loved to be here, had he known…’

There was a clatter, sounds of a brief struggle, then, ‘Ah, fuck.’ Security dragged a man in work overalls down the metal stairs, Zack leading them, looking all kinds of apologetic. The guy wasn’t putting up much of a fight. ‘He’s really not here?’

‘He’s really not.’ She almost felt bad for him.

‘Lucky for you,’ Michael pointed out. ‘If he had been, there would be a truckload more security and you’d be dead. So… look on the bright side.’

‘Out of interest,’ Stephen peered over Susan’s shoulder, ‘what specifically did he do to piss you off?’

‘My brother worked for EarthDome. He was on Mars when the fleet bombed it.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Yeah,’ Susan nodded. ‘We are sorry. But John did what he did to save everyone. Innocent people die in war. It’s a terrible fact.’

‘Yeah. I guess. I probably wouldn’t have gone through with it. I’m not even sure I had the safety off. I just wanted to scare him, you know?’

‘A lot of very nasty people beat you to it,’ Stephen murmured.

‘Pardon?’

He shook his head. ‘Nothing.’

Zack issued the instruction to take the prisoner to the brig, and he went quietly enough. Michael turned to Susan, glancing at his wrist. ‘That was what? Thirty seconds? It’s going to be an interesting couple of days.’

*

ALURA-PRISM, AUGUST 2263

This was nice, after spending the day exploring the place; just lying naked together, kissing lazily, touching with no endgame in mind. Or so he thought. 

‘I got you something,’ John murmured, and for a second or two he was left bereft. He heard a soft rustling then John came back to the bed, fist held shut. Jack watched him, all kinds of pensive, not like John at all.

‘Do you want to see? Or do want me to use them, and then you can see?’

‘Oh, I like surprises.’ 

John smiled, leaned down to kiss him, and whatever he’d brought over was forgotten for a while as they resumed their lazy foreplay, John’s fingers playing gently over his nipples. He loved that, sighed happily when John moved down to lick at his right one, lips suckling gently, front teeth scraping the hardening bud. He felt the tip of John’s tongue circle it once, twice, and then a bite, just lightly, but the sound it dragged from his own throat surprised him. He did it again, suckling, licking, biting, going round in that little circle until Jack’s nipple was throbbing with a delicious sort of pain. Only then he feel a sudden bite at the same time he heard the tiniest sound, a snick of metal, and lifted his head to look. The clamp was like nothing he’d seen before; two small bars connected at either end, his nipple now held snuggly between them. There was a small screw at the base and he watched, knowing he was supposed to see this, as John turned it just a fraction and he felt a perfect pinch. He dropped his head back to the bed, moaning, feeling John’s hot, wet tongue sweep over sensitive flesh.

He opened his eyes, met that curious blue gaze. ‘Okay?’

‘God, yes... more than okay.’

Leaning over Jack, John went to work on his left nipple, preparing it in the same way. Now he knew what was coming, with his right throbbing so perfectly, each sensation seemed more intense until the clamp bit down on him and he howled softly, fingers tangling in the sheets when John’s tongue lathered both nipples, wetting them before he tightened the clamps just a notch further. 

There was a moment Jack thought he was going to come from the overload, and John must have sensed it, lifted away from him and reached for something on the bed. He sat back and for the first time, Jack felt a little self conscious under the heated regard.

‘You’re so fucking gorgeous.’

He swallowed, swore he was actually blushing. He had no idea what to say and wasn’t sure he could speak anyway. John didn’t seem to need a response as he moved, Jack bending one leg to accommodate him, curving it around John’s hip as he sat between his thighs, took his cock in one hand and bent to suck him, just the head, tongue swirling, pushing his foreskin gently down, licking him, almost teasing. He felt the cold of the ring around the base of his cock, felt John’s fingers snap it into place a moment before he was swallowed to the balls. The wet heat of John’s mouth and the suction of his hollowed cheeks would absolutely have brought him off had the ring not stopped it. He concentrated on keeping his hands on the bed, not trusting himself if he moved them. Every jolt of his body put pressure on his clamped nipples, but he couldn’t help moving; John’s fingers seemed to be everywhere as he sucked his cock, adding more sensation. He was caught between the delicious pain in his chest and the glorious pressure around his dick. Everything else was gone as he lost himself in what John was doing. 

He almost sobbed when the mouth left his cock, but a second later it engulfed one of his testicles, sucking gently, tongue lapping at the delicate skin. First one, then the other, until he was begging to come. He actually felt tears in his eyes when John’s face left his groin. He mindlessly begged for something, anything, startling when his nipples were wetted, teeth scraping across them. He yelled out, so focused on that pain he barely felt the press of John’s cock against his ass, his legs being lifted. John sheathed himself in one continuous push, bending over Jack to fuck him, licking at his nipples, his chest, teeth on skin that already prickled with sensory overload. 

He didn’t feel the actual moment the cock ring was released, he just knew when the most intense orgasm of his life rolled over him, when his balls released and he actually screamed into the room. Somewhere in it all, John released the clamps with two swift movements and the blood rushing back, the explosion of pain and bliss in his chest dragged a second wave from him, his cock spluttering between them. 

When he came back into himself, John was still inside him, but he could feel the semen leaking out of him passed his softening cock. He looked up at his husband’s slightly concerned expression and laughed, a joyful sound.

‘Fuck. That was... something else.’

‘I think I lost you there for a while.’

‘Yeah.’

John sat back, slipped from Jack’s body and moved to lie beside him, one arm wrapping around his middle, cheek resting against his hair. He reached behind him, felt around on the bed and found one of the clamps, bringing it up to show him.

‘I hope I didn’t hurt you. It’s been a while and these are new to me.’

Jack took it from his fingers, examining it. ‘It hurt it all the right ways,’ he murmured. ‘Perfect.’

*

They tried the hot tub that night, after it got dark. The water was indeed hot, and there was something in it, like the bubble bath they had back home, something that made it a little oily, lubricating and far from unpleasant. 

‘I don’t think I’ve been in one of these before,’ John mused.

‘I have, back on Earth, although the water wasn’t as hot, or - I suspect - clean, but the effect was the same.’ He swam over to where John was sitting to kiss him, letting his body float down so he was straddling his lap. His fingers found the hard, puckered nipples just below the surface of the water and John moaned into his mouth as he rolled them gently between his fingers. It would have been difficult for his husband to miss the pronounced erection poking him in the stomach. ‘Remember the celebrations at the end of the Earth-Minbari war?’

‘I remember waking up on a pool table in a bar, wearing six inch heels, a pink feather boa and not much else.’

Jack nodded. ‘Figures. I spent the night in a hot tub with three… no, four pilots, and more champagne than a human being should ever try to consume.’

‘Four pilots?’ John was shaking his head.

‘I find sexuality gets quite fluid in situations like that.’

He felt hands on his ass, pulling him closer as he moved to the edge of the seat, bringing them together in a delicious wet, smooth slide, long tight fingers wrapping around them, holding them side by side but not moving. ‘Tell me.’

Jack kissed the edges of his mouth. ‘Five naked guys in a hot tub, jacked up on adrenaline and sheer relief, doesn’t stretch the imagination too far. There was a lot of touching. The guy to my left jerked me off, I do remember that. He did it slowly, like he had all the time in the world. I just put my head back and enjoyed it, his hand rising and falling, all the champagne making everything hazy . After I’d come, two of the others fucked me, again taking their time. I was too drunk, too exhausted to get it up again, but it was nice.’ He touched his lips to John’s mouth. 

‘Two? At the same time?’

‘Pretty much.’

‘Doesn’t that… really hurt?’

‘No, not if the preparation’s right… not that it was, but alcohol and the orgasm helped, and they did work together to make it good.’ He shifted closer, trapping their dicks between them, John letting go to put both arms around him, a little possessive, a little protective; hands roaming his back and shoulders. He loved provoking that reaction in this man, that proprietary response to something that had happened a long time ago. He slid his tongue over John’s lips. ‘You never… took a dildo and a dick at the same time?’

‘Never really appealed. Two men though, that might have done, had the opportunity arisen.’

‘It’s not going to now, I’m afraid.’ 

John kissed him. ‘Good.’

The sensations along the length of his erection, the oils in the water slicking the slide against John’s dick, between their bodies, it was edging him ever so slowly towards needing more, a lot more. But it was very, very nice.

‘So, how did you get the six inch heels and feather boa?’

‘I’m not sure…. There was a drag act, so they might have been his. There was a woman on the pool table with me, but she was fully clothed and definitely didn’t look like the feather boa type. She smiled at me though, like she approved.’

The mental image alone was gorgeous. ‘I bet she did. What was it with you and drag queens?’

‘I like their energy, their passion, their strength. I always found it… invigorating.’

‘And how many have you slept with over the years?’

‘A couple in my younger days, I haven’t shagged my way around the galaxy like some people.’ 

Jack smiled. ‘Only when we were on shore leave.’ He saw John lick his lips, waited for him to say something but he didn’t. ‘The problem was, nothing ever came close to you and I on Ganymede.’

‘Oh, come on… we were both drunk.’

‘Yet it was perfect. You were so… uninhibited. You knew what you wanted, what you liked. Your responses were so honest, so… pure. When you came, you didn’t hold back, every sound of pleasure, of ecstasy, you let me hear it and I loved that, I loved hearing you cry and moan. And I know what you’re going to say, but I loved the way you just stroked my hair when I was sucking you off. Before that night I’d only had guy who’d held me while they’d fucked my face.’

‘You love me doing that.’

‘I do. Because it’s you, and I know you and love you. Sometimes it’s nice to take it slow and you know when to do that too. That whole night, you let me lead.’

‘I worshipped you. I still do.’

Jack pushed his fingers into John’s hair, scraping fingernails gently over his scalp, starting a slow thrust of his hips, pushing against John’s cock, between the flushed, wet, slippery skin of their bodies. ‘I know. I see it in your eyes every time you look at me. It’s always been there. It does wonders for my ego, and my libido.’

John moaned softly at the lazy stimulation. ‘I still fancy you too.’ 

‘I know that by the way we’ve been making love, once, twice a day, since we got together. I know it because you’re always hard for me, the way you open up for me; your mouth, your body.’ John groaned, fastening his lips in the hollow where Jack’s neck met his shoulder. ‘The way you got up on that motel bed on Ganymede, spread yourself for me, lifted your cock and balls and let me see you fingering your own hole… Jesus, John, I masturbated over that memory for years. I got off on the mental image of you fucking yourself like that, eyes never leaving mine, your expression so openly hungry, so clear about what you wanted; my dick inside you. There wasn’t an ounce of embarrassment, of anything but desire and need. And when I did push inside you that first time, I watched myself get swallowed, your body stretching so beautifully around me, taking every inch of me, all the way. Christ… it was like being in a porn film. The guys I’d been with… it had never been that brutally honest before. In all years I’d known you, I’d never imagined that’s how you’d be in bed. I swear, John, if I’d thought for a second it was going to be like that, I wouldn’t have waited so long to fuck you.’

John’s climax took them both by surprise, a quiet gasp, body shuddering under Jack’s hands; it was such a gorgeous, sight.

‘I love watching you come,’ he murmured, hips still moving, slowly, not in any hurry to reach his own orgasm but catching his breath when John leaned forward, sealing his lips around his left nipple, sucking gently. He using his teeth just to the brink of pain before soothing with a lick, moving to the right one. Jack ran his hands into John’s hair, wet ends flicking against the back of his wrists, his hands, as he exerted the slightest of pressure. His nipples were still sensitive from the clamps earlier in the evening, not sore, but the sensation of John’s teeth and lips, the pull on the hard buds, was enough to send him spiralling into climax, hands spasming on John’s hand, briefly pressing him closer, lifting as soon as he was aware of what he was doing.

When John put his head back, his smug smile was reassurance enough that he was okay. Jack kissed him. ‘Bed?’ he murmured softly, and John nodded.

Climbing out of the tub, they towelled off and padding back into the villa, shut off the lights and crawled onto the ridiculously large bed, finding one another in the dark.

‘Love that I can bring you off with my mouth in so many ways.’

‘Your mouth is deliciously obscene,’ John told him. ‘In every way.’

‘You have to tell me if I go too far.’

‘They’re just words, Jack.’

He looked at his husband through the dark. ‘You know better than anyone that’s never true. I could really hurt you and that’s the absolute last thing I ever want to do.’

‘I trust you.’

‘I know you do. The trust you’ve shown in me is… breathtaking. I’ll try my level best not to betray that, but in the heat of the moment-‘

‘In the heat of the moment, I can still say stop. And it cuts both ways, Jack.’

‘I know.’ He did. He’d stopped proceedings more times than John had, uncomfortable at how he was responding or worried that he’d gone quiet or still. They were breaking down the self-imposed barriers John had erected around himself, faster than he’d ever thought they would, but there were still things that snagged on a memory, or caught on a brittle edge of John’s psyche, and something that he’d been enjoying, loving, moments earlier could so easily turn into a flashback.

‘You really were the best I’d ever had. That one night eclipsed everything that had come before and made everything that happened after seem like a pale imitation. And I had thought, maybe, one day, we might do it again. But I never imagined I’d ever get this lucky.’

John smiled, eyes bright in the moonlit room. ‘So that’s why you stayed.’

Jack paused, considering, then saying, ‘When I saw you come aboard the Aggy the first time time around, I thought about it, about us; I thought maybe, after it was all over. Then I spent a week… scared to death, terrified of what they were doing to you, that I was never going to see you again. And when you came aboard the second time around… well, hey, obviously it was the very last thing on my mind by then. Just… making sure you came out of it in one piece, making sure you were safe and cared for were all that was important. Yet the longer I stayed, the closer I got to you, the more fell in love. I knew it was the last thing you needed, I didn’t know if you and Michael would get back together. There were times… I didn’t know if you were coming on to me or just pushing yourself.’

John dragged his fingernails through Jack’s beard, thumb stroking his cheek. ’Bit of both. I felt safe with you, felt… loved. When you touched me, I wanted to lean into it, not away, which was what I wanted to do with everyone else. Still want to do with everyone else.’

Shifting forward, sliding one arm around John’s waist, Jack held him close and kissed him, hoping he could put all the things he couldn’t find words for into it. John responded with a happy hum, pressing into him, against the length of him. Jack’s sated cock gave an approving twitch and he chuckled as he flicked his tongue against John’s lips.

‘I think there’s something in the air around here.’

‘I think you’re just insatiable. Four weeks of shore leave a year, but otherwise nothing but your own hand and a toy for a decade? I’m honestly surprised Pat was the only crew member you got with.’

’I know you don’t believe me, but I wasn’t that interested. Got it out of my system when I had the opportunity but otherwise… I was happy with my hand and my dildo. Until you. I cannot keep my hands or my mind off you. I see you and want - need - to touch, I think about you and I’m hard in a second. Spices up ISA meetings.’

‘That’s why I don’t believe you when you say you weren’t all that interested. You’re horny all the time!’

‘Only when I’m around you. Or thinking of you. Which… yeah, is practically all the time. Now and I again I wondered what it would have been like if we’d ever tried to serve on the same ship for longer than a day or two.’

‘A disaster,’ John murmured. ‘Or… maybe an ongoing hardcore porn movie.’

‘Oh, see, now I wish we’d had a chance to find out.’

John brushed his lips with his fingertips. ‘I’m sorry, are you not getting enough sex?’

‘More than enough, thank you. But… to have had you blow me in the captain’s chair, to have made love to you on a standard issue cot in the tin can quarters, to have got down on my knees in the mess hall and sucked you off… I’d have loved to have shared all that with you.’

‘I’m just sorry you didn’t get to share it with anyone.’

Jack stroked John’s leg with his foot. ‘I didn’t miss what I never had, what I didn’t think about, not really. Pat honestly was the only one, and my fantasies have always been a little less prosaic. You know that.’

‘I worry I’m not going to be enough-‘

‘Don’t.’ Jack kissed him. ‘You’re so much more than enough, you’re so much more than anything I’ve ever known. I can’t put into words how I feel about you. Never worry that I need anything more than what we have, what you’re giving me. There is no more.’

‘Everything I can’t do….’

‘I don’t care. Besides, when we first got together on the Agamemnon you told me you couldn’t get an erection.’

‘Not everything has been as easy to fix.’

‘I’m not fixing you, Johnny, you’re not broken. I love you, along with everything that entails. You don’t have to worry, you never have to worry. Let me show you. Over the next few days… let me show you.’

*

‘Where are we going?’

Jack led John along a quiet, open corridor, holding his hand. ’Remember I was reading that book of Minbari Mating Rituals?’

‘Yeah.’

‘And you asked me what happened if the couple was of the same gender? Well, turns out there are three books, and I was reading the one for a male - female pairing. There’s one for a female - female pair and one for a male - male pair. One of the rituals is called The Bonding.’ He felt the hesitation in John’s next step, and stopped. ‘Trust me?’ He nodded and they continued through into a small, hexagonal stone room. A young, male Minbari was waiting for them, bowing in greeting, and Jack bowed back.

He was handed a small wooden box. ‘This is the Bonding Sheath. You’ve been shown how to apply it, I understand?’

‘I have.’

‘Gowns are inside the room, should you feel more comfortable wearing them, although they are not necessary. No one will disturb you during the ritual.’ He opened a door to their right. ‘You’ll hear a chime when the time is up, but if you need to stay on afterwards, please do not feel in any hurry to leave.’

‘Thank you.’ He glanced back at John, who looked all kinds of nervous, but he followed when Jack walked through the door, looking around while it was closed behind them. It wasn’t so much a room as a covered floor. The small spa-like facility was deep in woodland, and the walls were natural foliage, higher than the frosted glass roof, dense enough that it would afford them privacy. In the centre of the wooden floor were two high backed cushions, positioned facing one another, close together. Jack placed the box on the floor next to them and took both of John’s hands in his.

‘It’s very simple and you’re going to get off on it, literally. I can explain it, or I can show you, and if you’re not comfortable with it-‘ John kissed him.

‘I trust you with my life. Whatever this is, I’m sure I’m going to enjoy it. Tell me what I need to do.’

‘We need to undress.’

They did so silently, folding their clothes and placing them on a table that looked like it was meant for that purpose, given the robes hanging next to it. Jack shrugged into one of them but left it hanging open, and John followed his lead. They walked over to the centre of the room. 

‘Have you sat in these before?’

‘Delenn had them in her quarters on B5, I went to dinner there once.’ 

He sat down on the flat part, crossing his legs. Jack knelt in front of him. ‘You need to put your legs out and lean against the back, it’ll support you.’

‘Okay.’ John did as he was told, testing the theory. The seat didn’t move when he leaned back. Jack sat too, then shuffled forward, John parting his legs, bending his knees to accommodate him, hands on Jack’s waist, smile growing on his face. ‘Now this, I like.’ Jack’s knees settled either side of him, and John’s dick started to show a definite interest in what was going on. ‘Now what?’

‘Now we need to get hard.’

John’s expression was priceless, but given their position, it wasn’t an unexpected request. ‘You’re sure this is a Minbari ritual?’

‘I am. I double checked. It’s almost at the end of the list, but I figured we’re already married so it doesn’t matter that we skipped forty six of them.’ He brushed light fingertips along the underside of John’s still soft cock. ‘No one’s watching. They take these rituals very seriously. This place is somewhere the Minbari come to have them overseen if they don’t have family or friends, or would prefer a less… personal experience.’

‘So… if we were Minbari… there would be someone here with us?’

‘Yes. When I came here yesterday to enquire, I was shown what to do. But yes, under usual circumstances, this would all be done by a third party, who would sit and watch over the pair as the ritual proceeded. I made it clear that wasn’t going to happen, and they seemed happy to let us do this alone.’ As he spoke, he felt John’s cock harden slightly. ‘Unless you’d like-‘

‘No. It’s just the thought is sort of… kinky. Having a complete stranger watch us like this would be… uncomfortable.’ He gave a nervous little laugh, and Jack leaned forward, closed the small gap between them and kissed him. 

‘Not just watching,’ he murmured, licking the line of John’s bottom lip. ‘He would do the next part too.’ John’s swelling cock bounced against his palm and he felt John’s fingers curl around his own erection. 

‘This part?’

‘He would ensure we’re both hard enough.’ They kissed again, tongues sliding against one another, John’s soft hum swallowed by Jack’s mouth. It wasn’t long before he thought they were ready. Slowly, he raised his head and withdrew his hands, reaching to open the lid of the small box. He lifted out what looked like the old Earth Chinese finger trap that John had on display in his office, only wider and softer. It felt strangely like skin, thick and warm, with a stretchy quality to it. ‘Then he’d put us both inside this.’ Suddenly not sure, Jack decided to put it on himself first, and eased his foreskin as far back as he could, sliding one open end of the sheath over the head of his cock, passed the ridge. It sat snuggly around him, not in any way painful or uncomfortable. He looked up at John who was watching him, wide-eyed and flushed.

’Okay for me to put the other end on you?’

‘God, yes…. That looks….’ If he’d been worried about him being uncertain, he needn’t have been. Shifting a little, he palmed John’s cock, sliding the foreskin back, feeling that same wave of humility at the trust this man showed him every time he let him touch in such an intimate way. He slid the other end of the sheath over John’s tip, easing it over the head, the ridge, and suddenly it seemed to tighten, suction pulling at him. John stiffened and moaned, hand curling over Jack’s wrist. 

‘Just breathe.’ He took his own advice, and slowly the intensity of the sensation eased off, leaving a wave of pleasure in its wake. 

‘Jack… that’s….’

‘I know. More than I expected.’ He looked down at them, the strange sheath holding them tip to tip, sealing them together. 

‘Now what?’

‘Now, we sit here together and just… enjoy it.’

‘I knew that’s what you were going to say.’

‘We’re not supposed to touch.’ Although that was going to be easier said than done. His cock was already leaking, he could feel the wetness, thought about John leaking too, the slick slide of their tips together and for one awful moment thought he might actually come. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. John’s other hand came to settle on his forearm and he rested his elbows on his thighs as they held on to each other in a way similar to the Centauri hands of friendship. Once he relaxed, the urge to come subsided, and he looked up into John’s face. ‘Okay?’

‘Yeah.’ He seemed a little shaky but otherwise okay. ‘It’s… interesting.’ He could always trust John not to follow the rules; lifting his hand from Jack’s arm, he brushed a tentative finger tip over the sheath and he tensed at the rippling sensation that ran over his glans, along the length of his erection, heat spreading through his balls. He saw John’s eyes flutter closed, lips parting, felt the push of his slit against his own and shivered with the intensity of it. 

‘If you do that again I’m not going last another minute, never mind an hour.’

‘An hour?’

‘The Minbari do this for six hours. He told me… the most we could probably stand was an hour.’

‘Only if neither of us moves.’

John returned his hand to Jack’s arm, clearly trying to relax, but Jack understood how difficult it was. Just the act of breathing meant small movements in their bodies, and those small movements translated to the most wonderful of sensations within the confines of the sheath.

‘How does it comes off?’ John asked, voice quiet.

‘Well, if we were Minbari, we would meditate until our erections subsided and it just slipped off. But he did say we probably wouldn’t be able to do that, so the best way was to orgasm.’

‘You had this conversation with the guy?’

‘I did. He wasn’t at all bothered by it, I think he’d personally overseen a fair number of these rituals.’

‘You said this was… close to the end of the list. What comes after?’

‘There’s the pleasure centres one which seems to be about touching everywhere except for the genitals. And of course, there’s the last one which - if I read it correctly - involves actual penetration in various places, at least one of which led me to think Minbari are designed slightly different to humans.’

‘I need to read this book.’

‘Most of it doesn’t require any specialist… equipment. We could easy re-enact the first forty rituals on our own, although given how we can’t seem to keep our hands off each other, I think the majority of them will end up with us having sex, even the ones where we’re supposed to keep our clothes on.’

‘Sounds like a challenge.’

Jack shifted to relieve a twinging nerve in his knee, and the pressure it put on his sensitised cock wrenched a quiet cry from him, John struggling not to do the same. He gave a shaky little laugh and bowed his head, sucking in a couple of deep breaths. They sat as still as they could, each trying to lose themselves in their own headspace for a while. Jack’s breathing evened out and he felt his muscles relaxing, the tension leaving his body to be replaced by gentle waves of pleasure. He settled there, soft moans escaping his chest, fingers and toes tingling, all the sensations he’d usually feel in his cock seemed to be touching every inch of him; his nipples were hard, the air over them feeling like a physical caress, the skin on his chest and belly prickling with sensation. He thought maybe he could do this, hold this, for hours. Until he opened his eyes.

There were tears running over John’s cheeks. There was no tension in his body but the expression on his face was more than Jack could deal with. He put one hand on John’s arm and reached down between them, wrapped loose fingers around the sheath and felt his orgasm slam into him, almost painful in its intensity. His whole body spasmed as John arched his back, cried out in something between ecstasy and agony, and came, both of them flooding the inside of the sheath which bulged with it, the pressure around his glans, his slit, was almost unbearable for a second but it eased quickly as the flexible skin holding them slackened slightly. John’s grip became bruisingly tight and all he wanted to do was hold him, but needing to wait for one of them to soften, Jack instead stroked his husband’s hair, his shoulder and arm, unsure if the tears had come from the sheer depth of intensity or from pain; he’d never forgive himself if he’d hurt him. Finally, Jack felt the sheath loosen, his cock sliding free and as soon as he could, he rose up onto his knees and pulled John against him, holding him tight, feeling him shaking apart in his arms. There were no more tears, he wasn’t crying, but his arms around Jack’s waist were an iron cage. Jack murmured nonsense into his hair, kissing his head, rubbing his back, and ever so slowly, the hold loosened as John seemed to come back in to himself.

‘Sorry, I’m sorry….’

‘No.’ Jack shook his head. ‘Don’t be.’ Slowly, he sat back on his heels, keeping up the touches. ‘Are you okay?’

‘It’s not good for me to spend too much time in my own head.’

‘Oh, God, John… I am so sorry… I didn’t think….’

‘You have nothing to apologise for. I want to share this with you, I want to share everything, experience everything…. As long as you’re with me, I know nothing can hurt me. I just need to remind myself of that sometimes.’

‘You had a flashback?’ He nodded. Jack didn’t ask what it was, he could make an educated guess. Instead, he slipped the other end of the sheath from John’s spent cock and reached for the wipes at the bottom of the box. He wiped John, then himself, and cautiously, slowly, got to his feet, reaching his hand down to help John up. 

They dressed in silence, and left through a side exit, not needing to see or speak to anyone. 

‘He warned me the experience could be very intense,’ he explained to John as they stepped out on to a path. ‘There’s a walk we can do, through the grounds, which is supposed to give us a chance to settle.’ John nodded and held his hand as they started off, side by side. 

After a while, Jack asked, ‘Do you want to talk, about what you saw, where you went?’

‘You’ve heard it all before.’

‘I haven’t. Each time you talk about it, you tell me a little bit more, and that’s a little bit less you’re keeping to yourself. Dr Osaka’s always said that talking about it is the best path to recovery, hasn’t she?’ John nodded. ‘Which is why I want you to talk to me, to tell me, every time you have a nightmare or a flashback, whether it’s the same thing over again or something new.’ 

‘Are you sure….?’

‘John….’

‘Okay…. It was just for a moment, honestly. I was… back in the cell. After a few days… my clothes were sticking to me, with the blood, sweat, everything else.’ 

He paused, and Jack could guess what was in his head, what he needed to say but couldn’t. ‘Whatever you tell me, however… disgusting you think it is, the very fact that you’re here, alive, to say it means you lived through it. And if you were strong enough to live through it, I’m certainly strong enough to hear it. I saw everything there was to see at the facility on Mars, and while everything they did to you, put you through, was vile and cruel and sadistic, I have never been and will never be disgusted by you.’ Leaning to the side, he hugged John’s arm tightly, just for a few seconds. ‘You can tell me anything.’

‘I’m just not sure I can say it.’ He sighed softly, leaning into the hug. ‘And I know it’s ridiculous because they did worse things… or maybe they didn’t. I’ve always understood what they did in the holding cell, the brutality of it made sense to me. I was able to… protect myself, my mind, from what was happening because it was simple. They wanted to hurt me, and they did what violent men given too much power have been doing for years. It was the rest of it that I’ve had trouble dealing with; the sickness, the filth. When they dressed me, it was back into the top and pants I’d been wearing when I went to the bar. They were already sticky with blood from the fight, from the first beating…. After a few days, my… dick was sticking the inside of my pants and back there… that’s where I went, just for a second, just for a split second, but I opened my eyes and saw you.... I would have been fine. You didn’t have to stop it.’

‘I saw your tears, I didn’t know if you were in pain or it was just the intensity of it, and I was so close to coming….’

‘It was intense, when every little movement felt like something stroking me from the inside, every nerve ending lighting up like a firework. The flashback… added to it, in a way. Since you and I got together, particularly since we came to Minbar, I’ve been having… thoughts, fantasies…. It’s hard to describe…. Some of it turns me on. Some of it scares the hell out of me, just the idea makes me feel sick but I can’t shake it.’

‘I think that’s normal. You know as well as I do that a lot of fantasies involve stuff we’d never want to actually happen to us, that’s why they’re fantasies, That’s why porn exists. It’s a turn on to watch a guy bound up, on show, being fucked by a line of men with twelve inch cocks, but you wouldn’t want to be the poor bastard. If there is something you do want, I’m happy to give it a try. As long as it doesn’t involve other people…. Turns out I’m quite possessive when it comes to you, which has come of something as a surprise to me, because I never saw myself as the possessive type.’ He saw the way John was looking at him and frowned. ‘What?’

‘You never saw yourself as possessive? You’ve been staring daggers at Michael ever since he got back to B5.’

‘Okay, in my defence, in the beginning, I wanted him as far away from you as possible because of what he did. After I came to terms with that, and found out about you two… yeah, I have a very conflicted relationship with the idea of the two of you together. Because at the start there was a part of me that thought it would be hot to have sex with the two of you. And now I can feel myself bristling with violence whenever he looks at you.’

John tugged on his hand, and he stopped walking, turned around, got his husband pressed up against his chest. ‘Admit it, now and again, you still get turned on by fantasies of me with Michael.’

‘Begrudgingly. You’re so fucking sexy, when I think about you aroused, with a cock in your ass, filling you in just the way you love…. But honestly, like you say, some fantasies sit on that line between pleasure and nausea, and I want it to always be my cock because the thought of it being Michael’s….’

John silenced him, mouth covering his, tongue sliding over his own. He felt an iron-hard erection pressing against his hip. ‘I need you inside me.’ 

Jack should have queried the location, but his dick shut down any question of saying no. There were trees, rocks, grass, and a convenient bench with a solid wood seat…. He watched, unable to actually form words, as John unbuttoned his shirt, leaving it open, unfastened his trousers, let them fall and stepped out of them. Jack stared as he knelt down in front of the bench, elbows on the seat, looking up expectantly. 

Jack stared, at the muscular thighs, the swell of his ass, the curve of his spine, the broad shoulders, long neck, hungry expression. He undressed without much coherent thought, but as he knelt behind John, his brain did manage to raise a protest. 

‘I don’t actually have anything….’

‘I don’t care.’ 

‘I do. Okay. Raise up a bit. I need to get….’ He lay on his back, shuffling up until he got his face under John’s groin. ‘Oh yeah.’ Reaching up to part John’s cheeks, he licked a line up to his hole and pushed the tip of his tongue against the muscle until it opened for him. John’s cry was obscene. Moving his hands to John’s hips, he pulled him down a little, hoping John would get the message. He did, swearing softly as he carefully started to fuck himself on Jack’s tongue, on his face, legs trembling with the effort. Jack felt it the moment he shifted his weight through his arms onto the bench, rising and falling no more than an inch or two. Jack curled his tongue and pushed as deep as he could. The view of John’s balls, the root of his jutting cock, was indecent. After a few minutes, he urged John down a little further and used his mouth, sucking at his sphincter, getting it as wet as he could before sliding out from under him, kneeling up, pulling John back against his chest. He stroked a hand over his neck and throat, kissed his shoulders as he stroked John’s lips, waiting for John to open his mouth before stroking two fingers in over his tongue. He shuddered when John got to work, lathering them with saliva, licking and sucking at them. When they were wet, dripping, Jack pushed one into John’s body, not as gentle as he usually would be, but John didn’t seem to mind, pressing back and taking him inside, as deep as he could go. He quickly added the second, still worried about the lack of proper lubrication, yet John again didn’t seem to care. He forced himself down onto them, head back, spine curved, following some primal instinct. 

Withdrawing carefully, he kissed John’s shoulders. ‘If you want me inside you-‘

John patted the bench in front of him, shivering when Jack moved out from behind him, giving him space to sit on the bench, crowding back in between Jack’s thighs. His eyes were wide, staring, as John took him into his mouth, sliding down his length until his nose was pressed into the wiry hair and Jack’s balls were against his chin. He wanted to come, despite his orgasm less than an hour ago, he had to close his eyes because the sight alone was viscerally sexual. He felt the wet lapping of a strong tongue as it lathered his cock, not sucking on him as he usually would, not trying to bring him off. He waited as long as he dared, because the sensation was pushing him closer and closer to orgasm, and he had to reach between John’s chin and his own balls to pinch the base of his cock. It was a wrench to leave the wet heat of that mouth, but Jack forced himself to move, to kneel back on the grass behind John and position the blunt head of his cock at his ill-prepared hole.

‘This is going to hurt,’ he told him, because while he was desperate to bury himself in his husband’s body the last thing he ever wanted to do- 

-John reached back, took a hold of his cock and pushed it inside himself, breaching his own hole, penetrating, sinking down on it with an ecstatic moan.

Jack cried out in surprise, at the fireworks that went off behind his eyes and in his balls. He wrapped his arms around John’s middle and surged up even as he pulled John down onto his cock, into his lap. He could feel him breathing through what had to be searing pain, and he blinked tears from his own eyes, but John was moving already, rising and falling, arching his spine, head back, uttering Jack’s name like some kind of mantra.

Jack told him breathlessly, in no uncertain terms, that he loved him more than life, and when John twisted to look at him, there was nothing but absolute adoration burning in his beautiful blue eyes.

‘Nothing in the world feels as good as having you this far inside me.’ He found Jack’s hand, moving it down to his abdomen. ‘I want you to fuck me so deep, I can feel you here.’

‘Jesus, Johnny….’ Jack took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes closed, the pressure around him utterly perfect. John was lifting and falling, setting a slow rhythm, and Jack’s whole world shrunk down to his cock sheathed in tight, dry heat, his balls as they pulled up to his body. He was dimly aware of John still holding his hand on his belly, of taut muscles and the indent of his navel. He bent his finger, stroked into the dip, over the small knot of skin, and heard the obscene moan dragged from John’s throat like it was far away.

John lifted and dropped, slamming him inside, and Jack came, holding John against him with one firm hand on his hip while his other stayed on his belly. He unloaded inside him, breathing through his orgasm before he reached out, wrapped his hand around John’s leaking erection, and watched his hand slide down then up; two pumps before John was coming, covering his fingers, the grass in front of him. Jack felt his orgasm around his dick, muscles clenching, body taut. He was still hard inside him, and John tried to take him deeper still even as he started to soften.

Some undetermined time later, he eased John forward and pulled out of him carefully. He watched his come leak out after him. They’d been so unprepared for this. But John reached for his trousers and took a handkerchief out of one of the pockets. Jack took it from him and cleaned him up. When he’d finished, John rolled on to his back and stayed there, legs stretched out, staring up at the sky.

Jack tossed the hanky back in the general direction of their clothes and lay down next to him.

‘That was… unexpected.’

‘I’d never done it outdoors.’

‘No. Me neither. Not a huge number of opportunities,’

‘It was amazing,’ He turned his head, gazing at Jack like he was everything. ‘You’re amazing.’

‘You inspire me. Besides, that was all you.’ He rolled on to his side, pushed up on his elbow so he could look into John’s eyes. ‘I was worried, what you did when I sat on the bench. You’ve never taken me that far in before and after what you remembered I’ve worried about touching the back of your throat….’

‘I lied to you.’ Jack frowned. ‘I’m so sorry. I know what they did to me, why they put the nightstick in my mouth. I remembered it all, I just couldn’t bring myself to say it to you.’

‘Can you say it now?’

‘That bastard… pissed down my throat.’ Jack leaned down and kissed him. ‘I’m sorry….’

‘I do get it. To say something like that, it’s difficult.’

‘You knew.’

‘Stephen had treated a guy on Mars who’d been assaulted in the same way by a prison guard. He didn’t have quite the same injuries as you, but I I told him you remembered fluid in your throat, that’s when he knew.’

‘I just couldn’t tell you. You kiss this mouth….’ 

He kissed it again, sweeping his tongue over John’s, over his teeth, the roof, tasting him, making a point. ‘Like everything else they did, it was about taking away control from you, taking possession of your body and your mind, making it clear you had no say, no choice in what they did to you.’ 

By the way John was looking at him, Jack knew there was more, but he wasn’t ready yet, so they lay side by side in silence, fingers twisted together, watching the clouds pass by high above them.

After a while, they got dressed and continued walking, hand in hand. 

‘Do you remember, I told you once that there were things I did, on Mars, to make it easier? Things I’d never told anyone about.’

Jack nodded. ‘I do.’

‘When the guard…. I swallowed it. I mean… I didn’t have a lot of choice, given there was nightstick keeping my jaw locked open, but I was so, so thirsty. And I remembered that old story about… men trapped on ships drinking their own urine when they didn’t have access to clean water.’

‘That is true. And, you know, there are clubs, bars, fucking restaurants where people pay for the privilege.’ He squeezed John’s hand, glancing over at him. ‘You did nothing I wouldn’t have done, nothing anyone in your situation wouldn’t have done. You survived. Whatever you did, however… disgusting it seemed to you at the time, you did it to survive. There is nothing you could tell me, nothing you could possibly have done then, that would change the way I feel about you. If that guard had wanked into your open mouth and you’d knelt there and taken it, I would love you for doing it because it meant you’re here, now, with me. I can’t imagine the impossible choices you were forced to make just to stay alive but every one was the right one, whether you think so or not. You didn’t betray us, you didn’t betray yourself. So… if you need to keep things to yourself, I completely understand. But I’m here if you want to talk about them, or need to just say something and not talk about it. Whatever you need.’

John held his hand tighter, and they walked the rest of the way in a comfortable silence.

*

He had a dream that night, not a bad one, not a vivid one, but he woke with a feeling of needing to be somewhere.

There was a map of the area in a frame on the wall in the living area, and John studied it over breakfast until he found what he was looking for.

‘Somewhere you want to go?’

He reached for Jack’s hand. ‘There’s a temple about an hour’s walk from here.’ He tapped his finger on the symbol imprinted on the acetate drawing. ‘But… I think I need to go alone.’

Jack’s concern was obvious, predictable, but John knew he wouldn’t mind. ‘Is everything okay?’

‘Everything’s… perfect, actually.’ He stood, holding both his husband’s hands in his. ‘I’ll be back by lunchtime. While I’m gone… if there are any more of those Minbari mating rituals we could try….?’

A smile curled the edges of Jack’s mouth. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Yeah. Yesterday was intense, but afterwards… it was almost as if the ritual shook something loose.’ He could see in Jack’s eyes that he understood. 

‘I’ll see what our options are. Take care?’

‘I will.’ 

*

It was an easy walk, and he reached the small stone building within an hour of setting out. There was no door, and he stepped into the cool gloom, eyes adjusting slowly until he could make out a symbol etched into the stone work above a simple altar. Below it, in front of the stone slab, was a step, and he sat down on it, bowing his head, closing his eyes.

He saw the light behind his eyelids, and a familiar voice asked, ‘Why are you here?’

Looking, he saw not Lorien but an outline, a ghost of him. ‘I had a dream.’

‘Your mind was quiet. Kosh left a path into your unconscious, I just followed.’

‘Why did you want me to come here?’

‘I wanted to know if you got the Vorlon’s message.’

He nodded. ‘Yes, I did.’

‘Will you come?’

‘It depends.’ 

‘On what?’

‘I won’t leave Jack at the end. I won’t do that to him.’

‘We cannot come to get you.’

‘I know.’

‘You will die.’

He smiled to himself. ‘I should have died at Z’Ha’Dum. I’m not afraid of death.’

‘Then what are you afraid of?’

‘Leaving Jack alone.’

‘So… if he was to die before you….’

John’s eyes hardened. ‘Don’t you dare lay a finger on him.’

‘Apologies, threat… was not my intention. What do you want, John?’

‘To grow old with him.’

‘And if he passes before you, when it is his natural time to do so, then you will come to us?’

He thought about that. ‘Yes.’

‘In which case, I suppose, just a little longer wouldn’t hurt.’

A long finger reached out impossibly far and touched his forehead. John felt warmth in his skin, a soft humming along his nerves not painful, per se, but strange, like a low electrical current, there one moment then gone.

He was alone.

He thought about what had happened as he walked back to the cabin. Maybe the whole thing had been an hallucination. He doubted Lorien had crossed the rim of known space and reached all the way to Minbar just to check he’d got Kosh’s message. Whatever had happened, he felt good, was happy he’d gone and gone alone, but now he wanted to be back again. 

‘Jack?’

He was out on the veranda, wearing just a robe tied at the waist, an empty mug and two books out on the same table he had his feet up on; one book open in his hands

‘Hey. You’re back sooner than I thought you would be.’ He held out his hand and John took it. 

‘What is all this?’

‘I found these in a cupboard over there. They’re the three books of Minbari rituals, with detailed descriptions and diagrams. Turns out the place we went yesterday can facilitate, oversee or simply provide space for all of them.’ John sat down on the other chair. ‘How was the temple?’

‘It was… old.’

‘Did you find what you were looking for?’

‘Honestly, I’m not sure. I dreamt about it. Not a nightmare, just… a feeling. I’ve come to trust my dreams, Jack. I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to leave you out, I just knew it was something I needed to do alone.’

‘That’s okay. I’ve had fun.’

‘Found anything we can do?’

‘Well… we’re clearly quite far down the list already.’ He flipped to a page close to the back of the book and showed him. John’s eyes widened. ‘I did say I thought Minbari were designed slightly differently. Remember the… sack thing Stephen was referring to when he told us about the hoses in the showers?’ The writing was in Minbari, but the diagram was clear. 

‘So… is that a double-ended dildo, or a tube of some kind?’ 

Even Jack’s over-active imagination hadn’t come up with that. ‘Jesus. It has to be a dildo. If it’s hollow….’ Apparently there was a line even his mind refused to cross. ‘I think the title translates to ‘the give and take of pleasure’.’

‘So… the third figure in the diagram…?’

‘Holds the centre, but I don’t think he - or she - moves it, I think the participating couple does that; push and pull, that sort of thing.’ He stared at the diagram and John stared at him until he looked up. ‘What?’

‘We could… give it a go.’ But even as he said it, he realised the idea of it and the reality of it were going to be two completely different things. It didn’t look like a big thing, but bits of his brain were already scrambling the adrenaline, ready for flight.

Jack had closed the book, had a hand on his arm. ‘John… stay with me.’ 

He took a deep breath, breathing through the panic attack, frustrated by his own reaction. ‘Sorry.’

‘No. I’m sorry. I wasn’t suggesting we try it.’

‘I want to.’

‘You don’t. Or rather, maybe your dick wants to, but the reasonable part of you doesn’t.’

‘To be inside you while you’re inside me….’ He could see the immediate interest light up Jack’s face. ’See? How amazing would that be?’

‘Not physically possible. As for this, you’re not ready for anything like that, and even if you were, I couldn't do it with my back to you, or with a third person in the room.’

John took his hand, kissed his fingertips. ‘We’re inventive, resourceful men. We should be able to think of someway of doing something like it. Meanwhile….’ He reached over, grasped on one end of the belt holding Jack’s robe closed, pulled on it. At the same time, he dropped from the chair to his knees and ducked under one of Jack’s legs, settling between his thighs, licking a long line from the base of his cock to its tip, smiling up at him before opening his mouth and starting to suck on the purplish head. Slowly, he took him over his tongue to the back of his throat, lips stretched around him, swallowing around the shaft.

Jack let out a shuddering breath on a low moan, stroked one hand lightly over John’s hair and shifted his hips forward, dropping his head back but keeping his eyes open and locked on the sight of John’s mouth wide around the base of his cock. He spread his legs as best he could within the confines of the chair, making way for John’s fingers as they reached behind his balls to stroke his perineum firmly, up to his hole and back, then he put his own hand carefully under John’s chin, lifting his head slightly until those beautiful blue eyes met his gaze; worship and hunger.

His orgasm shocked him, coming almost out of nowhere. He watched John’s throat work to swallow him, his lips holding him as he started to soften. John’s tongue worked the soft foreskin, soothing and torturous at the same time. Jack’s body spasmed, hands gripping John’s where they rested on his thighs. Finally, he lifted his head, licked his lips, smug as fuck.

Jack surged forward, took John’s face in his hands and kissed him, pressing his tongue into his mouth, tasting himself. John hummed softly and he felt it. 

‘I fucking love you,’ he murmured as if the fact still took him by surprise. 

John smiled, kissed the corners of his mouth. ‘I love you too.’

He dropped his hand down John’s front, over the buttons of his still-fastened shirt, to stroke the hard bulge at the front of his trousers. ‘What do you want?’ John caught his wrist gently, and immediately he stopped touching. 

‘I want to stay hard for a while. I want us to go for a walk, find somewhere private when I can’t wait any longer.’

‘Orgasm denial.’ He nodded his understanding. ‘There’s a ritual for that.’

They walked hand in hand, heading for an area that was more woodland than meadow, Jack becoming more and more certain they were the only ones around for miles and wondering who’d called in how many favours to make that possible. 

‘Tell me about this ritual of denial.’

‘It’s a doozy. The perspective couple kneel opposite one another and touch each other, anywhere - including the genitals - but only with a single finger. No wanking. No orgasms allowed.’

‘How long do the Minbari keep that up for?’

‘Hours. As usual, because they’re an unexpectedly kinky race, an overseer watches and ensures the rules are adhered to.’

‘Is the overseer allow to jerk off?’

Jack frowned. ‘I have no idea. Probably not. I don’t think they’re expected to want to.’ He glanced at John’s crotch. ‘How are you doing?’

‘I was doing fine until you said the word genitals.’

‘You just let me know when you need me to drop to my knees and suck you off. Or… I could get on all fours and let you fuck me.’ John swallowed, almost missed a step but carried on. ‘Remember what we talked about, getting one another off just by talking dirty?’

‘That’s what you’re doing?’

He smiled. ‘It’s definitely a challenge.’ He could feel the tension in John’s hand, just for a moment. Clearly, he was more determined than Jack had imagined. He smiled to himself. He could work with that. 

They carried on walking, the trees getting taller around them, but the path staying wide enough for them to remain side by side, grassy areas at intervals, which Jack noted each time they passed one. 

‘I was thinking about that other ritual,’ John started, ‘with the double-ended dildo. Michael had one Sinclair gave him, a Y shape that penetrated two men at the same time if they were sitting close enough, or lying on top of one another.’

‘Sinclair? The guy who became Valen had a double dildo?’

‘I think it was a vibrator, but yes. He was a kinky son of a bitch.’

‘I’m not going to ask how you know that. He had a point though, if I think about sitting in your lap, your dick rubbing up against mine, something inside us both… Nothing as bulky as a dildo though…. The place where I bought my plug had these wide U-shaped plugs, ending in smooth, elongated bulbs. They were lovely. I’m sure one of those would work. We could ask the Minbari overseer if we can bring our own.’

John glanced at him, eyes a little too wide. Jack slid two fingers up along his wrist, stroked the scar there before resting on his pulse point. ‘We could prepare in the villa, take time with each other, lubricating, stretching, each of us inserting a small plug into the other so we’re ready for what’s coming. When we’re ready, we could go to the ritual palace, get naked and comfortable together, lying face to face, wrapped up in one another so our dicks can rest against one another, although obviously they wouldn’t rest. We’d both be hard, sliding restlessly together, leaking over one another.’ John’s pulse was a fair indicator of the effect he was having, the bulge in his trousers getting more pronounced. ’That’s when the overseer would approach, he’d remove the plugs carefully, then ever so slowly work one end of the double plug into each of us; first just touching the rounded ends against our holes, then rocking it back and forth until we both open up and we’re penetrated by the smooth, cool, metal.’ John’s hand was gripping his hand, skin hot. ‘He wouldn’t stop, not until we’re both moaning with the sensation of those elongated shapes massaging us inside, each of us feeling the same waves of pleasure from it. Once they’re as deep as they go, he’d leave us for a while, connected by the thing deep inside us, cold metal pushing our balls to the side, rubbing behind them every time we moved. Exquisite pressure on the outside and the inside. We’d kiss, get in some nipple play and I could slick up a finger with our combined pre-cum and fuck your belly button ever so gently. Just when we’re at the point of begging, the overseer would return, kneel and pull the plug out of us, slowly, all the way… before he started to fuck us with it, bulbs pushing and pulling at our holes, hitting our prostrates; back and forth, in and out, smooth but at a wonderful, constant speed, each time the overseer’s knuckles bumping against our balls. And finally we’d both coming, climaxes ripped from us, so intense that all we’re aware of is the steel in our asses and one another’s semen….’

John pulled on his hand, sinking to his knees on the grassy verge, his other hand rubbing desperately at his groin. Jack followed him down, impressed at how far he’d made it, pushing him to lie back, getting his pants open and down just enough to expose his cock which he swallowed. John thrust upwards, crying out in mindless relief, and finally, finally, he felt John’s fingers tight in his hair, holding him still so he could fuck up into his mouth. 

It was what he’d been trying for, what he’d been trying to get John to do for six months at least, and he mewled with pleasure, closing his eyes, working John with his throat muscles, his tongue, lips stretched around the base of the delicious cock. John yelled his name as he flooded his throat and mouth with come, body trembling, Jack’s name falling from his lips again and again like a prayer. 

Fingers disentangled from his hair, hands lifted from his head, and they both sat up. Jack curled his fingers around the back of John’s neck and brought his forehead to rest against his own, waiting for him to come down.

‘Christ, Jack… are you okay? Did I-‘

‘You didn’t hurt me. I’ve been waiting a year for you to do that, to properly fuck my face and you were perfect, so wildly uninhibited.’ He caught John’s hand in his own and pressed it between his legs. ‘I came, John, just from you doing that.’ Truth was, he’d wound himself up as much as he had John, talking out the fantasy, and the tight friction of his pants had been enough for him to get off. But John fucking his face had tipped him over the edge.

Sitting back, he watched John look around. ‘This place is insane.’

‘I definitely appreciate the privacy.’ Reaching between them, he gently tucked John away again, fastening and buttoning. Leaning over he kissed him, drawing it out, John’s tongue flicking over his lips. 

‘I think there must be something in the air.’

It wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility, but Jack didn’t think they needed the additional stimulation. ’So what’s our excuse when we’re at home?’

‘You.’ John dragged his fingers through Jack’s beard. ‘You’re an aphrodisiac, pure sex. You’re made for it. Everything about you; your voice, your mouth, your amazing cock…. the way you look at me. I love everything about you.’

‘You have that same effect on me. We were made for one another. We fit together perfectly, every aspect of ourselves slotting together.’

‘Would you do that? What you just described…?’

Jack almost immediately said no. But he stopped before the word was over his lips and ghosted fingertips over John’s face. ‘The double headed toy? Yes, in a heartbeat. Could I have the overseer there…?’ He wasn’t sure. ‘I don’t know. I think I’d be too… not sure I’d like him seeing you like that.’

John kissed him. ‘Get the toy? I’m sure it’s something you and I can easily do ourselves.’

‘Oh, you’re on.’ He gazed into those blue eyes for a time, trying to read what was there. ‘Would you be okay with someone else…?’

John shook his head. ‘No. It would be showing someone something so deeply personal, so private. Even if they didn’t actually touch. You, naked, aroused and erect, open hole being fucked with a plug; that’s just for me to see. Your orgasm too, the sight and sound and smell of it… I don’t want anyone else knowing those things from now on.’

Jack closed his eyes as something like a rush of heat swept over him, dick giving an interested twitch. ‘I think there is definitely something in the fucking air around here.’

*

TUZANOR, MINBAR, AUGUST 2263

‘How was the honeymoon?’ Stephen asked, and John replied,

‘Perfect. How was B5?’

‘Not perfect. But it was good to be back there. For a while. Good to be back here too.’ He led the way into the examination room. ‘Up.’ Stephen pointed to the bed and John looked at it. ‘Don’t worry. It’s just a routine examination. Jack had his yesterday.’

‘He told me.’

‘So, you know there’s nothing to worry about.’

‘He said you stuck your finger up his ass.’

Stephen rolled his eyes. ‘What is it about men and a prostate exam? It’s a medical examination, nothing more. It takes… five seconds, if that. Up.’

He started with a completely non-invasive scan; blood pressure, temperature, pulse rate (which was high), blood-oxygen level. He took a blood sample and went out into the lab to start the work up. The technology here was fantastic; the results would be ready before he’d finished the exam. If John was going to let him. He went back into the room, holding out a cup. ‘Go and pee in that for me?’

John took it. ‘Fine.’

While he was gone, Stephen gazed at the array of instruments on the table at the back of the room, none of which he planned on using. He’d checked with Jack about this, asked if John was going to be okay with it, and he hadn’t seemed certain. He’d confirmed John had managed to overcome a large number of his own internalised fears, but not all of them, and he hated the infirmary more than he’d hated MedLab. There had been something else in Jack’s eyes too, something fiercely protective, and he’d almost asked him to be present, asked him to ask John if he wanted him to be. He was starting to wish he had.

John came out of the toilet, handing over the small cup. Stephen left the room again to start the work up running on the sample, still mulling over what to do next, decided by the time he got back into the room.

‘This isn’t anything you haven’t been through before,’ he started. ‘I’m going to ask you to undress and lie down on your back. I’ll use a scanner to check your lungs, stomach and intestines where you’ve been injured in the past. Completely non-invasive. After that, I’m going to use my hands to check you from head to toe for anything that looks or feels abnormal. This will include a brief examination of your genitals, again, nothing I haven’t done before. I’ll ask you to turn on to your side and bend one knee, at which point I’ll pull on a latex glove, lubricate one finger, and insert it through your anus, inside your rectum, and feel around your prostate for any swelling, enlargement, or signs of cancer. It’ll be uncomfortable but it won’t hurt and it’ll be over in seconds. After that, I’ll ask you to get dressed and run through anything I’ve found that requires further investigation or treatment.’ He looked wryly at John. ‘Do you consent to my doing all of that?’

John nodded.

‘Okay.’

When they were done, Stephen gave John some privacy to get dressed. He hadn’t liked any of it, no one ever did and in all fairness John’s examinations went on longer than others because he’d had so many injuries in the past, but he’d got through it. Stephen had recommended going home and getting in the bath, letting the oils sooth anything that might be slightly sore or sensitive. He checked the results from the urine sample, which were normal, and the blood work up. He checked the blood work up twice.

John was sitting up on the bed, fully clothed, shoes on, ready to escape the first moment he could. He obviously caught the expression on Stephen’s face.

‘What is it?’

‘Did anything… happen that you haven’t told me about?’

‘Like what? Doc? What’s up?’

‘The… energy Lorien gave you. Obviously, it’s been slowly depleting, and I’ve been tracking it. The difference after Mars was… significant.’

‘I know.’

‘I can’t explain this, but it’s… been replenished. It’s back up to the level it was at when you got back from Z’Ha’Dum.’ He watched a slow realisation come over John’s face. ‘You knew.’

‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘I didn’t know. But something happened while we were away. I thought I’d imagined it, but I think Lorien… contacted me. I think he… touched me.’

‘That’s… that’s fantastic.’

John nodded slowly, taking it in. ‘He’s given me more time. To grow old with Jack….’ Stephen watched him blink happy tears from his eyes.

‘It’s about time the universe did something for you. Everything else is… absolutely fine, all the bits of you I’ve put back together are holding. There are still trace levels of psychotropics in your muscle tissue, but if you want to have a drink now and again, starting very carefully and very slowly, go ahead. Maybe a glass of champagne?’

*

John and Stephen found Jack in the main conference hall. He was deep in discussions with a small group John didn’t recognise. Security were lining the back walls, so whoever it was, it was someone Michael didn’t trust. After the Vren incident he wasn’t taking any chances, but Jack looked happy enough; there was a complicated star map on the large screen that he was drawing on using the small mirrored screen in the conference table, the one he was sitting on. If Susan saw him, she’d rip him a new one.

John was too happy to care. He and Stephen stood on the mezzanine overlooking the hall, leaning on the railing. Stephen kept grinning at him. They waited there until finally Jack realised he was being watched and glanced up. The look of concern that greeted them initially changed when he saw they were smiling. He held up one hand, fingers spread: five minutes, and John nodded. 

‘How’s Lise doing?’ John asked, and Stephen nodded. 

‘She’s absolutely doing great. Being pregnant suits her.’

‘Michael’s going to make the best father.’

‘Yes, he is.’ Stephen’s regard changed to curiosity. ‘You’ve never considered it?’

‘At one time. I think Anna and I planned to have kids one day, and maybe the idea was always in the back of my mind. But I’m too selfish with Jack, I don’t want to share him. And he’s never mentioned wanting children.’

‘That’s fair. There is only so much you can give to others. Besides, I’m sure Michael and Lise will be looking for willing babysitters eventually.’

’They should have thought of that before they got pregnant.’ He gazed at Jack, watching him work, and for the first time he found himself thinking about retirement. Not yet, obviously, not for a few years, but when it was time to hand over to someone else, doing something that would at least give them more time to explore. Maybe go back to Alura-Prism, although he didn’t want to wait to retire to to that, but to explore more of the planet. He knew Jack used to scuba-dive. He blinked, pulling himself back to the moment. ‘How’s Maise?’ The way Stephen was looking at him, he thought maybe he should make it clear, ‘that’s not connected in anyway with Michael and Lise’s situation, I was just asking.’

Stephen nudged him playfully, ‘I’m just winding you up. She’s fine, busy. I don’t see her as much as I thought I would, or as much as I’d like to, but it’s good.’

Below them, the meeting broke up, and Jack headed for the stairs up to the mezzanine. They met him at the top.

‘Everything okay?’

‘I’ve just had my physical.’

‘And.. what? Don’t tell me we’re pregnant.’

John was thrown for a moment. ‘Erm. No. The energy that’s keeping me alive… it’s been replenished. And it’s changed, it’s… recreating itself.’

Jack stared at him, then glanced at Stephen. ‘I take it by the smiles, that’s a good thing?’

‘I’m not going to die in seventeen years. I’m going to be around a lot longer. If I’m right… I’ll be with you until the end.’

‘Oh, my God….’ He wrapped his arms around John’s neck, and John returned the hug, feeling tears against his neck, holding him, letting him cry. It was a minute or so before he managed to compose himself and step back. ‘That’s… how?’

‘The temple, at Alura-Prism. I think… Lorien came to me somehow. He asked me if I’d go to the rim when I knew I was dying and I said no. I said I wouldn’t leave you. So he asked when I would join them and I said, after it was your time. Then he… touched me, and I thought I felt something change but… I could have so easily imagined it, or he could have done something else…. I didn’t want to say anything because I wasn’t sure. But the physical includes a full blood work up and that’s what Stephen found.’

Jack kissed him, possibly meaning for it to be a quick one, but John had other ideas. They only broke apart when Stephen cleared his throat.

‘So, yeah… we were thinking… champagne?’

*

‘I am wrecked…’ 

John leaned into Jack as he tried to focus on walking straight. He’d had one glass of bubbly. 

‘You’re such a cheap date.’ Jack squeezed his arm around his waist happily. ‘Hey, did you let Stephen put his finger up your ass?’

‘After some discussion. How can it be so… uncomfortable when he does that, and yet you get four of yours up there and it’s heaven?’

Jack laughed. ‘Context.’

Once home, they dropped into the sofa side by side. 

‘We should get some food.’

‘We should definitely get some food.’ John reached for the pad, and the screen lit up on a very adult site. He stared at the selection of beads and plugs. ‘Been shopping?’

Maybe if he’d been sober, Jack would have had the grace to look guilty, but he wasn’t and he didn’t. 

‘Just browsing. We talked about me replacing my favourite dildo…’

John nodded. ‘Found one you like?’

Jack shrugged. ‘Maybe. Order some food, I’m starving.’

They ordered takeout from the Italian place, John returning to the site when they were done. He pulled down the contents menu and looked through the myriad toys that were available. ‘Anal hooks?’

‘For bondage, primarily, not my thing.’ Jack leaned over, selected Plugs from the menu, and a second menu popped up: Anal - Urethra.

‘Wait, what…?’ John tapped on the second option, not actually sure he wanted to know. The images that came up were… clinical. Shining steel things that reminded him of bottle stoppers, only much, much thinner; long and short, narrow plugs, some curved, some ribbed, others straight. The further down he went down the list, the more brutal they looked. He glanced at Jack who was watching him with undisguised interest. ‘These are plugs that go inside….’

Jack nodded. ‘Not something I’ve ever tried.’

‘Sounds like a catheter.’ Although he had to admit, they didn’t look the same. 

‘They don’t go in as far. If it doesn’t go into your bladder, you wouldn’t lose that control.’

Close to the bottom of the list, there were plugs attached to steel rings and a metal curve ending in a large ball, or string of balls. John’s cock pulsed in his pants.

‘If you wanted to give one a go, I’ll happily play with the ones up at the top, but I think things like that are going to be too close to bondage. I wouldn’t like to be in a situation where I need to get something like that out of you quickly. If that makes sense.’

John had to agree. He scrolled back up. ‘What do you think it would feel like?’

‘Well… when you’re close to orgasm, if I touch a fingertip to your slit, or push my tongue just inside, you come like a freight train.’

His dick gave another pulse, hardening at just the suggestion, suddenly self-conscious for absolutely no reason. ‘I love it when you do that.’ He was acutely aware of Jack, their shoulders and hips touching, the heat of his skin through his clothes.

‘I know.’ 

He knew he was being watched, and bit his lip before turning his head to meet Jack’s curious gaze. The kiss just happened, inevitable. He loved Jack’s lips against his own, tongue in his mouth, long and drawn out, not heading anywhere. At least not for the moment.

‘Wonder if I can make you come just by tonguing you like that?’ Jack murmured, mouths still close, eyes closed. The image John’s brain supplied was gloriously obscene. Shifting up, resting his chin on John’s shoulder, Jack leaned over and scrolled up to the top of the screen. There were two, one that resembled a cork screw, and another that reminded him of a string of anal beads, only much smaller, with a rounded end and a ball on top. That was the one he added to the basket, which it reported already had two items in it. John didn’t look what else was in there.

The door chime startled them both, despite the fact they’d been waiting for it, and Jack offered to go, untucking his shirt and letting it hang down to cover the bulge in his trousers that John caught a glance of as he stood. He went into the kitchen, fetched plates and cutlery, and joined Jack back on the sofa. The food smelt delicious, and his stomach overrode his cock for once. John continued mooching through the adult site while they ate, now and again stopping to look at the details of some of the more unusual designs. They’d finished eating by the time he navigated to the dildo and vibrator menu, scrolling down slowly until, to Jack’s surprise, he clicked on one to read the details. It was a metal curved one with the same soft skin as the site’s range of plugs. The slim toy had a slim, bulbous head and bead-like ribs at one end (for anal penetration and prostate stimulation according to the description), and a single smooth cone shape at the other for perineum massage. It had a metal centre but was covered by the same soft skin as the plug Jack had bought a couple of months back. It looked beautiful, and obviously something about the plug shaped ends and the similarity to the beads John loved had caught his attention.

‘We could try it,’ Jack murmured, ‘if you think you might like it.’ 

John hesitated, but added it to the basket. His erection, which had faded during dinner, was back, aching with the vague ideas and images running through his mind. Jack took the pad from him and put it on the table, stroking one hand between John’s legs. 

‘What do you want me to do?’ he murmured softly, and after a moment’s thought, John asked him to fetch the black plug. ’Are you sure?’

‘I’ll let you know.’

John undressed and lay down on his front on the sofa, aching dick trapped against the cushion. He caught Jack’s hum of approval when he came back, heard heavy objects being set down on the table, the sofa cushion moving when Jack sat down. Warm hands stroked his back, the curve of his ass, the backs of his thighs. He shivered when he felt the soft hairs of Jack’s beard against his cleft, lips on his skin behind his balls. ‘We both know I’m not putting anything inside you in this position,’ Jack murmured softly.

‘I want…’ He couldn’t say it, feeling the flush in his cheeks. 

‘Tell me. Whatever it is.’

‘Being exposed to you, only you… I can’t describe it. You said earlier, it’s about context?’ He hoped Jack understood. 

‘I need you to know it’s me.’

’Use your voice, Jack…. Just talk me through it.’

He could sense the hesitation, but felt warm breath, gentle fingers easing his cheeks apart to expose him. He hummed softly, pressing his cock into the sofa cushion just to ease the ache in it. He heard a familiar click; the sound of the top of the lube being opened. But the cool gel against his sphincter was a slight shock, he felt it tighten then relax, a finger pushing inside him, light kisses being dropped to the small of his back. 

Jack took his time, fucking him slowly with one finger, eventually adding a second. With Michael, this part had always seemed perfunctory, or maybe that wasn’t fair, maybe they’d both been guilty of wanting to move on to other things. With Jack, it was something more, something special in its own right. He loved the feeling of movement, the ever-changing sensations of stretch and stroke, the gentle stimulation of his prostate, the way Jack rubbed his thumb along his perineum as he fingered him. If he sat up on his knees, if Jack wrapped his hand around his cock, he’d come in a long, drawn out orgasm. He didn’t need anything more. But he wanted more tonight. The alcohol was still fizzing in his bloodstream, in his head, not drunk but relaxed, wanting to push at more of the boundaries he’d put in place.

‘Jack, please….’

He felt a shift, Jack picking up the plug, and it was put into his hand. 

‘Feel the shape of it. I want you to know where we are with it when I put it inside you. I want you to tell me to stop if it’s too much. And I’m not talking about the size of it, I know you can take that. I’m talking about everything else.’

He held it for a second or two. It was slimmer than Jack even at its widest point. Not the size, as Jack had said. The unrelenting pressure, the weight, the fact it wasn’t human. John reached back, handed it to him. ‘I want it.’

Jack’s fingers, still working inside him, slid out, and he felt empty, bereft of anything inside him, cock throbbing with anticipation. He felt the rounded point of the cone shape resting against him. Even with lube, the plug was still much cooler than skin.

‘I’m going to go slow, John, but you need to keep talking to me.’

‘Do it, please….’

The initial breach was smooth, but he could feel the increase of the size as more of it pressed in. Unlike Jack’s fingers, his cock, it was a slow, continual stretch, so it felt for a few seconds like it wasn’t going to quit, like it was going to keep on opening him until he was gaping, torn…. 

It did stop, not because it was all the way in, but because he’d tensed up, tremors running through him, and he became aware of it only when he felt the soft scratch of Jack’s heard above his cleft. 

‘Breathe,’ he murmured, and John followed the instruction. ‘You’re half way down.’

‘Jesus… it feels bigger than it felt in my hand.’

‘Do you want me to stop?’

‘Just….’ He didn’t know what he wanted to say. 

‘John?’

‘I don’t know,’ he admitted, and the pressure immediately eased as Jack slid the plug out. The next thing John felt was a kiss to his stretched hole, and he sighed. ‘Sorry.’

‘No apology needed. You said yourself it was too big when you put it in me.’ Jack kissed him again, tongue furling and pressing into his body, just a little way in, so more welcome than the unrelenting press of the plug. After a minute or so, he replaced his tongue with his fingers; two going in easily now, John pushing back to take him. Jack kissed his ass cheeks, sitting up.

‘Come up on your knees,’ he murmured. John did as he was told, after a pause to see if Jack was going to take his fingers out of him, which he wasn’t. It felt strange to be moving with something inside him like that, a little uncomfortable until he got up, trapping Jack’s hand beneath him. 

He felt Jack moving behind him. ‘Straddle me, John, with your back to me.’ As he moved, a third finger pushed into him and he cried out at the surprise but not unwelcome intrusion, getting his knees either side of Jack’s legs. He heard the visceral sound, a quiet slap of lube being applied, a cock being pumped to full hardness. Shifting, he could feel Jack’s knuckles against the small of his back while the knuckles of his other hand bumped against his prostate. ‘Sorry, Love, hurting you has the equivalent effect of a cold shower.’

’Stop.’

Everything stopped, Jack’s fingers sliding from his body, leaving him empty. He turned to face Jack, combing fingers into his hair.

‘Love you. So, so much.’ 

He kissed him, licking into his mouth, bringing their flagging erections up alongside one another, wrapping one hand around the,. The sensation of it was warm, sort of soft, both of them getting hard again. ‘Love your beard against me,’ he murmured, rubbing them together in long, luxurious strokes. ‘Have you any idea how it feels against my ass? The rough softness of it. It’s… gorgeous.’ Jack was thrusting up into his grip, eyes not leaving his face. ‘I love your hands on me, the way you touch me with such absolute certainty, with complete confidence, the way you did back on the Agamemnon, knowing you could make me hard, knowing you could bring me off.’ Jack groaned, hands restless on John’s body now; stroking his thighs, hugging his waist. He leaned in to suck on his nipples, pulling a low moan from John’s throat. ‘And I love your cock, your glorious cock, love the… weight of it in my hand, when it’s erect and when it’s soft.’ Jack’s teeth bit down ever so gently on him. ‘Love the way… it feels and tastes when it’s in my mouth, on my tongue, down my throat.’ Another bite, slightly harder, followed by soothing licks before attention moved to his left nipple. He stroked Jack’s hair, putting a little pressure through his hand, met with an approving moan, firm lips suckling him; it felt utterly incredible. John’s voice hitched but he went on, ‘When you’re inside me, it’s perfect. The way you open me, the stretch around you, the way my body makes room for you. It… feels like you belong there.’

Jack thrust into his hand, against his dick, yelled once and came hard; John saw it, felt it, smelt it, and came himself, adding to the mess.

When Jack fell back against the sofa, there was a sappy smile on his face and joy in his eyes. ‘Not what I had in mind, but still fantastic.’ He tapped John’s nipples with his fingertips. ‘Maybe I should be playing with those wonderful clamps you bought for me.’

‘Oddly, it’s never been something I thought I liked particularly, but that was… that felt…’ He nodded. ‘I think I’d like that. Sorry about the plug….’

‘You do not apologise. We’ve always agreed, we both get to say stop. We’re going to try things one of us doesn’t like, it’s inevitable.’

John remained tangled with his husband. ‘Who was the first to show you how good it was for your nipples?’

‘That was... a long time ago. When I was at the academy. A few of us had gone out, into the city, got drunk. We found this tattoo and piercing place. Somehow, I ended up in the chair. The guy was covered in tats, couple of piercings in places we could see them, probably more in places we couldn’t. The way he looked at me.... He shooed the rest of them out, and I’d already got my shirt open when he said that he wasn’t going to pierce me. He said he had a rule not to do drunks. He said it was a shame, because I had lovely nipples and they’d look good with some jewellery, and I said something along the lines that his fingers would look good on them too. He indulged me, and it felt really good. He ended up jerking me off, working my nipples with his fingers, and the sensation... I came quickly, bit my own hand to keep myself from screaming. He tucked me back, and said he had something that would fool my mates, at least for the night. He brought out this little ring with a screw clamp and attached it to my right nipple. I swear just the feel of it made me hard again. Did fool the rest of them, at least until morning when we were all relieved it wasn’t real.’

Sometimes the simmering hunger John felt for this man scared the life out of him. ‘You’ve never thought maybe you’d like it done?’

Jack’s expression changed. ‘Never did when I was serving. But now you come to mention it....’

John drew circles around his left nipple with the tip of his index finger, the sensitive areolae puckering, the bud hardening. ‘I think you’d look good with a piercing here.’

‘Yeah?’ Jack’s fingers hadn’t left John’s chest in all the time he’d been talking, telling his story, but his touches were so light as not to be distracting. Until he asked, ‘what about you?’ And pinched John’s right nipple gently. It wasn’t pain he felt, it was something else, something deeper. He hadn’t realised how sensitive all the gentle play had made him. ‘A little bar through here? I met a guy once who had bars through both nipples and liked to electrocute himself, not dangerously, just like... static through the metal. Said he could come without any other stimulation.’ John shuddered, body initiating its own response to the idea. Immediately he saw Jack’s expression change. ‘God, sorry, that was....’

John shook his head and sat up to kiss him, the only way he could think to stop whatever was coming. ‘I’m not going to break,’ he reassured him, one hand stroking his beard just because he loved the feel of it. ‘Not now.’ He sat back. ‘There’s a place on Centauri Prime with an excellent reputation for cleanliness, quality work, and discretion. It’s where high ranking members of the royal court go for certain things.’

Jack’s eyes widened. ‘Things?’

‘Piercings. I’ve heard it’s quite common for well-off Centauri males to have... what did they used to call it on Earth? A Prince Albert?’

It was Jack’s turn to shiver. ‘I’ve been with a couple of guys with those, or derivations of those. They look so painful to get done. There was one guy, a dancer at a strip club on Mars, he’d had four tiny metal balls put under the skin just below his glans, and then a ring which went into his slit. He said it made sex feel a hundred times better. It felt… different, I’ll say that.’

‘You let him….’

‘I was curious.’

‘Your curiosity hadn’t got you into enough trouble?’ He asked gently, stroking Jack’s chest hairs. 

‘Can’t turn your back on adventure just because something goes wrong once in a while. You of all people know that.’

‘So, is that a yes to a nipple piercing?’

‘And we’d be going to Centauri Prime on official presidential business?’

John shrugged. ‘I haven’t seen Londo in a while. I should check in.’

‘And will your - our - security details be looking on?’ He had a point. ‘I’d want you there, if I went through with it.’

‘You think I’d let you go alone, after what you’ve just told me happened the last time?’ 

‘I’d like to think that was a one-off. I think most tattoo artists and piercers actually perform the service their customers go in for.’

‘Even if you hadn’t told me… I want to watch.’

‘You’re so kinky. I mean, I knew that. But you still surprise me.’

John reached down, picked up the plug from the floor. ‘Not that kinky that I can take you putting this inside me. Not sure that curved dildo on the site is going to work either.’

‘Trial and error, like I said, somethings we like, somethings we don’t.’ He kissed John, lips lingering. ‘The fun is in finding the things we both love.’

*

/he’s beyond cold, body shivering uncontrollably with shock. everything hurts but he’s worried about the injuries he can’t feel or see, the internal damage they must have done with their steel capped boots and nightsticks. two of them are standing over him as he lies on his front on the floor, trying to protect already broken ribs from further abuse. he thinks he knows what’s coming when one of them kicks his legs apart, but the wide, brutal thing that’s pushed between his ass cheeks isn’t flesh and blood, and he screams when it’s forced inside him, tearing the delicate muscle around his hole and the sensitive walls of his rectum. he hears words over the rush of blood in his ears, the agonising pain of his body trying to accommodate the thing penetrating him while at the same time trying to push it out. ‘don’t cause too much damage. we’ll be in trouble if he bleeds to death.’ the insertion stops, the nightstick is pulled back. then it’s being used as a substitute dildo to rape him with, the guard grunting his own arousal, while he claws at the floor and screams himself hoarse/

A different pain finally pulled him from the clutches of the night terror, pinches to his skin that shocked him awake. He opened his eyes, fully expecting to see the whitewashed walls of the cell and the blinking red light of the camera in the corner, and sobbed when he saw Jack, eyes dark and wide with worry. Neither of them spoke for a few seconds; John took a couple of deep breaths while Jack stroked his hair gently, but kept space between them, something John realised he was doing once he was fully aware. He glanced down and saw the scratch marks on Jack’s left arm. A wave of regret swept away the memory of pain, replacing it with a more immediate horror.

‘Jack….’

‘Not your fault.’ His tone was firm. ‘You were clawing at the sheet, I made a wrong move, I should have known better.’

‘I did that.’ He felt sick.

‘It was an accident. They’re not deep, they’re not bleeding. I’m more worried about you.’

John sat up cautiously, suddenly very self-conscious. Jack saw that and made a grab for both their robes, pulling his on, helping John get his arms in the right holes. They stayed in bed, half-covered by the comforter, several inches between them, a distance both were having trouble maintaining.

‘I’m… I know where I am.’ John put his hand on the bed, not sure how to ask for comfort given the wounds he’d already inflicted on his husband. But Jack didn’t hesitate, shifted close and wrapped his arms around John’s shoulders, hugging him. 

‘I didn’t know if you wanted me so close yet….’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s just been a while since you’ve had one that bad.’

‘It was so vivid…. Like I was… back there, like it was happening….’

‘Can you tell me where?’

‘At the start… the guard with his nightstick….’ He took a deep breath. ‘It felt like I was being torn in two.’ He felt Jack’s arms tighten around him before loosening just enough for him to drop a kiss to his hair, to his forehead, the tip of his nose. ‘Not sure I’ve really dealt with that part.’

‘Did you talk to Dr Osaka about it?’

‘Not in detail. I know why he did it, or at least I think I do; like everything else at the start, it was meant to physically break me. But they enjoyed it, got off on it.’

‘They were sadistic bastards, John, they’re dead, and I hope it was slow and agonising.’ The silence stretched between them. ‘I’ll make us a drink.’ John nodded. Invariably they wouldn’t touch them, but there was something soothing in the ritual. He followed Jack out of bed and through to the lounge, let the glass fold back and stepped out onto the balcony.

He stood for a long time, staring out into the darkness, until Jack came to stand next to him, handing him a small cup of something like white chocolate in hot, sweet, liquid form.

‘Remember I said there were things I did, to make it easier for myself?’ He saw Jack’s nod out of the corner of his eye. ‘When they left me alone, I was bleeding. I could feel it…. I got my fingers wet, felt around a bit down there… and tried to stretch myself, make it easier in the case they came back…. It hurt like hell, but it was nothing compared to what they’d done, what I thought they might do again.’

‘You did what you needed to do to take care of yourself.’ Jack linked his arm through John’s, rubbing his wrist gently. The scratches were already coming up, red marks on the inside of his arm. Jack caught him looking. ‘It’s fine, they’re just scratches.’

‘I did that to you.’

‘It was an accident. You were having a go at the bedding, it was my choice to put my arm in your way. Quit feeling guilty. You’ve never hurt me, not even when the terrors have been at their worst and you’ve been lashing out against what your brain’s perceived as a threat. You have never, will never, hurt me. Besides, this is my fault. I think trying to use the plug shook something loose.’

‘At least it has been shaken loose. These last details that are stuck in there, hidden by my own subconscious… they need to come to the fore. I need to face them.’

‘Not alone.’

He slid his hand down into Jack’s. ‘No, I know. I haven’t been for a long time.’

*

It had been blissfully peaceful for a couple of weeks, but that was usually when things kicked off somewhere, and John wasn’t surprised to hear about ‘rumblings on Mars’. 

He knew what the council wanted to hear too, so he volunteered to go, get in some flying practise in a White Star, as long as Marcus was happy to oblige him. Mars was a three day trip, and John had a feeling he wouldn’t be making it alone. Michael refused point blank to let him go without a full security detail, Lise asked if she could hitch a lift and check in with the board of Edgars’ Industries in person, and Stephen… well, Stephen hated the idea.

Unsurprisingly, Jack wasn’t too enamoured with it either.

‘It’s a big planet,’ John pointed out for the second time that day. ‘I’m going to Mars Central, you know it well.’

Jack had to admit he did. He knew a couple of bars, a couple of clubs, if they still existed. There was somewhere else too, a piercing parlour he’d been to with a couple of guys to holes put in various parts of their anatomy. 

‘I’m going with you.’

‘I’d… sort of hoped you would.’ Leaning back against the railing around the balcony, he crossed his arms. ‘I need to go. I need to be out in space again, because part of me wants to be and part of me doesn’t. And Mars… I’ve been back before and I was fine.’

‘You were far from fine. But I take your point. That place no longer exists. I know you’ll be safe because Michael won’t let you come to any harm, especially not there. He’s going to be like a cat on hot bricks the whole time.’

‘The journey’s longer than the stay.’

‘Pack warm clothes, from what I remember it’s freezing there.’

‘I wasn’t planning on taking a safari.’

*

WHITE STAR 2

The view from the command deck of the White Star was nothing but the red and black swirl of hyperspace, but John was mesmerised by it. He’d managed to fly the ship for a couple of hours without going off course. He wasn’t sure what the Minbari crew thought of his piloting skills, but Marcus seemed suitably impressed. 

‘I forgot to ask,’ he said when they’d handed back control to the flight crew. ‘How was your honeymoon?’

‘Wonderful, thank you.’

‘Where did you go?’

‘A place called Alura-Prism.’ It was difficult to miss the surprise on Marcus’ face even though he covered it well. ‘It’s beautiful over there.’

‘I’ve never actually been, but I’ve heard a lot about it.’

‘Jack chose it….’

‘Did he? Out of curiosity, while you were there, did you feel any… different?’

His curiosity was definitely genuine, and John had a bad feeling about it. ‘Not that I remember. Why?’

‘Alura-Prime is where courting Minbari couples go to complete the… rituals. You know about the rituals, I presume?’

‘Yes, Delenn mentioned them and Jack’s been fascinated by them since we got to Minbar.’

‘Did you try one?’ But he immediately withdrew the question. ‘Sorry, that is completely inappropriate.’

John smiled. ‘Why are you so interested?’

‘I’ve never heard of humans going there. There’s a reason it’s one of the areas chosen by Minbari for certain types of ritual.’

‘Well, like I said, it’s beautiful. Lots of nature.’

‘Lots of blossom.’ John nodded. ‘They’re a specific… speices of flower.’ Suddenly he realised what Marcus was getting at. ‘They give off certain chemicals.’

‘Aphrodisiacs, by any chance?’

Marcus grinned. ‘So you did notice.’

‘Jack kept saying he thought there was something in the air.’

‘There is. It’s not something the Minbari talk about at dinner parties, but neither is it a secret, they’re more… open about sex than we usually are.’ Even though he was fairly sure Jack hadn’t known, he was going to kill him anyway, for not doing his research. ‘You really didn’t notice? Maybe the chemical isn’t as effective on humans.’

‘I wouldn’t bet on that. We did try one of the rituals,’ he admitted. ‘All I can say is, the Minbari’s meditation techniques must be world class.’

He was trying his best not to laugh but losing the battle. ‘They really are.’

‘What’s the joke?’ They both turned to look at Michael, and John thought they must have looked like two guilty school boys. ‘Oh, now I definitely want to know.’

‘I was just noting how the president’s flying style was very much like renegade captains I’ve flown with in the past.’

‘That was you flying?’

‘You couldn’t tell?’

‘I couldn’t, and that should be taken as a compliment.’

‘In which case I’ll take it that way.’

‘Susan always said you were a standout pilot.’

‘In a Starfury. The navigation systems here are doing most of the work, I’m just pointing and flying. If I did anything remotely dangerous, the ship would take back control and give it to someone who knows what they’re doing. But I do know how to fly a spaceship.’

‘I know you do. I know you’re capable of a lot of things I forget sometimes.’

‘Like looking after myself?’

‘Jury’s out on that one,’ Michael joked, and John laughed. 

‘Fair enough.’

Marcus excused himself, but John stayed, staring out at the alien view of hyperspace. 

‘It’s beautiful, in its own way,’ he murmured, inviting Michael to share the moment.

He took a seat beside John, and after a long pause, asked him, ‘Are you going to be all right, being back on Mars?’

’Sure. It’s just a place, Mike. It was bad the last two times, but I’ve been plenty of times before that, so have you.’

‘Yeah, and I hate it as much now as I did then.’

John thought about it. ‘I had some… memorable nights on Mars, long ago.’

Michael chuckled. ‘Your chequered past never fails to surprise me.’

‘It’s not chequered.’

‘People look at you and see a great leader and a brave hero, and you are both of those things. But underneath it all, you are what Jack sees; how did he put it? The guy who used to flirt with everyone and let off steam by dancing with drag queens.’

John laughed. ‘That’s what he said? He can fucking talk. He had a real thing about dancers.’

Curious, Michael asked, ‘Is he… was he always exclusively into guys?’

‘As far as I know. Still is.’

‘No, now he’s exclusively into you.’ He changed the subject. ‘Any ideas about what we’re going to do when we get to the hellhole formally known as Mars?’

‘I’ve got some ideas about how to handle the situation. Delenn and Susan have been working remotely with Mars’ central council and I’m hoping we’ll just need to smooth things over.’

‘You know, Susan’s surprised me. I mean, she’s never been a people person, but she’s like a natural when it comes to smoothing things over.’

‘That’s what most of this job is, hers and mine.’

‘Yes, but you were born to it.’

Shaking his head, John denied that. ‘I really wasn’t. Ask Jack to tell you more about the drag queens. Seriously, I had one good idea once, and that led to… this. Somehow. I will never know how.’

Michael snorted. ‘Weird. I once had a terrible idea and it led to this.’ 

‘Different people, different routes, same destination.’

He rolled his eyes, ‘I hate it when you start to sound like Kosh.’

‘I do it on purpose. It’s difficult to come back on something that sounds like something a Vorlon would say.’

*

They’d taken White Star Two, John’s ship, for a reason. The beds. Most of the White Stars had adjustable beds now, but White Star Two had a double, John’s quarters when he was onboard, which admittedly wasn’t a lot of the time. Jack was kneeling on that bed, relieved he wasn’t trying to contemplate having sex at a one-twenty degree angle. He’d been kneeling there for five minutes, waiting to get his husband’s attention, and usually it didn’t take that long, especially if he was naked, so it was obvious John was unusually distracted.

‘Beloved,’ he said eventually, and John looked up. ‘I was wondering if you wanted to play with these one last time before the right one’s off limits for a while?’

‘God, yes. Sorry.’ John dropped the pad to the desk and climbed onto the bed, still fully clothed, sitting up against the headboard and pulling Jack into his lap so that his mouth was just at the right height. Starting with the right nipple, John settled his lips over it, sucking at it, increasing the pressure slowly. Jack’s hands held his head against him, moaning softly until John bit, gently but firmly, immediately soothing the bite with saliva, moving to the left. 

‘I once went with a guy… who had a line of small bar bell piercings… in the underside of his dick, I think they call it a… Jacob’s Ladder.’ He watched John’s eyes as he spoke. ‘I felt each one snag on my hole as he went in, which was disconcerting, but when he was moving inside me, it was incredible.’

‘Not sure I could do that for you,’ John murmured, pinching his right nipple between his thumb and forefinger, rolling it between them.

‘I wouldn’t… that’s absolutely not why I told you. Just the idea of anyone coming near my dick with a needle makes me want to run for the hills.’ He stroked a sure hand between John’s legs, feeling the heat of him through his trousers. ‘If anyone comes near this, they’ll answer to me.’

‘Not before I’ve kneed them in the balls.’ 

Jack laughed and unzipped John’s fly. ‘I want to ride you,’ he said, ‘Want you inside me.’

‘Lube and… something you might like are in the bag.’ Jack got up, went to fetch the items while John got hurriedly naked.

‘This?’ It was a black box; Jack recognised the packaging from their favourite online place. John nodded, so he took it back over to the bed with the lube.

John took the box, opening it, dropping the contents into his hand unseen while Jack climbed back into his lap, legs folded beneath him, trapping John’s cock under his ass, feeling its thickness sliding along his cleft. A wet tongue lapped over his nipple, right then left, and he felt a hard pinch to his left one, looking down to see a small black ring fastened to it, tiny teeth around the inside of it. As he watched, John turned the outer ring just a fraction and the inner ring tightened. Jack yelped in surprise, a sound ripped from his throat as the exquisite bite made the bud redden and harden, the clamp pulling it a little way out from his body. John suckled at it, licked It, moved his attention back to the right one and the pain flared for a moment at the bite of the second ring. 

‘Dear God, John….’

‘Shift forward.’ Jack did as he was instructed, John’s wrists brushing his ass as he reached behind him. It was too long before he felt a finger sliding over his asshole, pushing just inside him. He didn’t want to wait, wanted more, but he knew he could beg and plead and John still wouldn’t just fuck him without the right amount of prep, and he knew John was all too aware of how much that was. 

Still, it was worth a try. ‘Please, John….’

‘Impatient tonight.’ He was rewarded by John taking a swipe at his aching, clamped nipples with his tongue. Jack pressed his chest forward, hands in John’s hair, desperate for more. He got a second finger inside him, alongside the first, felt them stretching him while he tried to fuck himself on them.

‘Please….’

‘Jesus! Lift up.’

Jack rose up onto his knees, and finally felt the slick head of John’s cock against his hole. John’s big hands cupped his ass, separating his cheeks, exposing and opening him as he eased himself slowly down the thick shaft. The catch on his rim, the drag up his passage, the sparking of his nerves was all so delicious. He sighed, happily, closing his eyes, head falling back, panting through his open mouth, sounds dragged from his throat. John’s hands rested loosely on his hips, letting him lead. Only when he had every inch of his husband’s cock inside him did he open his eyes and catch his breath at the look of wonder and awe in the blue gaze staring back at him. He surged forward into a kiss, got his tongue into John’s mouth, reaching for his throat, heard John hum and felt the vibration of his lips. Pulling back, he rested them forehead to forehead, sliding forward just enough to trap his dick between them; small movements of his hips back and forth, rising and falling, changing the angle and the sensation for both of them.

Sounds mingling, breathing the same air, they made love slowly, pushing each other towards completion but not chasing it, not rushing it. John came first, eventually, deep inside Jack’s body, and the knowledge of it, the feel of that hot pulse of semen into him, triggered his own climax, slick between their bellies, John’s lips on his nipples, fingers restless on his balls.

After a quick shower, separately because White Stars were only equipped with sonics and small ones at that, they crawled into bed together, Jack getting them as close as possible, John wrapped around him, head on his chest. This was some sort of heaven that he’d found; in space, no one shooting at them, his beloved husband safe and happy in his arms. 

‘Out of interest,’ John started, drawing Jack’s attention from the circles he was making on his skin, around his nipples, over his chest. ‘When you booked our honeymoon, did you by any chance do any research on Alura-Prime?’

‘What sort of research? I looked at pictures, enough to know it looked like a private paradise.’ He lifted his head. ‘Did I miss something?’

‘Marcus informed me, this afternoon, that it’s where Minbari couples go to complete some of the mating rituals.’

‘We knew that….’

‘There’s a reason that’s where they go. Remember you kept saying there was something in the air…?’ Jack looked blank. ‘There was. The blossom there is grown specifically for its… aphrodisiac properties.’ 

Realisation dawned. ‘So there was something in the air!’ He laughed, before he thought it through. ‘We were drugged.’

‘’Slightly. I called Stephen, he says there was nothing in our blood at our physicals the week after we got back. He thought it probably had a very light effect on us.’

‘We did seem to both have improved refractory times.’

‘I’m not sure I noticed, given you’re a horny bastard and I’ve always had an inkling that one side effect of Lorien’s energy is a fast recovery.’

‘If I ever meet that guy, I am going to plant a great big one on him as a thank you.’

‘I would actually let you, just to see the look on his face.’

‘So…’ Jack let his fingertips trace a line from the back of John’s neck to the top of his cleft. ‘When are we going back?’

*

MARS CENTRAL

The piercing parlour was clean and licensed. They stepped inside, hearing the buzz of a tattoo needle coming from somewhere in the back. As they closed the door, a man with a ring through his nose, two through his lips and a whole raft in his ears stepped through the curtain and greeted them. If he recognised John, he didn’t mention it.

‘How can I help you this evening, Gentlemen?’

‘It’s been a long time coming,’ Jack told him, ‘I’d like a nipple piercing.’ 

He smiled warmly at them. ‘Just that?’

‘Yep. I told my husband here that last time I was taken to get one by the guys in my platoon, I ended up getting a hand job instead, and he’s here to make sure I get what I came in for. That’s not a slur on your part, but on mine.’

The guy laughed, cocked his head, and nodded like he’d seen and heard it all. ‘Fair enough. Come on through.’

Jack took his coat and jumper off and sat in the chair, watching as the guy disinfected the needle. ‘Bar or ring?’ He asked.

‘Bar.’

‘No problem.’ 

John settled in a chair close by. 

‘Right or left?’

‘Right.’

He pulled up his stool on Jack’s right and pulled in a pair of latex gloves, taking a swab and cleaning Jack’s right nipple throughly with alcohol. Jack took a deep breath, looking over at John. It was almost clinical, but not quite, and he could feel John’s eyes on him, while another man touched him. He felt suddenly hot. 

‘Ready?’ Jack said he was, and the needle sliding through his nipple wiped away any notion of arousal, he gritted his teeth and gripped the arms of the chair for the mere second or two it took to get the bar fastened in place. ‘All done.’

Antiseptic was applied, and a large piece of gauze taped in place over it.

‘Keep it clean. It’ll be sore for a week or so, but it’ll take several months to properly heal. No playing until it’s completely healed.’ He paused. ‘Sure I can’t do your dick while I’m here?’

He could almost feel John bristling over the space between them, but the way the guy was asking, it was the artistry he was interested in, rather than Jack.

‘One step too far, I think.’ He could feel his nipple throbbing, a sensation which wasn’t entirely unpleasant, but not one he really wanted to feel in his cock, plus the idea of not playing with that for a couple of months was impossible to contemplate.

‘Fair enough.’ The guy sat back and looked at John. ‘Mr President? Are you sure I can’t interest you?’

It had been almost too much to hope he wouldn’t be recognised. ‘I don’t have the balls,’ he replied with a smile, and the guy looked at him.

‘I beg to differ. Don’t worry. My customers rely on my discretion.’

He took payment and they left the parlour hand in hand.

‘Mr President?’

The female voice took them so by surprise that they turned, and the blade slipped between John’s sixth and seventh ribs on the left hand side.

*

WHITE STAR 2

Waking to the familiar smell of a medical facility was such a familiar thing that he actually groaned. His brain gave him a few seconds’ grace between replaying the last moments of what he remembered, and frankly, that was embarrassing. Then one word, one name, slipped passed his lips and his eyes snapped open, heart rate sky-rocketing.

‘Hey, it’s okay.’ 

That beloved face came into view, calloused hand holding his, the oh-so familiar voice. Thank Christ.

‘Jack….’

‘It’s okay, you’re okay. Scared the shit out of me. Again.’ He tried to lift his head, but his muscles didn’t want to cooperate. ‘We’re on White Star 2.’ 

That didn’t make sense. ‘Why?’

‘Michael wanted you off Mars. We’re not sure about the motive for the attack, but he did not want you transferred to MarsDome’s Medical Centre. I think he hates that rock more than you do. The emergency team was in touch with Stephen and he agreed it was the best course of action. Did you know this ship is the only White Star with a fully equipped medical bay?

‘No….’

‘Because it’s your ship. Says a lot, doesn’t it?’ He was confused, and that must have shown on his face. Jack rubbed his eyes; he looked exhausted, strung out. ‘The attacker missed your heart, caught the inferior margin of your left lung. There was some internal bleeding but not much, you have more stitches, and another scar in the making, but a very small one, probably won’t even notice it amongst the others….’ John recognised the latent terror, the aftermath of an adrenaline high. ‘She was either terrible assassin or she wasn’t trying to kill you, which meant she might have had a reason to put you in the med centre. Either way, it was agreed you were better off here. Safer. Stephen’s rendezvousing with us tomorrow but the Minbari doctors seem to have done a good job stitching you back together. Are you in any pain?’

‘No.’

‘You’re still on the morphine they sent you off with on Mars. There’s a warning in your file not to give you the Minbari drugs thankfully.’

John gazed at him. ‘Are you okay? You seem a bit… manic.’

‘Over-caffeinated. Possibly suffering withdrawal from adrenaline.’

‘You need to get some sleep.’

Jack breathed out and his shoulders dropped. ‘I know. I just… can’t just yet. I killed her. The attacker. I made a grab for the knife, there was a struggle and it turned out I was stronger than her. The guy from the piercing place came out, called for help, called everyone I think. Your security team turned up with Mars Central law enforcement. Michael’s absolutely furious with us for going out without protection.’

John smiled. ‘We never use protection.’ And it at least made Jack laugh. 

‘I’m serious. I had to tell him why we went alone. The piercing guy really was the soul of discretion, he just said he’d heard a noise outside and went to investigate, but Michael wasn’t buying it.’ He hesitated. ‘I say tell him, I actually couldn’t get a word in edgeways, so I showed him. And it did stop him mid-rant.’

‘You showed him?’

‘Opened my shirt and flashed my tit at him. Of course, it’s still got a dressing over it, but he got the point. What?’ John shook his head, surprised by the strength of feeling. 

‘Nothing. Sorry. Meds.’

Jack leaned over and kissed him, a lingering touch of his lips to John’s mouth. ‘A thousand people have seen me without a shirt over the years.’

He had to drag the words out of his throat. ‘It’s Michael.’

Sitting back slightly, Jack smiled. ‘How about we talk about this once we’re home, and naked, and you can get all proprietary in as many physical and filthy ways as you want. I’m fairly sure you should be resting now.’

John nodded. ‘You’re not in trouble, are you, for killing her…?

‘God, no. You’re joking? I thought someone was going to give me a medal. It was fairly obvious what had happened. I had more of your blood on me than hers when everyone showed up, trying to keep you from bleeding out.’

‘Thank you. Again.’

‘We are never again setting foot on that God awful planet. It’s not a good place for you.’

‘No flashbacks at least.’

‘Not sure you had the time.’

Shifting to get blood back into his ass, John felt his injury pull slightly and pushed the blanket down, lifting his top to look at what they’d done. It was dressed with a snowy white gauze square, not large, hiding his wound from view.

‘It’s clean,’ Jack reassured him. ‘You’re okay. The Minbari have some very cool stuff, by the way, you should get Stephen to steal a few ideas.’

‘Such as?’

‘Your catheter.’ 

John tensed but when he thought about it, he couldn’t feel the usual invasive nudge of the tube in his bladder that he’d felt in the past. He lifted the blanket again, winced when he saw his penis exposed through the hole in his pants, but rather than the usual set up, there was a sleeve covering two thirds of it, narrowing to a tube which snaked away off the side of the bed.

‘What is it?’

‘It lets your body just pee naturally, apparently, just syphons it away using suction. And if you want it gone, you can just peel it off.’ 

Gingerly he reached down to touch it. It felt like soft rubber, fitting around him like a condom. Experimentally, he lifted the edge of it and it came away without any resistance. A part of him wanted it off, but he left it for the time being.

‘Small mercies,’ he murmured, returning his attention to Jack. ‘Get some sleep. Please. Get them to give you a sedative or something.’

But he was adamant. ‘Not until Stephen gets here.’

Ordering Jack to get his ass into one of the two other beds in the medical bay and to let his brain shutdown for a few hours was the first thing Stephen did when he got aboard. By then he was so tired that the sedative wasn’t needed; Stephen’s presence alone seemed to put him at ease enough that he could trust John was in safe hands. 

The doctor checked John’s wound and was happy with how it looked; red, raw but not infected in any way. He checked the results of a blood workup for toxins, but that seemed fine too.

‘How are you feeling?’

‘Sore. Embarrassed. But otherwise fine.’

‘Embarrassed?’

‘I turned around because someone said my title and got a knife in me. I’m a trained soldier.’

‘You were taken by surprise. It could happen to anyone.’

‘Yeah, maybe.’ He sighed. ‘I told them I didn’t need any more pain meds, but it is hurting.’

Stephen gave him a shot, just enough to take the edge off. ‘What were you doing out there?’

John felt the effects of the morphine almost instantly. ‘Michael didn’t tell you?’

‘He said to ask you. Actually, he said to ask Jack.’

‘We’d just left the piercing parlour.’

Stephen’s eyes widened and he grinned. ‘Really? Which one of you…?’

‘If it had been me, you would have spotted it by now.’

‘Depends where you had it done.’

‘It really doesn’t. It wasn’t anyway, it was him.’

He watched Stephen glance over at the sleeping man. ‘Figures. I’m slightly surprised he didn’t already have any. Apart from his ear, but I’ve never seen him wear anything in it.’

‘He never does. I think he’s been thinking about it on and off since he left EarthForce. Right place, right time.’

‘Or wrong place, wrong time. Can’t let you go anywhere.’ 

‘We went on holiday without anything untoward happening.’

‘Luckily, given what you told me on our call a couple of days ago.’

‘The sex pollen? We were fine. We barely noticed.’

‘And that says something about you two.’ 

John smiled, a little smug. ‘It was our honeymoon.’

‘Um. Well, if you’ll take some advice? Don’t try to complete all fifty rituals, you’ll go blind.’

He laughed. ‘What do you know about them?’

Stephen perched on the side of John’s bed. ‘I looked them up, after your call. I knew about them but not in detail. What got you two so interested?’

‘I don’t know exactly. Jack’s been fascinated since we arrived on Minbar. Something Delenn said to him I think, but I don’t know what.’

‘No offence, but you’re probably not performing them in the spirit they’re meant to be performed. Or the right order.’

‘No offence taken, and you’re probably right. Too many… overseers for our liking.’

‘That’s because as far as the Minbari are concerned, these are spiritual activities, not sexual ones.’

John shook his head. ‘Some of them, I’ll grant you, but not all of them. The one we tried, it was explicitly sexual. We both had to be hard to even start. And there was another one we read about which involves penetration with a double headed… dildo, for want of a better word.’

Stephen nodded and smiled to himself. ‘Jeff used to have one of those.’

‘I know.’ His eyes got wider. ‘I am absolutely not telling you how I know. How do you know?’

‘I never break a confidence. I will grant you, a couple of the rituals are blatantly sexual, but they’re the amongst the last ones to be performed. You’re supposed to do them in order, not pick and choose.’

‘We’re not Minbari.’

‘No, you’re not. What I am interested in is whether the… sex pollen, as you put it, had more or less of an effect. Those species of plant are specifically grown there because the last few rituals are quite… intimate, and do - or should - involve the participation of a third person. Minbari aren’t as private as humans, but even so, some of them use the pollen the way we use marajuana or alcohol, to lower inhibitions. I suspect that’s why you two didn’t realise what was happening; I doubt you have any inhibitions with each other.’

’We did make it very clear we didn’t want any third party participation.’

‘You don’t say.’ He smiled at John’s expression. ‘You two are so completely entwined, so completely focused on one another. I’ve never quite known anything like it. When I remember those first days on B5 after we got you back, when I think about how protective Jack was and how easy he made it look, knowing what you needed, what to do and what to say. The rest of us felt like we were walking on eggshells and he just strolled on in, not putting a foot wrong. I didn’t know that I was seeing the start of… this.’

‘Neither did we. I was worried at the start; worried I was too dependent on him, that I was abusing our friendship, or destroying it, but he didn’t leave, didn’t run, even when most people would have gone screaming for the hills. I’m glad he didn’t. Before he left for Earth he told me he loved me. Still, I wasn’t sure, I didn’t know how he loved me, if he meant it. Michael and I had a horrible go at… well, you know. I regret that. I know Jack doesn’t care but I do regret it. I think… I wasn’t sure Jack would come back to me until he did. I know, I should have known, that he would. When I saw that message from him saying he would be arriving back at B5 and he hoped we’d found him somewhere to live…. I knew that was it, knew - at the risk of sounding like a Minbari - that he was the one. And I was so… so happy.’ He smiled. ‘Of course it helped that he was the first person my dick responded to after Mars.’

Stephen almost asked him to repeat that, then he laughed. ‘Didn’t I tell you he would be?’

John nodded. ‘In a round about way.’ 

A knock on the glass window of the door made them both look up, and John waved Michael inside. 

‘Just how many lives do you think you’ve got?’ was his opening gambit. 

‘I’m sorry I got stabbed,’ John countered, ‘but I’m not sorry for wanting some privacy.’

‘You’re the goddamned president of the ISA, John! On top of all the other enemies you’ve made over the last few years.’ He wasn’t angry as such, that was gone, taken out mostly on the team assigned to John during his Mars visit, and on Jack to a point, although by then it had been the dregs. He sounded resigned and slightly desperate. ‘I’m supposed to protect you. I can’t do that if you ditch your protection detail and go walkabout in just about the least salubrious area of MarsDome.’

‘It is not. It was just a piercing parlour!’

‘We could have brought someone in, had you asked.’

‘That’s not what we wanted. We wanted the full experience.’

‘Well, you got that. Look, I didn’t come here to have a go at you. You’re right, you’re entitled to some privacy but you did take one of the most - if not the most - high profile jobs in the galaxy, You need to expect to make some sacrifices….’ Stephen glanced at him. ‘Sorry. I know. You’ve made enough.’ He sighed. ‘Okay. We know the identify of the woman who attacked you. Her name is Maria Andersen. She’s the sister of Jonah Andersen.’ John looked blank but Stephen thought the name sounded vaguely familiar. ‘He was the guy who sent-‘ He stopped talking. ‘Shit. You don’t know.’

‘I don’t know what?’

‘Look, Jack asked us not to mention it to you unless we had to. But when we were still on B5, one of Clarke’s admin guys sent an email to some high ranking EarthGov personnel including General Ryan, who sent it on to Jack, who asked me to help with the small problem it presented.’

‘Is that the guy Liz was complaining you two were holding without charge?’

‘We weren’t holding him, per se. We had a chat, or rather he and Jack had a chat, and then he left the station, of his own accord, and in one piece, not a scratch on him.’

John nodded. ‘Jack asked me if I wanted to know and I told him I trusted him.’

‘Which you were right to do, obviously. Andersen didn’t mean you any harm, he just needed a little persuasion to do the right thing. Unfortunately, his body was discovered on a passenger ship travelling between Earth and Mars a couple of weeks after he left B5. He’d boarded, but it seems someone got to him on the journey. Now, whether Maria blamed you for that, or if she had a different motive, I don’t know. She might have been trying to forward her brother’s cause but I’m not sure how attacking you would do that.’

‘What was her brother’s cause?’

Michael hesitated. ‘He was trying to get EarthGov to admit to torturing political prisoners.’

‘Right. He wanted to speak to me about my detainment?’

‘Something like that.’

‘Maybe his sister thought I’d arranged his murder to silence him.’

Michael didn’t look convinced. ‘Jack did a good job of getting him to see it from your point of view.’ John’s eyes strayed to the man fast asleep on the bed furthest from them, flat on his back, snoring softly. 

‘Maybe he didn’t have the chance to tell her that.’

‘You don’t think she was aiming for Jack?’ Stephen asked, and John shook his head.

‘She said, ‘Mr President’, and we both turned around. If she’d been after Jack, he was right there. It’s not like we look anything like one another.’ 

‘I’ve left a team on Mars, they’re going to investigate, find out everything about Maria Andersen: when she got to Mars, who she interacted with, who she contacted. I want to know if she was working alone or as part of a group. If she was alone, then okay, but if there’s more of them out there, we need to find out what their endgame is.’

‘Keep me posted.’ Michael nodded. ‘Next time… I’ll give you a heads up.’

‘It’s just when we’re off-world.’ John nodded. ‘I know you hate living in the spotlight, despite how much you seem to put yourself in that position.’

Again, he gazed across at his sleeping husband. ‘When all this started, when General Hague asked me to take the job aboard B5, it was just me. Anna was gone. If I’m being honest, I didn’t really care if it eventually killed me. It escalated faster than I expected and I couldn’t stop it, the shadow war, the rebellion… still, it was just me. It isn’t now. It’s not just my life I’m putting at risk. So if there’s a threat out there, I want to know about it.’ Michael nodded his understanding. ‘I promised Jack I was done with Mars.’

‘Good. Because every time I set foot on that planet I end up regretting it.’

‘Me too.’

*

TUZANOR, MINBAR

Security meant that there wasn’t just a doorbell. The computer told Jack how many people were waiting outside and who they were.

‘One male: Dr Stephen Franklin.’

He dropped the pad to the sofa and said, ‘Ops: open front door. Hey, Stephen.’

‘I just came to check on him.’

‘Him’ was asleep, flat out across one side of the sofa, head pillowed on Jack’s thigh, face turned towards the back cushion, Jack’s left hand grasped between his two and held under his chin. He’d managed to get a blanket over him, roughly.

‘The only sleep he got on the way back was when he was sedated.’

Stephen moved around to sit on the far end of the sofa, next to Jack’s feet. ‘Did he seem to be in any pain?’

‘Bit sore. Relieved to be home.’

‘I can imagine. Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine, as always.’

‘Want me to take a look at your chest?’

Jack smiled and shook his head. ‘It feels fine, but thanks for the offer. I showed it to Michael on Mars, just to stop him shouting, and John didn’t seem to like the idea that I had.’

‘Well, it’s Michael isn’t it. He trusts him with his life, and yours, but not with….’ He trailed off. 

‘Not with my body, or his?’

‘I don’t know what I’m trying to say.’

‘I get it, I think.’ He dropped his head to the back of the sofa and gazed down at John. His arm was mostly asleep from the wrist down but he could feel the warm breath on his fingers. ‘More than anything else, I wish I’d stopped him from going to Mars back then, wish I’d been able to find the right words, the right argument.’

‘You couldn’t have done. He thought they had his father. Maybe if you two had been then what you are now… maybe you could have talked him out of it, but you weren’t. Believe me, I’ve tried to talk him out of countless crazy ideas over the years and it’s never worked. Once he’s made a decision about something, once he’s decided on a course of action, there wasn’t anyone who could change his mind.’

He knew Stephen was right, but it didn’t mean he would stop wishing he’d done more. ‘It scares me that this attack is going to snowball into something that brings it all back. Not that it’s gone away, but he’s healing.’

‘He’s got a strong support system now. If it does escalate, we can be there, try to protect him from the worst of it and make sure he doesn’t come apart because of it.’

Jack looked at him. ‘You think we did the wrong thing, don’t you? You think we should have let Andersen speak to him.’

‘I think… Jonah Andersen had a cause he was fighting for, and John would have been a high profile addition to his case. But I understand why you didn’t want him to be involved, especially why you didn’t want him to see the image of himself or to even know about it. At the time, I don’t think he was strong enough, and there was still a lot buried that he needed to remember in his own time. But now….’

‘He still has nightmares. So do I. I swear, Stephen, if the universe tries to take any more from him, or hurt him again, I think I have enough influence now to get him to step away.’

‘I think you do. So just… be careful. There used to be a part of him that craved the risk and the danger, and whether or not that’s still in there, I don’t know. You can back him away from it to a point, but don’t go too far. He’s bad enough when he’s engaged, distracted. If he gets restless, that’s when things get hairy.’ As much as he hated to admit it, he knew Stephen was right. ‘I’ll leave you two alone. You need anything, just yell.’

‘Will do. Thanks, Stephen.’

‘As always, you’re welcome.’

*

By the time John woke, it was dark outside the open expanse of their balcony, amber light was being provided by the lamps in the floor, the air was warm and he was still using Jack’s leg as a pillow. He’d never been so happy to be somewhere in his life.

‘Hey,’ he murmured, and immediately had Jack’s attention. 

‘Hey, welcome back.’

‘Sorry.’

Fingers brushed over his hair. ‘Don’t be. You obviously needed the sleep. How are you feeling?’

‘Better. Clearer. Very happy to be home.’

‘Me too. Honestly. It was nice to be back in space on the way out, but I fucking hate Mars, and the accommodation on the return journey sucked.’ John tipped his head back, gave him an upside down smile. Jack put down the pad and leaned down to kiss him. ‘I ordered takeout from the Italian place.’ The mention of food made him realise how hungry he was. ‘Any chance I could have my hand back?’

‘Sorry!’ John released it, and watched Jack wriggle his fingers and rotate his wrist, trying to get blood back into it. ‘Why didn’t you just take it back before you lost all feeling in it?’

He shrugged. ‘You seemed to need it more than I did.’

They polished off the pasta dishes and breads Jack had ordered. And afterwards John settled back with his head in Jack’s lap, Jack’s fingers in his hair, certain this was heaven.

‘Should I have told you,’ Jack murmured, ‘about Jonah Andersen?’

‘You asked me if I wanted to know, I said I trusted you.’

‘Still… had I known it would come back to bite you on the ass….’

‘There’s no way you could have known. This stuff happens.’

‘I feel like I sent the guy to his death and that wasn’t what I‘d intended.’

‘You didn’t kill him. You didn’t know he was in danger.’

‘The only threats to him were EarthGov and me. And without you, without someone, he was just a voice, just a lonely guy with a cause.’

‘Why?’

‘Why what?’

‘Why that cause? Did he know someone who’d been detained, killed?’ He knew just by the expression on Jack’s face that he didn’t know.

‘I only saw the damage he was going to do to you.’

John reached up, stroked Jack’s beard. ‘It’s okay. I get it. You’re not responsible for what happened to him after you released him. You stopped him from involving me, that’s all.’

‘I don’t think EarthGov would have bothered with him. All they had to do was lay the blame for your treatment at Clarke’s feet. Plausible deniability, even if it’s not true.’

‘If there was someone else he was pissing off, Michael’ll find out.’ He turned his head, and finding himself face to face with Jack’s groin, he nuzzled at the lovely bulge there, smiling at Jack’s answering moan. 

‘You are supposed to be resting,’ he told John, stroking strands of hair back from his face. 

‘I am resting, I’m lying down.’ He pressed his lips to the now visible erection starting to push at the confines of Jack’s trousers. The zip was right there, and he caught it between his teeth, dragging it down, humming in satisfaction when his husband’s gorgeous cock sprang free through the gap in his underwear and bounced against his nose. He loved the way he smelt, loved the way he tasted; licked a wet line along the underneath of it, and when he reached the top, he took it between his lips and settled down again with it in his mouth, sucking happily. He could hear Jack groaning, still stroking his fingers through his hair. 

‘John….’ 

Sliding his tongue over the slit, he tasted salt, licked up the fluid already leaking from it, not trying to bring him off. Jack’s other hand stroked down his side to the base of his jumper and slipped underneath, finding warm skin and settling, not teasing or caressing, just lying on his belly, hot as a brand. 

Minutes passed, with John simply sucking on Jack’s cock, lapping at his glans, teasing at the slit now and again with the tip of his tongue. Jack’s hand stayed on his stomach, but one finger started to circle his navel, staying just on the edge. Wether he meant it to be or not, the touch was incredibly erotic, and he winced as the first involuntary jerk of his body pulled at his stitches. Jack stopped immediately, apologising, hand stilling. John didn’t stop. He added more suction, and pressed his face closer to Jack’s groin, sliding more of him into his mouth, the tip almost to the back of his tongue. 

The fingers in his hair moved to his neck, ghosted over his throat, his chin, his taut lips. He knew Jack was close, could feel the tiny shivers, hear the moans, sense the effort he was making to hold back, not to bury himself in John’s throat. Hollowing his cheeks, sucking as he drew back, he pushed forward again, pulses of semen filling his mouth. He swallowed, kept swallowing while Jack came, holding him there as he softened.

His own arousal was warm, without any of its usual urgency, probably down to the pain meds, and having tucked Jack carefully away, he was happy to close his eyes and just soak in the warmth of the hand still resting on his skin, under his jumper. He fell asleep with the taste of Jack in his mouth and fingers still combing gently through his hair. 

*

‘It seems like it’s a movement of some kind,’ Michael reported, and Jack’s heart sank, a knot of something heavy settling in his stomach, ‘running out of Mars and Earth Central. We’ve got a few names, but the attack on you seems to actually be the first act of violence attributed to any of their members, and they’ve publicly renounced Maria Andersen’s actions.’

They were sitting around the table in John’s office; he and John, Susan, Michael and Stephen. A closed meeting to keep this as confidential as they could for the time being at least. He knew it was going to draw more questions, questions he didn’t want to answer, but he had to ask, ‘The email Jonah sent to General Ryan… has there been any… publication of its contents?’

Michael shook his head. ‘No. Their campaign seems to be based around other victims, other ex-prisoners they’ve tracked down. They have statements, accounts given to them, but nothing to substantiate their claims, so EarthGov is - like we said they would - laying everything at Clarke’s feet, denying it’s still happening.’

‘Maybe it isn’t still happening,’ John suggested.

‘Nothing to say it is,’ Michael agreed. ‘All of the people they’d got testimony from were tortured on Clarke’s orders. But there could be generals still active in EarthForce who are of that mindset, people in positions of power, abusing that power.’

‘Torture is a fact of war,’ John murmured, ‘always will be. You’ll always get sadists who take pleasure in seeing others suffering. They just need an excuse. The men who interrogated me did it because it was their job, the things they did were horrible but they didn’t seem to derive any pleasure from it. It was the men who got physical with me who enjoyed it, got off on it.’ Jack put a hand on John’s back, an anchor. ‘Why didn’t you want me to talk to Jonah Andersen, when he went to B5?’ It was directed at Michael, but it was Jack who answered.

‘We didn’t want you reliving it. Didn’t want you feeling like you had to open up to anyone else after you’d already been laid so bare.’

John looked at him, and Jack knew he wouldn’t be able to hide the truth for much longer. ‘There’s something you’re not telling me.’

‘You know there is. I told you there was.’

‘I think I need to know what.’

Jack hesitated but nodded. ‘Before I tell you, I need you know that every copy of the email we’re talking about was deleted, and the original was destroyed.’

‘Original what?’

‘It was a photograph. Of you. Taken early on after your detainment.’ He watched John close his eyes, and nod. 

‘I remember. There was a man, in a suit, very official, just doing his job. I was being taken from the wet room to the holding cell and he was there, suddenly, in our path. He held up something, I couldn’t see what, and he was gone a second later. I didn’t know… I assumed he was just checking they hadn’t killed me.’

Michael and Stephen stayed quiet, letting Jack handle this. ‘The guy who came to B5 was the guy who was tasked with getting the file back to Earth. He wasn’t the one who took the photo.’ He pressed his hand gently against John’s back. ‘Okay?’

‘Yeah. Thanks for telling me.’

‘None of this explains the attack,’ Susan pointed out.

’Still working on that,’ Michael admitted. ‘It might not have been connected to Jonah Andersen’s cause, although if it wasn’t it’s some coincidence.’

‘That’s too much of a coincidence,’ John agreed. 

‘Security’s been stepped up at arrivals here,’ Michael confirmed, ‘just in case, although there’s no evidence of the group having any influence way out here. Still, if you could both refrain from giving your security details the slip, we’d all be very grateful.’

*

Jack stared at the open box on the coffee table. For the life of him, he couldn’t recall buying what the box contained. He didn’t hear John come out of the kitchen and actually jumped when that honeyed voice purred into his ear, ‘I checked out your basket, on that site we were looking at.’ Then it all came flooding back; the champagne dropping any remaining inhibitions he might have been able to hang on to around John, talking about plugs and looking at the vast array of things designed to be inserted into the body for the purposes of sexual gratification, or in some cases, sexual torment. The double headed metal plug and the small anal spreader had already been in the basket on the shopping site, as had the big dildo, but they’d added a couple of additional things; the small, ribbed urethra plug, a slim vibrator no bigger than a finger, and the curved metal dildo neither of them were even sure would be a goer.

‘I assumed you’d added the dildo because you’d liked the look of it. I’m not sure what size you’re used to, you never actually described it.’

The large black dildo looked better in reality than it had done on the site, and his groin ached just looking at it. He stroked his fingers over it where it lay. It was made of the same soft substance his plug was coated in, with the same slight give in it; around twelve inches of insertable length, the rounded head around an inch in diameter, flaring to double that at the base. His cock definitely liked the look of it, although he still wasn’t sure it was a good idea, not after the other night.

‘You know, I don’t need this….’ He glanced at John and didn’t say anything more. There was need burning in those startling blue eyes, although he wasn’t certain for what until John told him,

‘I want to watch you using it. I’ll follow your lead, if I can, maybe suck you off while you’re doing it, maybe I’ll be able to take over from you. I figured if you look like you’re enjoying it, it should be something I can do for you.’

‘The last thing I want to do is inspire any more nightmares.’

‘I need to face this, deal with what happened so it’s not sneaking around in my subconscious.’

Jack nodded slowly. ‘Okay. But either one of us gets to call a stop to it.’

‘Agreed.’

‘For now, I’m starving. Let’s get some food.’

*

‘Tell me what you want to see.’

They’d spent an hour kissing, touching, undressing. Jack’s piercing was still healing, still slightly red and sore, but John was lavishing attention on the left one, making up for it, making the right one throb in sympathy. Knowing what they were building to, Jack was as anxious as he was aroused. It felt like some sort of final hurdle, but it wasn’t. It was just a dildo. Still, John was hesitant. 

‘You’ve been thinking about this since I told you about my proclivities aboard the Cortez. You’ve been imagining me, my hands on myself, my fingers in my own body, preparing myself.’ Kneeling up, reaching for the black toy lying on the bed, he stroked one hand down it in a long, very suggestive move. ‘Wondering what it would look like, me pushing one of these into my ass, stretching myself wide open, forcing it deep, fucking myself with it.’ He watched the want, the naked hunger playing over John’s face, the need in his eyes. ‘Do you want to see it all? Do you want to see me… sucking on it?’

‘That’s not….’

He’d already washed it, already had an experimental lick and it didn’t taste of anything much, certainly wasn’t unpleasant. He put the thick head of it against his lips and slowly opened his mouth to accommodate it, eyes settling on John’s face, watching as he watched, enraptured. He didn’t take it very far in, pulled it out half an inch then took it just a little further. John reached out, stroked his hair above his ear, trailing his fingertips down over his cheek to his lips. His breath faltered, and Jack closed his eyes, lost himself in the stretch of his lips around the fake cock he was fellating. 

He became aware of John’s hands on him, fingers playing with his left nipple, moving down over his body, dipping into his navel, following the V down to the hair there, moving to his thigh, fingers caressing his balls, straying behind them. He shifted his knees apart and his breath hitched at the sensation of a slick finger pressing at his sphincter, sliding in slowly, to the first knuckle, then the next, withdrawing and returning. He lowered the dildo as a second finger joined the first, and John surged up to kiss him, tongue licking his lips before pushing into his mouth, wanting to be where the dildo had been. Jack couldn’t help thinking about how he would want to be inside him when the toy had been there too, and his dick gave a pulse of arousal, bumping up against his stomach.

A third finger invaded his ass, and the stretch was magnificent. John fucked into him slowly but thoroughly, pushing as deep as he could go, angling them so he hit Jack’s prostate with each stroke inside him. With his other hand, he picked up the lube and squeezed a large amount on to the head of the dildo, watching Jack spread it around. Its girth at the top was smaller than the base of John’s three fingers, but it was long and got thicker with every inch. Jack’s dick was aching with the thought of getting it inside him, and he told John he was ready. He rose up on his knees, and with those gorgeous long digits still inside him, he gingerly moved his legs out from under him, lying back, legs bent, feet flat on the mattress, hips tilted up. 

He watched John watch his own fingers fucking in and out of him, before he withdrew and shifted away, not too far, but enough that Jack could let one knee fall to the side, exposing himself further, taking the dildo and lining the thick head of it up with his hole before pushing, unrelenting, until it breached him. He gasped, stopping with it just inside, waiting for his body to relax again, for his muscles to get used to the stretch. He’d done this hundreds of time before, on the Cortez, in the privacy of his own quarters, but John’s eyes on him was a new element to it and made it so incredibly intimate, so much more intense. He could imagine the obscene view John was being treated to, but he could still see the uncertainty in those blue eyes, so he took a deep breath and pushed the dildo a couple of inches into himself.

His body remembered and relaxed, taking another inch, two, and he lay back, one hand holding himself open, easing more of the toy inside him, but not taking it all. He glanced at John and had to close his eyes because the expression on his face, the way he was looking at him, his beautiful erection, was enough to spark Jack’s orgasm, and he wasn’t ready for it to be over. Tilting his hips up further, he carefully pulled the dildo out half way and pushed it back, deeper, picking up a slow but steady and familiar rhythm, one that took him back to his lonely quarters on a ship he’d loved, doing this to himself because there was no one else to do it for him….

He faltered, but at that moment he felt John move on the bed, felt lips touch the inside of his thigh and cool fingers move his hand away from the toy lodged inside him. He felt the heat of John’s breath on his balls, and moaned softly at the slippery warmth of John’s tongue soothing his aching hole. His cock was leaking and he spread his legs further apart, utterly relieved when John took a firm hold of the dildo and nudged it further inside, working his prostate, the sensitive passage, pushing it almost all the way in slowly. He knew what he was doing, slightly altering the angle, making tiny twists which snagged inside him, sending sparks along his nerves, orgasm curling in his toes and fingers. All the time, John's tongue was working him looser; rimming him around the shaft, tiny stabs passed the already strained muscles to push inside along with the large toy. Jack was losing control, body writhing on the bed, cock leaking, desperate for attention. He felt every one of the twelve inches inserted into him, the head of it so deep he could feel the pressure of it in his abdomen, the stretch all the way from his hole to his bowel, making his muscles spasm. 

He tried to speak but couldn’t find his voice, except to swear softly when John pulled the toy out several inches and pushed it back inside, eyes flicking between Jack’s hole, sucking at the toy, and his face, watching with an intensity that was more of a turn on than the monster up his ass. He gasped when John deliberately wrapped one hand around his cock and started to pump him slowly, with the same languorous speed at which he was fucking him. Each withdrawal dragged along the nerves of his rectum; each careful thrust back inside massaged his prostate. Somehow he felt more exposed than he ever had been. The savage hunger in John’s eyes was almost painful to see and maybe if he had the strength to stop it, he might have done, but he was so far beyond that; all he could do was take it, the slight pain and exquisite pleasure, lost in the sounds coming from his own throat, the wet noises made by the thick dildo plunging in and out of him, the slide of John’s hand on his cock. John bent his head, licked the pre-cum from him, curled his tongue and pushed just inside his slit.

He came with a yell, bucking up into John’s open mouth, hitting the back of his throat and unloading into the wet heat of him. His ass spasmed around the thing holding him open, the pressure almost unbearable. John pulled it out, carefully but intently, and Jack almost sobbed with relief when John knelt between his legs, lifted him and thrust his iron hard cock all the way in. Jack wrapped his legs around him, pulling him deeper, shifting so that the angle got him as far inside as he could get. John’s eyes never left his face as he fucked, not fast, not brutal, but definitely possessive, definitely reclaiming him even if it was just from the dildo he’d bought.

Jack watched the play of emotion and sensation across the face of the man he loved, knowing all of it was for him, and when he came, deep inside him, he wanted to hold him there. John seemed to want to stay, still holding Jack’s hips, still pressing himself into his body. Neither of them spoke, just watched each other, pulses settling back to normal, until John’s cock slipped out of Jack’s still widened hole. He felt John’s semen dripping out too, surprised when John shifted back on his knees and bent forward to rim him gently, tongue sliding just inside, the sensation at once soothing and stimulating. He had to be tasting himself down there, and the copious amounts of lube they’d used, but he stayed there, licking, sucking ever so gently, so Jack lost track of time, his focus solely on John’s tongue soothing his abused asshole, the warm breaths on the overly sensitive flesh just inside his body. It was perfect, so perfect, that the next thing he knew, John was lying next to him, the covers up over them both.

‘Did I just…?’

John’s smile was half amusement, half adoration. ‘Fall asleep with my tongue in your ass? More or less.’

He was mortified. ‘I am so sorry….’ But his husband was laughing. 

‘Don’t be. I’m actually flattered. I cleaned us both up, you were completely out of it.’

He got an arm around him, brought him close so he’d wrap himself around him in that way he did, head on Jack’s chest, legs tangled. 

‘Was the spectacle as good as you’d imagined?’

‘I got envious of the toy.’

‘Just envious? It didn’t… upset you to see something like that inside me?’

‘No. I thought it would. All this time, I’d been certain it would. But while I’m absolutely sure I’d panic just at the first touch of it against me, because you put it in yourself, because you were obviously not in pain, it didn’t bother me in that way. Did you… was it still as good?’

‘Yes and no. You being there definitely added a layer to it that was incredibly erotic. Just the toy itself doesn’t have the same appeal now I’ve got other options, but having you take over, having your tongue around it, alongside it.’ He felt his spent dick twitch. ‘I think maybe it was a necessity on the Cortez, but now I can have you, I want you. And the length… not sure I ever bottomed out on mine. Not sure I like that very deep pressure. I didn’t like it with the enema, where as you got off on it.’

‘It’s different. The enema puts the pressure in one place, doesn’t feel like it’s all the way from balls to bowel.’

He stroked his hand over John’s hair. ‘Thank you for experimenting with me.’

‘Happy to experiment with you.’ He could hear the exhaustion in John’s voice. ‘Just with you.’ The next sound from his mouth was a soft snore, so Jack instructed the lights to turn off and closed his eyes, the heat of his husband’s body and the soft breaths over his skin lulling him back to sleep.

*

Michael’s morning briefing finally brought with it an update on Maria Andersen’s attack, weeks ago. 

‘A doctor, working at MarsDome’s medical centre, didn’t turn up for work the day we got John off Mars in the White Star. Records have him boarding a ship bound for Earth late that same night. We’ve found evidence of messages being sent between he and Maria Andersen, although they were encrypted so we can’t read them.’

‘And we’re only just finding out about this now?’

‘MarsGov is being very cagey about the whole incident.’

‘You think he was there waiting for John to be admitted?’ Susan queried. It didn’t sound like coincidence but at the same time, to plant someone in the medical centre took time and planning, as well as advance notice of John’s visit to Mars.

‘We think, and this is just a best guess, he was in the med centre to get the evidence Jonah failed to. They couldn’t get you,’ he looked pointedly at John, ‘to give evidence of your treatment by EarthGov willingly, but if you were admitted with a stab wound, sewn up and medicated… a doctor would have access to you. Limited, admittedly, but if you were sleeping, he could… get some photographs of your scars.’

John obviously wasn’t convinced. ‘How would that help them?’

‘It depends if they can get access to your medical records too.’

‘They can’t.’ Stephen was adamant. 

‘But if he was admitted, if the Mars doctors had to treat him, wouldn’t they need to download his files to check for allergies, any previous injuries or ongoing, underlying medical problems they might need to be aware of?’

Just going by the Stephen’s expression, Susan realised Michael was right. ‘But they didn’t treat him?’

‘No. We never allowed him to be admitted. An emergency team stopped the bleeding at the scene and by the time they got him back to the medical centre, the med team from the White Star was waiting to take him back to the ship.’

‘Why?’ she asked, curious. ‘Why not admit him?’

‘Because his injury wasn’t life-threatening. I’m paranoid about him being on Mars in any situation I can’t control, where I can’t guarantee his safety, and honestly,’ he glanced at John, ‘I didn’t want you on that Godforsaken rock any longer than you needed to be and neither did Jack. He okayed moving John to the ship, as did Stephen.’

‘Okay.’ They seemed like perfectly valid reasons. She hadn’t been to Mars for so long, she didn’t have the same feelings about it that the four of them clearly did. ‘Where is Jack?’

‘He’s up on G’Kar’s ship for a meeting with a couple of Narn generals,’ John told her. ‘He’ll be back on world later.’

‘So… what do we do? Technically Maria Andersen is the only one committed a crime, and she’s dead.’

‘This was elaborate,’ Michael pointed out. ‘They want access to John, they’re not just going to give up.’

‘Maybe I should just… give them what they want.’

She’d always admired his ability to stun a room to silence. ‘What?’

‘They’re going to a lot of trouble to talk to me-‘

‘They arranged an attack. You were stabbed. You could have been killed.’

Michael added, ‘And I don’t think they weren’t planning on talking to you, John. They want something private to you. We’re not giving them that. You’re not giving them that.’

‘We can’t know what they want for sure until we ask them.’

‘John, be reasonable-‘ She did it without thinking, just put her hand down over his wrist where it was resting on the conference table. She felt him tense up immediately, lifted her hand but it was too late. ‘John?’ His eyes had lost their focus, he was staring into the distance at something only he could see, terror in his expression. ‘Shit. I’m sorry….’

Stephen got out of his seat, came around the table on John’s other side. He pressed his fingers into the pulse point in John’s throat. ‘Pulse is racing.’ He raised his voice. ‘John, come on, come back to us.’ Nothing. Just subtle tremors that started in his shoulders and ran the length of his body. ‘Get Jack on the line.’

There was a comms unit in the wall at the end of the table, a large screen they used for conferencing with those on other worlds, relays in hyperspace boosting the signals. She patched through to G’Kar’s ship, and the crew member who answered went to fetch Jack out of whatever meeting he was in. His face appeared less than a minute later.

‘Susan, what’s up?’ he sounded worried.

‘Flashback. We can’t bring him out of it.’

‘Okay. You need to get his attention and the fastest way of doing that is sharp pain. Have you got longish fingernails?’ She wiggled them in front of the camera to show him she had. ‘Good. You need to pinch the skin on the back of his hand, sharp and tight. You need to make sure he feels it, make sure it hurts.’

‘Jack….’

‘I know, but it’s the fastest way. Wherever he’s gone, they’re causing him way more pain than you will.’

She nodded, walked to where John was sitting, ramrod straight in his chair, trembling now, tears falling. ‘Come on, John….’ She lifted the skin in the centre of the back of his left hand and pinched it hard between the nails of her thumb and index finger. He jumped, yelped, pulled his hand away and when she looked up, he was staring straight at her. ‘Hi.’

Terror morphed into relief. ‘Hi.’

‘You’re okay.’

He nodded, a jerky movement.

‘Tell me where you are,’ Stephen went through the usual procedure.

‘ISA facility on Minbar.’

‘Where were you, just then?’

‘Mars. One of the cells.’

‘In the chair?’ He nodded. 

‘John?’ Susan moved, letting Jack see for himself that John was back with them. ‘Are you all right?’

‘Yeah. Yes. I’m fine.’

‘Want me to come back?’

He shook his head. ‘No. Sorry, Jack. Finish what you’re doing and I’ll see you later.’

‘Okay. Love you.’

The screen went blank. 

‘I’m sorry, John, that was my fault. I didn’t think.’ Now it was over, she felt terrible.

He gazed up at her. ‘No, it wasn’t your fault. The idea of reliving it all again… it was primed to happen, like a grenade going off.’ She watched him find Stephen. ‘I want to help those people. I don’t believe EarthGov’s stopped the detainment of political prisoners, not completely. There are always factions of a government who feel the only way to protect themselves is by silencing dissent. ‘Give me some time to think it all over.’ They all agreed to that at least.

*

Jack’s transport landed just after four and he went straight to John’s office, finding him staring at paperwork, pen in his hand, tapping it aimlessly against the desk. He closed the door behind him and leaned on it, basking in the genuine smile that lit up John’s face.

‘I know it was only this morning, but it is good to see you.’

It was good to see him too, good to see he was okay, physically at least. He’d been worried since being called out of his meeting that morning. ‘Are you all right?’

John nodded, ‘How did it go?’

‘It went well. Don’t change the subject.’

‘I’m fine.’ He dropped the pen and sat back in his chair, clearly not fine. ‘I’m… fed up of feeling this way.’

Jack moved to sit in the chair on the other side of the desk. ‘How do you feel?’

Blue eyes gazed at him and it was all he could do not to wrap John in his arms. It wasn’t what he needed right at that moment. He could feel him prickling from there. 

‘Sick. Scared. Frightened of what might be lurking in my head.’ Susan had brought Jack up to date during his short journey home, with what Michael’s team had found out about the doctor in the medical centre on Mars. ‘That group that the Andersens belonged to… I want to help. If they can stop anyone else going through what I went through….’

‘I know why you want to do it, but it’s not up to you to fight every battle. The ones you have fought have caused you so much pain, they’ve cost you an unimaginable price. Where did you go, during your flashback this morning?’

‘To the cell, the chair, light in my eyes, a piercing sound I can still hear.’ Jack saw the tears and fought every instinct he had in order to stay seated. ‘I know. You don’t have to say it.’

‘I love you. It kills me to see you put yourself through this. That’s why I didn’t tell you about Jonah Andersen when he came to B5. It’s why I didn’t tell you about the image he’d emailed to General Ryan. If you get involved you’ll end up reliving it over and over again; prying questions from the media, from journalists, maybe even lawyers and judges. They will take you back through every painful detail, question every scar, every memory. And I know it’s how we get justice for others, I know we never got justice for you. But is it worth it? Everyone who hurt you is already dead.’

‘I don’t want to do it for me.’ But he didn’t sound certain. 

‘I know that too. You never want to do this stuff for yourself. You’re not over what happened to you, not by a long shot. You’re so much stronger, so much more in control of it, but not over it. You may never be. You can function day to day, week to week, completely normally, and you can tell yourself that’s recovery, and it is, but only to a point. The flashbacks, the nightmares, they’re symptoms of PTSD. You’re still suffering and that means you still need to be kind to yourself, still need to look after yourself and let us look after you. Getting involved in this cause, with this group… it won’t help you. It’ll hurt you, it’s already hurting you.’

‘What do you suggest I do?’

‘Let Michael and his team do their jobs. Let him find the ones behind it and let him make it clear, in no uncertain terms, that if they come after you, if they try to involve you, they’ll regret it.’

He sighed, shook his head. ‘I can’t do that. We can’t do that. It’s a threat.’

‘It’s what they’re doing. They orchestrated at attack which could have killed you. What’s to say next time it won’t?’

‘That’s not what they were trying to do.’

‘No, you’re right. They were trying to get you in such a vulnerable position that they were free to take photos of your scars and download your medical files.’

‘That’s Michael’s theory.’

‘Got a better one? I know I’m upsetting you. I’m trying to get you to see why getting involved is a bad idea before you make a decision even I can’t sway you from. I don’t want to lose you down a rabbit hole. It would break my heart.’

For the first time since he’d walked into the office, he thought he might actually have said something that made a difference. John shuffled his chair up close to his desk and reached out over the surface, Jack meeting him half way, linking their fingers. 

‘What about if the ISA lent its help to them? Not me personally, but our legal team, investigators, looking into the allegations, seeing if they can help find other victims who are willing to testify.’

Jack considered that and nodded. ‘That I have no problem with. It’s you being so exposed that scares me. I would just like you to stay in the background this time. Let others take up the fight on your behalf.’

‘Okay.’ John nodded. ‘For you.’

‘Really?’ That honestly felt too easy. 

John laughed. ‘I love you. That means listening to you, taking your thoughts and feelings into account when I make decisions. I’ve never… done that before. Even with Anna, I didn’t ever put her before my career. You’re more important to me than… anything. So yes, really.’

*

Susan’s office was next door to John’s. Initially she’d asked about soundproofing, and she’d been assured that no sound would carry between offices and privacy was ensured if confidential meetings were held behind closed doors. She didn’t say that it wasn’t sound travelling out that she was worried about, but so far John and Jack seemed to have behaved themselves. Either that, or they were very quiet. A couple of reports of the noises that periodically could be heard from their apartment balcony made her doubt the second scenario.

She looked up at the knock on her open door and smiled.

‘Hey, come in. How was your trip?’

Jack nodded. ‘All good. G’Kar sends his… regards, I suppose.’

‘We’re supposed to be having dinner tonight. It’ll be good to see him. I’m sorry we disturbed you. That was on me.’

‘It’s fine. I’m glad you disturbed me.’

‘You were going to know better than anyone what to do.’

‘Yeah,’ he nudged John playfully. ‘We’ve been through a few rodeos, haven’t we?’ She watched John rub the back of his hand and saw the mark and the bruise she’d left.

‘Oh, my God, did I do that?’

‘It’ll fade, don’t worry. Thank you for acting so quickly.’

‘To get you out of a situation I put you in. Do you… want to sit down?’

‘We just want to bring you up to speed on the Andersen situation.’

They sat, and John explained his decision, which she wholeheartedly agreed with. 

‘You changed his mind?’ she asked Jack when John was done.

‘No. Just… put forward my point of view for consideration.’

‘Well, after what happened this morning, I’m glad. You looked like you were in pain.’

‘Can I ask… you said you caused the flashback.’

‘She didn’t,’ John insisted, but Susan glared at him. 

‘I did. I put my hand over his wrist, pinned it to the table, trying to get him to see sense.’

‘Ah.’

‘I am really sorry.’

John waved it away. ‘Stop it. I’m fine. Are you okay to pull together the right people and I’ll see if Michael can find a spokesman for the group.’

‘JPP.’

‘Huh?’

‘The group. They’re called JPP - Justice for Political Prisoners.’

‘Simple and to the point.’

‘And sure, I can do that. I think Michael will be relieved too. I swear I thought he’d had a heart attack when he called me from Mars. Why did you two slip out?’ She didn’t miss the furtive glance. ‘What?’

‘We wanted some privacy.’

It had to be good if John was acting this cagey. ‘Why? Where did you go? Strip club?’

‘That’s the first place your mind goes? Maybe we just wanted some us time.’

‘In Mars Central? The least romantic of places in the universe. Tell me. Brothel?’

‘Hey! We’re happily married men.’

‘I know. But I suspect you share… things. So… where? Adult toy shop?’

‘Maybe we just went for a meal.’

‘Bullshit. I’ll just ask Michael, I know he knows.’

‘He won’t tell you. Part of his job is discretion.’

‘He will if I get his nuts in a vice grip and threaten to make sure his baby stays an only child.’

‘You do not play fair,’ John told her.

‘You’re one fucking scary lady. Fine. I was getting a piercing.’

Her eyebrows went up as she imagined all sorts of things going on under Jack’s clothing. ‘Just you?’

‘Just me.’

‘Where?’

He hesitated. ‘Right nipple, if you must know.’

A smile slid across her face. She couldn’t help it. ‘I bet that looks really good on you.’ His blush was worth it.

John sat forward. ‘Are you finished interrogating my husband about our private life?’

She sat back, smug. ‘For now.’

*

‘Are we going to talk about what you said when we were aboard the Minbari cruiser?’ Jack asked that evening, apropos of nothing, and it took John a few seconds to remember. ‘When I told you I’d shown Michael why we’d gone out alone, the night you were stabbed?’

‘Be fair, I was on morphine, you can’t hold whatever I said against me.’

Putting down his glass, Jack came to sit next to him, out on the balcony, the sky already darkening above them. ‘You were upset I’d shown Michael my piercing, or not even that because it was still covered. I’d shown him me, I guess. I reminded you just how many people had seen me shirtless over the years and you said ‘but it’s Michael’.’

‘Did I.’ He did remember. He remembered that moment of something… complicated when Jack had told him. ‘It was the mental image,’ he admitted eventually. ‘You unbuttoning your shirt while he watched.’

‘What about it? Did it… turn you on, or off?’

Eyes searching Jack’s face, John knew there wasn’t a right answer. He was curious, he wanted to know, liked to talk dirty when they were having sex, even when they weren’t; liked to know where the lines were, what was okay and what wasn’t, what would enhance the mood and what was likely to kill it.

‘Off, mostly.’

Jack smiled, fingers moving to caress his leg through his pants. ‘Mostly?’

John needed to think about how to say this. ‘You told me… you tried bondage and had a bad experience, and that it put you off trying again.’ Jack nodded. ‘Michael could… do things for you that I can’t. There’s so much I could have done with you in the past that I can’t face doing now, I’ve thought about things, and just the thought…. But he could. He could show you what it should be like.’

Shifting closer, Jack put one leg over the seat and the other over John’s lap, chin on his shoulder, kissing his ear because it was in range of his mouth. 

‘I’m sure he could,’ he murmured. ‘I’m sure if we asked him, he would gladly tie me up, gag me, maybe not blindfold me because he would sure as hell want me to watch, to know it was him criss-crossing my back with lashes from a whip, putting a spreader bar between my legs, spanking my hole with a paddle until it was red and stinging and glistening with the lube he’d use to insert the biggest vibrating plug he had all the way inside me. Then he’d want to turn me over, still trussed, so I could watch him push my legs up to expose my ass to him again, watch him attach clamps to my nipples, connected to a little chain for him to pull on when he wanted to add that extra bite. He’d definitely want to put a cock ring on my dick to make sure I couldn’t come when the vibrator went to work, and I know he’d sit back and watch until I was writhing, drooling around the ball - maybe dildo - gag in my mouth and down my throat. Just when he thought I was reaching my limit, he’d pull the plug out, make certain I saw the long, latex glove he’d roll over his hand, his wrist, down his arm, snapping it in place so that I understood before he pushed all four fingers into my hole, forcing his thumb, his hand inside me, continuing to push up into my ass; wrist, forearm, twisting, going ever deeper until he was up to his elbow, fingers stroking my bowels, before snapping the fastening on the ring and jerking me off roughly me so I came all over his face, with his arm all the way inside me, my whole body clenching down on him, deeper inside me than anyone has ever-. Ah, see, there’s the line.’ 

He was right. He’d pinned John in place in a way that kept him from getting up without obvious restraint; just his leg over John’s lap, over his groin so he could feel John’s erection as it hardened, and the moment it softened, holding him in place when John’s flight response kicked in.

‘I wondered where it was. I love you, so much it still takes my breath away, but you can be monumentally stupid sometimes.’ 

‘I just….’

‘I know, and I know that wasn’t what you meant because you can’t bear the thought of Michael laying a finger on me, you don’t even like the idea of his eyes on me. I was just… seeing how far I could go.’ Something wet hit his hand and he was confused for a second before he caught a rough sob and realised he’d gone way, way too far. He sat up, swung himself into John’s lap and wrapped his arms around him, hugging him close, face in his hair, kissing his scalp. ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.’

John’s arms clamped around him, an iron tight cage in which he let himself be held for as long as John needed to. He wasn’t crying, not as such, but he’d gone somewhere he needed time to come back from. Finally he relaxed, arms loosening but not letting go, sitting back just slightly so Jack had to lift his head, let him catch his breath. He met the sapphire gaze, the emotions there too complex for an easy reading.

‘Too much. I’m sorry.’

‘Sexy as fuck… if it had been anonymous.’

‘But not with Michael.’ He understood. ‘You know what it’s like between us, Johnny, he would never dare and I would never let him.’

One of John’s hands came around to stroke Jack’s face, drag short nails through his beard. ‘Sometimes the lines get blurred when you talk like that.’

‘I know. And I need to be more careful.’

‘No. It was… there’s just a moment when my brain switches from it being a fantasy to imagining it happening to you, and at that moment every instinct I have is to protect you, to…’

‘Possess me?’

John nodded, one quick, sharp motion. ‘It all kicks in.’ Jack shifted slightly, reviving their flagging erections through the cloth separating them. ‘If it wasn’t Michael, if I was able to do some of that, would you want to try?’

‘What I need when I’m having sex - the only thing I need - is for you to be involved, and only you. You know me, I’d try anything once, but only with you. If something’s a turn off for you, it’s not going to work for me either. What we do… is beyond anything I’ve ever imagined I would have. Christ, John, we’ve taken it further than I’ve ever done and it’s incredible. I don’t want or need anything you don’t find appealing. The bondage thing doesn’t interest me anymore. I want to be free touch you, I love to touch you, I love getting my hands on you, whatever we’re doing.’ He took a breath, sweeping one hand over John’s hair. ‘We’ve gotten close to fisting, and I like that, being opened like that by you; I wouldn’t mind… doing more, but you know I don’t like the idea of it going deeper than, say, a large toy. We have the vibrators, the butt plugs, those glorious nipple clamps that make me hard just thinking about them. We already do most of what I described, it was just the scenario that went too far, and I am sorry for that.’

John shook his head, touching his lips to Jack’s mouth, just a light, lingering touch and the warmth of his breath that restored Jack’s erection to full strength in a heart beat.

‘Did you say… spanking your hole…?’

‘Yes.’ He looked at John’s expression curiously. ‘You never did that?’ He was stunned. ‘You guys did everything.’

‘What do you use?’

‘In the past, I’ve used a paddle. You get small, narrow ones. Or a riding crop works.’ John winced. ‘Or you can use two fingers, it’s just not as… forceful.’

‘Does it hurt?’

‘Um. It’s like any spanking. There’s a certain amount of pain involved, but it’s the good kind, and it depends how hard you hit. It brings the blood to the surface, leaves it feeling very sensitive. I’ll show you, if you want, just with my fingers.’

John nodded, flicked his tongue out to wet Jack’s lips. ‘Please.’

The outdoor seating they’d bought was perfect when it came to sex. It wasn’t what they’d had in mind for its use when they’d ordered it, but they moment it had arrived, they’d both looked at it, looked at each other, and within an hour Jack had been lying naked on it, face down, one leg either side, feet on the floor, ass sticking up, hole stuffed full of John’s cock as he pushed inside and pulled out, over and over, driving against Jack’s prostate, sending him spiralling into an orgasm so clean and clear he’d yelled himself hoarse.

Now it was John in that position, thighs wide apart, pink hole exposed, wet from Jack’s tongue as he soothed the redness caused by spanking it repeatedly with his middle and index fingers. The view he had was obscene and his dick was aching just from looking. John’s first flinch had been his only one, and after a couple of minutes he’d been moaning, pushing up into it, begging, although Jack suspected he didn’t know what for. His hole twitched continuously under Jack’s ministrations, each hard slap of his fingers, each gentle lap of his tongue. 

Slicking up a couple of digits, he pressed one through the reddened, puckered muscle, expecting John’s moan of pain, kissing his ass cheek, letting him get used to the stretch, licking around his own finger to ease the burn. Only when he was pushing back on it did Jack add a second, sliding his tongue in alongside them, slipping between them into the heat of John’s body which was in constant motion, grinding into the slightly rough cushion beneath him, grunting and groaning. He added a third finger, more lube, kissing the crease of John’s thigh, sliding his hand back and forth, fucking gently, slowly. John’s grunts changed to moans, his hips bucking back, consciously or unconsciously seeking more. 

Jack twisted his hand, found his prostrate and stroked it deliberately. John howled, pushed against him, lifted his head and looked back over his shoulder. ‘More, Jack, please.’

He added a fourth finger, tucked in with the other three, pressing into the hot channel, watching as John’s body opened for him but struggled with the wide base. If he tried to get his whole hand inside he was going to hurt him, he wasn’t prepared well enough for that. But he wanted more. John loved being filled, to feel the stretch go deeper than his entrance, loved Jack’s cock for its girth and length, for being human, being Jack.

He withdrew his fingers, leaving John open and slightly gaping after the long fuck with his fingers. He spread more lube around the red ring of muscle, more on his cock, and shifted up John’s body to press into him, sliding smoothly inside. John sobbed, relief not pain, and started muttering encouraging nonsense, urging Jack to fuck him, deep and hard. It was difficult in that position, but it was good, so good, that he didn’t want to change it. He put force into each thrust but it wasn’t an animalistic pounding; it was long, luxurious strokes into the hot, tight sleeve of John’s body. 

John was evidently getting nowhere with the cushion, just not getting the friction from it, Jack’s rhythmic stroking of his prostate wasn’t enough either. It was good for him, the sounds he was making were testament to that, but he wasn’t going to come like this and that was something Jack was counting on. He was though, with John’s heat surrounding him, John’s ass sucking on his cock. His orgasm started in his balls and spread out like a tsunami through him, unloading deep inside. As soon as he was able to think straight, he slipped out and plugged John’s hole with four fingers, gingerly sliding back down between his legs.

‘Turn over,’ he murmured. 

John hesitated, but when Jack didn’t withdraw, he manoeuvred on to his side and then onto his back, cautiously, groaning at the twist of the digits inside him, catching on his insides. 

John’s erection stood proud from his body, pre-cum wetting the head of it. ’So fucking beautiful, Johnny….’ Jack knelt up, bent over with half his hand still inside, and swallowed John’s cock to the base, seating it snuggly at the back of his throat. He sucked on it with hollowed cheeks, tongue licking the shaft as he held John’s hip with his free hand. He felt hands on his head, fingers in his hair and a glorious pressure holding him in place while John thrust his hips up, fucking into his mouth and throat, making him gag. He moaned his pleasure and approval, breathing John’s sweat and arousal through his nose as best he could, feeling his own semen leaking out of John’s ass around his fingers. The pressure on his head lifted too soon and he heard John tell him he was close. He dragged his mouth and the lightest of teeth up John’s shaft, curling his tongue and pressing it as deep as he could into the wet slit. John came, screaming into the night air, pulsing into Jack’s hungry mouth.

They both sat up cautiously, John bringing his feet up, rubbing his aching thigh muscles held apart by the seating for too long. 

‘So that’s what anal spanking feels like,’ Jack told him, conversationally.

‘You seemed to like it.’

’It enhances everything else, makes it very sensitive.’

‘Yes. It’s a mixer, goes well with other things. I’m still surprised you haven’t done it before.’

‘No one’s ever done it to me, or asked me to do it to them. Mike had a riding crop but we never used it.’

‘The flat end of a crop works, but you need a good aim.’ He could see just from the heat in John’s eyes that he liked the idea. He smiled, got up and padded through the house into the bathroom to clean up, wash his hand. He heard John lock up and follow him, leaning around him as he put the towel back on the rail, taking his hand.

‘Out of interest, how much of this did you get up inside me?’

‘Four fingers, just to the base. You’d have known about it if I’d gone further.’

‘I know. I just wondered, after what you said.’

Jack turned his hand in John’s, stroking his long fingers. He had large hands, larger than Jack’s own, and he imagined for a moment how one would feel pressing relentlessly through his anus into his body.

‘I would like to try that. I’d like this inside me, just to the wrist, see how it feels to have you fuck me with your whole hand.’

‘You’re sure? I’m a lot thicker than your dildo across the knuckles.’

‘I like that. It’s the depth I’m not so keen on.’

John took Jack’s hands to his mouth and kissed his fingertips. ‘That little trick you do with your tongue….’

‘I know you like that.’

‘How deep can you go?’

‘Not very. Not without stretching you first, and I don’t think that’s a good idea. We’ll try the plug, but I’m not willing to risk any permanent damage or… change.’

‘No.’ Jack smiled when John winced, glad of it. 

‘I love your cock just the way it is. Obviously, if you wanted a piercing I wouldn’t stop you.’

‘God, no. My stance on needles anywhere near my dick hasn’t changed, especially after watching that guy push one through your nipple.’

‘Yeah, that was….’ Jack cupped his palm over his piercing protectively. John hadn’t gone near it, waiting for him to say it was okay. It was definitely getting there, still twinged whenever he gave it an experimental tug, but he’d had Stephen take a quick look and he’d said it was perfectly fine, healing well, and just to keep doing what he was doing, letting John at it only when it stopped feeling tender. 

‘How is it now?’

’Still a bit… delicate. But I keep thinking of how it’s going to feel with your tongue around it, your lips and fingers. I’m looking forward to when I can get a clamp on it.’ 

John’s eyes widened. ‘I need to do some research.’

‘You mean watch some porn, get some ideas?’ Jack grinned. ‘Oh, I’m up for that.’

*

Waking alone was one of those things he was used to. It was light behind the blinds, the sun was already up. Shrugging into his robe, Jack padded through to the living room and found John fast asleep on the sofa, curled up under the blanket. He didn’t disturb him immediately, carried on through into the kitchen and put the kettle on. He made tea and by the time he’d done, John was sitting up.

‘Why didn’t you wake me?’ he murmured, stroking his hand over John’s hair, down the back of his neck. 

‘You were well away. You need to sleep.’ Still wrapped up in the blanket, he took the tea gratefully when Jack sat down on the table facing him. 

‘Want to talk?’ He watched John rub his throat almost unconsciously.

‘It wasn’t a nightmare as such. I just… I thought I could feel something around my throat.’

‘The collar.’

He nodded. ‘There were small devices on my wrists too, when they were all activated the pain was… excruciating. It felt like I was on fire, my whole body spasming, nerves burning…. Last night I managed to wake myself up before anything happened, if anything was going to happen. I just got up and came in here for a few minutes. I didn’t mean to fall asleep in here. Sorry you woke alone.’

‘Used to it, Beloved.’ He leaned forward, and John met him halfway, humming softly into the kiss. ‘I’m going to take a shower.’

‘If you’re still in there when I’ve finished my tea….’ 

Jack smiled. ‘You are always welcome to join me.’

Some mornings they showered together, some mornings - particularly if one them absolutely had to get to an early meeting - they showered apart. Jack had expected John to join him, disappointed when he didn’t. He wrapped a towel around his waist, rubbed his hair roughly, and went to check he was okay.

‘John, are you….’ He trailed off, looking from his husband, sitting tense and still on the edge of the sofa, to the ISN report on the screen.

/‘… claiming they have evidence that EarthGov under the Clarke administration tortured political prisoners physically and mentally. The group, who call themselves Justice for Political Prisoners, says it has medical files of twenty people arrested and detained at three facilities, two on Mars and one on Earth, including the then commander of Babylon 5, Captain John Sheridan, who was held for seven days before being rescued by Mars Resistance members and going on to lead the final assault on Clarke’s defences. His actions led to Clarke’s suicide and the freeing of Earth, but the JPP claims that the Sheridan, who is now President of the Interstellar Alliance, was in a critical state even as he lead the fleet into battle, and his medical records confirm he’d been brutally beaten, repeatedly drugged and mentally raped during his detainment. A spokesperson for the JPP has demanded that President Luchenko admits to the illegal treatment of political prisoners under Clarke’s rule and reveals the names of all those brain-washed into making coerced statements of support for Clarke’s government, otherwise the medical records will be sent directly to all Earth and Mars news outlets. So far, President Luchenko has openly criticised the JPP for what she’s saying is the illegal appropriation of confidential files and says while she is sympathetic to their cause, EarthGov will not cooperate with blackmailers./

Carefully, Jack crouched down at John’s knee, one hand on his shoulder. ‘John?’ He saw at once anger and tears, rage alongside a terrible kind of defeat. He was trembling, and this was going to go one of two ways, or so he thought. Only, it didn’t go either. John put his face into his faces and took a couple of deep breaths before raising his head and looking directly at Jack. For a few seconds, he said nothing, sadness winning out in those bright, shining eyes, then he dropped his forehead to Jack’s forehead. 

‘How did I get so lucky? Why do you… love me?’

Surprised at the questions, Jack found himself blinking away his own tears. He found John’s left hand and held it, rubbing his thumb back and forth over his wedding ring, cocooning the prosthetic pinkie, while he combed the fingers of his other hand into the silky, grey hair. ‘Because you’re so easy to love. My body and soul have responded to you from the first day we met. I look into your eyes and see all these feelings reflected back at me. All my life, I’ve never met anyone else like you. You’re the most beautiful, brave, batshit crazy person I’ve ever met and I can’t imagine - won’t imagine - my life without you in it. That, and… I want to make love to you every time I see you.’ He dropped a kiss to the tip of John’s nose. ‘Obviously you’re not all right. What do you want to do?’

He took a deep, shuddering breath. ‘I need to talk to Stephen. Give it a minute or two, I’m sure someone’s already-‘ The comms screen in the opposite corner of the lounge started chiming insistently. ‘Like I said.’

‘Want me to get that?’

John nodded against him and he waited a beat before sitting back, kissing John’s forehead and standing up, squeezing his shoulder and hand before letting go. He crossed to the comms unit and issued the instruction to put the call through, audio only. It was Susan.

‘John?’

‘It’s Jack. Morning, Susan.’

‘Morning, have you-‘

‘Yes.’

‘Can we come to you?’

He glanced over at John, who nodded. 

‘Yeah. Give us thirty minutes?’

‘We’ll bring breakfast.’ She ended the call as John disappeared into the bedroom, stark naked. Jack gave it a minute, heard the shower start and experienced a moment of indecision. He wasn’t sure if leaving John alone right now was the best idea, or if he needed the kind of support he’d needed back on B5; to know he was safe and loved. He thought about what John had said about the collar and the cuffs, the electrocutions that had burnt his skin, seared his nerves and sent his body into uncontrollable spasm, the pain he must have felt, the fear of something he couldn’t get away from.

The tears that sprung into his eyes weren’t a surprise, and he walked through into the bathroom, dropped his towel and stepped into the shower. John turned, and he was wrapped in tight, sure arms against that firm, strong body he loved. The water fell around them, John holding him as he cried. He didn’t ask what was wrong, he didn’t need to.

It was a few long minutes before Jack was able to let go, loosen his arms, and John did the same, letting him step back but keeping hands on his arms, keeping him anchored.

‘Sometimes... the thought of you going through it all alone….’ 

‘Not all of it. And you’ve been here ever since.’

‘I love you. I will always love you. I wish there were… other words.’

‘You don’t need words. It’s in your eyes, in your touch, in your patience with me.’

‘It’s not patience, I don’t need patience.’ He slid one hand carefully to the side of John’s throat, thumb stroking the line of his jaw, fingers brushing the short hairs at the nape of his neck. He reached up to kiss him, just a touch of his lips to John’s mouth, lingering, feeling them part for him, tongue sliding into the wet heat. When he broke from the kiss, he smiled, and stepped back, ignoring his dick’s protest, it only took a brief recall of the ISN report for it to take the hint.

He left John to his shower, picking his towel up from the floor and drying himself off again, going through to the bedroom to find some clothes. John wasn’t far behind, naked, reaching for him just as he’d pulled on a pair of trousers. His back hit the bed hard and John crawled over him on all fours, straddling him, kissing him like he needed it to breathe.

‘Make love to me.’

His dick - smug git that it was - hardened in a moment, sprang up from his open fly, making its eagerness known. His hands seemed to move of their own accord, over John’s sides, sliding around to squeeze his ass. 

‘Please, Jack.’

He somehow wriggled out of his pants without needing to use his hands, busy as they were, and kicked them off his feet, rolling them over, John getting his legs over Jack’s shoulders as he was reaching for the lube. This was a rare position for them. Jack wasn’t too keen on the vulnerable position it put John in, but sometimes it was what he wanted and Jack was careful never to push the advantage.

John’s toes teased the hairs at the back of his neck as he pressed a slick digit into his body, twisting gently, ignoring John’s pleas for more, adding a second only when he thought he was ready. He glanced at where his waiting dick was pushing against John’s, sliding along it. It was hot as hell and John’s insistence that he be inside him wasn’t helping. He got more lube onto himself, then put the tip of the tube against John’s hole and squired a little directly inside him. John yelped and squirmed, held in place by Jack’s arms, his body as he bent over him, head of his cock nudging against his anus, pressing determinedly inside.

He pushed in, a single slide, John’s knees on his shoulders, leaning over him, bending to kiss him before starting a slow, lazy rhythm. They both heard the door chime in the distance and ignored it, not caring, needing this more.

John’s fingers stroked his cheek. ‘You feel so, so good,’ he murmured, and Jack through that was the understatement of the year.

‘You’re incredible. I love this, love being inside you.’

‘Go deeper, please Jack.’

He straightened up, changing the angle, his next slow slide in forcing him over John’s prostate, forcing a cry from his throat. This was a rhythm as old as time; a slow, gentle fuck, taking John apart piece by piece, turning words to nonsense. Jack could feel his orgasm building, keeping his eyes on John’s face, watching every nuance of pleasure in his blissed out expression. 

‘Touch yourself,’ he murmured, ‘I want to see you, hear you when you come. I want them to hear you outside.’

John’s knuckles brushed his stomach as he took himself in his hand and pumped his cock in time with Jack’s thrusts. He saw the moment his climax hit, felt the streaks of hot semen against his skin, felt muscles clenching around him as John’s cry was torn from his throat, and Jack came hard, burrowing deep into John’s body. It was long moments before they came down, taking ragged breaths together, sweat and semen filling the room with the smell of sex.

‘Should I have stayed in the shower?’ Jack murmured, and John nodded, 

‘You left with an erection. I wanted that.’

‘I just needed to hold you.’

‘And I just needed you to make love to me.’

They showered again. together, making it as brief as possible but finding it difficult to keep their hands off one another, both feeling a need to touch, just to be in physical contact with one another. Jack watched John pull a jumper over his head, one of the warm ones he’d worn on B5, watched him pull the sleeves over his hands and caught him carefully by the elbow before he left the bedroom.

‘I’m right here, okay? Anything you need.’

John nodded. ‘Thank you. Ops: front door open.’

All three - Susan, Michael and Stephen - looked somewhere between amused and embarrassed. John didn’t comment, just waved them all inside as Jack opened the doors out to the balcony. They all filed out, putting down bags of what smelt like fresh pastries and coffee. He glanced at John, but he either hadn’t noticed or wasn’t bothered. He’d not been affected by the smell in a while but Jack worried that what was happening would bring it all back. Susan handed John a cup of tea and he took it gratefully, taking a seat at the table, Jack seating himself next to him, shuffling over to stay close.

Once they were all seated and Jack had a mouthful of something doughy and sweet, like a doughnut but nowhere near as sickly or greasy, John asked them straight out if the JPP really had got a hold of his medical records, and if so, how. Michael looked pointedly at Stephen who sat forward.

‘When we left B5, I copied all medical files for ISA personnel over to the ISA network, you four, as well as everyone else who was transferring. I deleted your files from the EarthForce system. But of course, while your records were on the EarthForce system, while you all notionally were EarthForce, backups were being taken regularly. It was these backups that the JPP managed to hack, specifically ones taken after Mars.’

‘How long after Mars?’

‘The date on the files was November 30th. So a few weeks after you got back to B5.

‘And what exactly have they got?’

‘Well, not everything. I kept my notes on a separate system on B5 itself, but they have details of specific injuries, medications, operations, treatments.’

‘So along with a doctor, they could catalogue everything that was done to me.’

‘They could catalogue every injury caused to you. Not necessarily how you sustained those injuries. A lot of my conclusions were drawn on what you told me and what I saw when we pulled you out.’

‘Pictures?’

‘No.’

‘Have you managed to get a hold of President Luchenko?’

Susan nodded. ‘She’s on her way.’

That… wasn’t what Jack had been expecting to hear. John neither, going by his reaction. ‘She’s coming here?’

‘She wanted to speak to you face to face, I told her you’re still recovering from the attack on Mars, so she said she’ll come to you. She was visiting a Rangers outpost as part of Earth’s involvement in the ISA so she’s only a day’s journey out.’

‘What exactly does she want to talk to me about?’

‘How they respond, I’m guessing. They’ve been given a week before the media is sent the documents and the evidence goes public. 

Jack was a little surprised when John reached for his hand, but he willingly, happily laced their fingers together. 

‘Meanwhile,’ Michael added, ‘Marcus is going with couple of my guys to Earth on White Star 4 in an hour. We’ve got the name of someone we believe is behind everything the JPP are doing.’

‘What’s Marcus going to do?’

‘Convince his guy that releasing your records, if they really do have them, is a bad idea.’

John glanced at Stephen. ‘Why don’t we know for sure?’

‘They haven’t proved it either way, although they still might, if EarthGov pushes. The backups were hacked, we know that for a fact. We just don’t know for certain who by.’

‘Right.’ He turned back to Michael. ‘No one dies. Enough people have suffered.’

‘If he needs persuading, they’ll just get Jack to talk to him. Ideally he’d be going with them.’ John’s hand tightened and Jack didn’t have to say it. ‘But obviously, that’s not going to happen.’ He let go of the momentary flash of anger, reaching for his coffee and making sure Michael caught his eye before he looked away. 

‘I need him here,’ John told them honestly. ‘All this has brought back a lot of memories I’d managed to put away. Nightmares, flashbacks… I don’t want to be alone right now. If you need him on comms just let us know.’

‘Sure. Sorry.’ Michael looked directly at Jack then. ‘You’re just very good at putting John’s point of view across.’

‘It’s not difficult. They have to imagine they’d spent a week shackled to a chair, electrodes at their throat and wrists, frightened, exhausted, dehydrated and in constant pain. Then they just have to imagine the universe was watching.’ If John had squeezed his hand at any time, he would have stopped talking. He told himself that. But at the same time, he desperately wanted Michael to understand what was happening here. ‘They can call me, anytime, and I’ll make sure whoever is doing this listens and understands.’

‘No one dies. I mean it. They’re just medical records, words.’ He sounded like he was trying to convince himself. ‘Even if… they make a fucking movie, it’ll be speculation, interpretation, it’ll never be what actually happened. We’re the only people who will ever know what I went through, the results of what they did to me.’

‘We’re not going to let it happen.’

John nodded, but it was obvious that he thought the JPP probably had the upper hand, and the right idea.

*

John had never actually met President Luchenko in person. They’d told him that she’d visited him in the infirmary on Earth, before he’d been transferred to B5, after the final assault, days after his rescue from Mars. He didn’t remember. She was with her advisers; a Government negotiator, Eleanor Belko, an EarthForce General, Richard Franks, and two EarthGov lawyers. Her security team flanked them as they disembarked the transport. 

Half the ISA staff had wanted to be there to greet her. Michael had managed to keep it to a minimum, and she’d agreed to give an address during her visit, so it was just John, Jack, Susan and Delenn who were there to shake hands and formally welcome her and her entourage to Minbar. And security, obviously. 

‘President Sheridan,’ she shook his hand warmly. ‘This is some set up you’ve got here.’

‘Thank you, Madam President.’

‘It’s good to see you looking well. And doing such a great job.’ He acknowledged that and she introduced those around her, him doing the same, everyone shaking hands. He saw the recognition in her expression when she looked at Jack, and caught a snippet of what she said, something along the lines of understanding why he’d been so forceful in the infirmary. He smiled to himself, and after a firm handshake with the general, turned to get the story. It wasn’t fear exactly that he saw in Jack’s eyes, it was something else as the general greeted him with a comment about a firefight Jack had clearly won with the Agamemnon during the rebellion. A firefight that had presumably taken place while John had been held captive on Mars. He’d heard about Jack’s week of rampaging, singleminded attacks on EarthForce ships that had remained on Clarke’s side. So initially he put Jack’s obviously wary reaction to the general down to them having been on opposite sides.

It wasn’t until they started for the conference hall for refreshments ahead of the start of talks around their response to the JPP’s threats, that John realised it was something else. 

‘Susan, we’ll catch up.’ 

She glanced at them both, Michael too hanging back. ‘Everything okay?’

‘I’ll let you know.’ She nodded and went with the group, but Michael hesitated.

‘You want me to stay?’

‘Yeah. Just... give us a minute.’

He backed off, gave them space, so it was only the two of them when Jack said, ‘Remember I told you, I got interested in the BDSM scene, went to a club on Mars and it didn’t go as planned?’ John nodded. ‘That’s the guy. The general.’

‘You’re sure?’

‘Oh yes. His face is seared into my memory. It was... twenty five years ago, but he hasn’t changed all that much.’

John reached for his hand, breathing through the wave of protectiveness. 

‘What do you want to do?’

‘I’m fine. It was a long time ago and he obviously doesn’t remember me. But... I’d prefer not to be alone with him.’ He squeezed John’s hand. ‘Honestly. It’s okay. Just... surprised me. That’s all. I never expected to see him again, especially not under these circumstances. I never knew who he was, and to him I was just... something to play with.’

‘He’s a sadist....’

‘Undoubtedly. But now he has much more powerful weapons than bondage gear and oversized sex toys.’ John tensed and he knew Jack had felt it. ‘He didn’t rape me.’

‘You didn’t consent to everything. Did he even give you a safe word?’

‘Yeah, but it was difficult to say it with a dildo shoved down my throat. It wasn’t…..’ He sounded like he couldn’t find the right words. ‘He just went further than I’d planned to go. Some parts, I did enjoy. You can’t start a war over this.’

‘You’re always saying the people who hurt me are all dead. If they hadn’t been, what would you have done? He hurt you and he’s very much alive.’

‘It’s not the same thing.’ He could hear the plea in Jack’s voice. ‘You’re overreacting. It was a few hours, I went willingly, if a little naively, and I came out with a few bruises and a sore ass.’ He sighed, reaching for John’s other hand too. ‘I shouldn’t have told you.’

Michael, who had been hovering off to one side, was obviously getting concerned. Dignitaries visited all the time, something was going on and he wanted to know what he needed to do about it.

‘I want to tell Michael to keep an eye on him, to make sure he knows not to leave you, or me, alone with that bastard. Is that okay?’

Jack nodded, and John beckoned him over.

‘What’s up?’

‘General Franks...?’

‘Career EarthForce. Used to Captain the Hydra.’ He looked between them. ‘Is he a problem we need to get rid of?’ John wasn’t one hundred percent sure he was joking.

‘We’re not offing an EarthForce general,’ Jack reiterated. ‘He and I... we have history, about... four or five hours of history, over twenty five years ago. He doesn’t remember me and that’s good. But probably best I’m not left alone with him. And neither is John, for the general’s sake.’

‘Four or five hours?’ Michael was a shrewd man. ‘He hurt you?’

‘I was naive.’

‘But he hurt you. Took advantage when he shouldn’t have done?’

Jack didn’t answer, to confirm or deny, so John said, ‘He’s a sadist.’ 

Michael shared a knowing glance with John before turning his attention on Jack. ‘Most guys like him are. Don’t worry, he lays a finger on you and we’ll shoot it off.’ He hesitated. ‘You do know... you are the First Gentleman. That’s a powerful position. You’ve never really taken it onboard, but if you give an instruction around here, everyone will jump.’ Jack nodded. ’My team will keep tabs on him and I’ll make sure neither of you are alone with him. As long as he doesn’t remember, we’ll be okay. If he does remember, and gets angsty, that’s when we might have a problem.’

It was in his words, something that rankled. ‘He sexually assaulted my husband. Maybe that’s not something he should be allowed to forget.’ 

Jack’s hand on his arm wasn’t a surprise. ‘That’s not what happened.’

‘Guys like that don’t change. What if he’s done worse? What if he’s still doing worse? To people not as able to compartmentalise as you?’

‘He’s an EarthForce general. I’m sure he’s done things a hell of a lot worse, but he’s not alone in that. You can’t fix everything.’ 

‘No.’ He glanced at Michael. ‘But there must be some advantages to being president.’ The answering sly smile was one that felt overwhelmingly familiar.

*

Four of them - he and Jack, Susan and Luchenko, sat at the table in a quiet corner of the ISA’s dining room, looking out over a similar view to the one from their balcony. a semi-circle of security protected them from… John wasn’t sure what. He’d refused to discuss details of his medical history with the other members of the president’s entourage, where as in truth he was just trying his level best to keep General Franks out of this, away from Jack, away from him.

All morning, mental images had been plaguing him, his own imagination providing plenty of scenarios of how it might have played out that night in the club, when Franks had taken a young, curious man and destroyed his trust in a scene that should have nurtured him, would have done, had he met the right kind of person that night and not the wrong kind. John had never had that sort of mentor; Michael had introduced him to various things and he’d either enjoyed them or not, but he’d had a safe word and whenever John had used it, Mike had stopped everything he’d been doing, and backtracked until things were good again.

Franks was a big man, back in his younger days he’d likely have been all muscle. Jack wouldn’t have stood a chance at fighting him, even if he’d tried before the ropes and cuffs were on. After that, he’d have been immobile, laid bare for Franks to do whatever he wanted. The worst part was that they’d managed to blur some lines; Jack loved to talk when they were making love, and John loved to hear him; filthy fantasies, things neither of them would ever want but hearing him describe them was sexy as hell.

Nothing sexy about the thought of Franks’ hands on Jack’s skin, his mouth on him, his dick in him…. By the end of the hour long reception, John had been just about ready to put a PPG to Franks’ groin and pull the trigger.

But the simple thought of Jack lying open and at John’s mercy… that little spark of fantasy was quickly becoming a flame that was licking gently at his cock. Sometimes, he hated himself. The confused signals his brain was sending to his body were unsettling, making if difficult to concentrate.

‘We’ve made it clear that it was Clarke’s administration that sanctioned the arrest and detainment of those who opposed him,’ Luchenko stated, apparently for the record, not that anyone was recording this.

‘Are there any political prisoners still being detained?’ Susan asked, and she shook her head. 

‘All of Clarke’s facilities have been shut down. And you know that the one on Mars has been destroyed.’

‘One of the facilities on Mars was destroyed,’ Jack pointed out, ‘the one he built specially for John’s detainment, to brainwash him into betraying the alliance.’

‘There was another one, yes, but we’ve shut that down too. You can confirm it with MarsGov.’

‘In which case, all you need to do is release the names of the political prisoners held under Clarke’s instruction, surely?’

‘That’s not all that the JPP is asking us to do. They’re insisting we confess to having our own political prisoners, to the torture of people who were Clarke’s allies.’

‘And you’re saying there aren’t any such prisoners. You’re sure?’

‘Of course I’m sure. I know they’re threatening to release medical records as proof of what Clarke was doing. I think they want to release them, that their demands are such that we can’t satisfy them and they’ll have the excuse they need to get the information they have out into the public domain. They’re sadists, John, they’re not doing this for the good of anyone, but for their own gratification. Their spokesman, Martel Petrov, is clean, but his brother Gaili has a criminal record which includes physical and sexual assault on at least five young men.’ That was news. John wondered if Michael knew that, if Marcus did. ‘They want to drag your suffering and the suffering of others like you through the public eye because that’s the kind of thing they get their kicks doing. That image Jonah Andersen had, they tried to get a hold of that and failed. Andersen refused to release it to Petrov because he knew what the man was like, knew why he wanted it. Not to further some cause but to jerk off over it.’ All three of them looked at her with new eyes. ’Sorry, but it’s the truth.’

John sat for a minute, then got up. ‘I need to call Michael.’

Jack sat back, wishing the day was over, or would at least stop getting worse. 

‘Back on Earth, were you and he…? Luchenko enquired, and he shook his head. 

‘Old friends.’

She looked sceptical. ‘Really? You were very… persuasive.’

’Very old friends.’

‘But you stayed. Resigned from EarthForce.’

‘I thought I’d bow out before they threw me out.’

‘That wouldn’t have happened. Your record was exemplary.’

‘I imagined turning the Agamemnon on EarthForce ships might have been a black mark against me.’

‘You picked a side. If we’d discharged every starship captain who opposed Clarke we wouldn’t have any left, and those we had, we wouldn’t be able to trust.’

Jack was a little supposed to hear that, but it didn’t change anything. ‘My path lay elsewhere.’

‘I can see that. You don’t miss it?’

Jack caught Susan glaring at the side of Luchenko’s head and smiled at her. ‘No, I don’t. I love it here.’

‘Well, if you ever change your mind….’ 

He glanced up at John, coming back towards them, and grinned. ‘Never going to happen.’

*

‘Do you want me to tell you what happened?’ 

John glanced over his shoulder, shook his head and turned back to the view. He found it calming to look out over the valley at the trees and the mountains in the distance, to think about walking up them was like meditating if he focused on it.

Jack came to stand beside him. ‘You’ve been thinking about it all day. I’ve been watching you twist yourself in knots.’

‘If you tell me, I will kill him.’ It scared him how much truth there was in that simple statement, but it didn’t surprise him. ‘For him to do that and not even remember, is unforgivable.’

‘I’m certain I was one in a long line of guys he did it to. But John… it wasn’t anywhere as bad as you’re imagining. I wasn’t… screaming in pain, or begging for him to let me go. I came, a couple of times, once in his mouth. So, okay, he made the knots a little too tight, got a bit carried away with the whip and the paddle, used plugs which were bigger than I’d had before, maybe fucked me rougher than I liked, but - and you need to accept this - he did. Not. Rape. Me. I consented.’

In frustration, John pushed away from the railing, walked through the open doors to drop into the sofa. ’Not to all of it.’

‘To being tied up. To being… introduced to some of the things he did.’ Jack followed him, came to stand directly in front of him, and finally with a sigh he put a knee either side of him and straddled him, sitting in his lap, hands framing his face. ‘Stop imagining the worst. Think of… you and Michael, a time when maybe he pushed a little too far, put his hand inside you and worked it deep until he was in you up to his elbow and you didn’t like it, so you told him to stop.’

‘He didn’t let you tell him to stop.’

‘No, he didn’t. And yes, if I hadn’t had a plastic dick shoved in my mouth, I would have told him to. But… I know what’s going on in your head is so much worse than what actually happened.’

John sat back, hands stroking Jack’s sides, settling just above his hips. ‘Consent is everything. You have a safe word for a reason. You can consent to one thing and not to another. You did not consent to being gagged, flogged, fucked with… whatever he chose to fuck you with that was bigger than what you wanted. He took something you didn’t want to give him, and that’s what’s wrong, that’s why he should remember and fucking apologise at the very least.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Delenn once told me that when I see something new and shiny, my eyes light up and the word ‘mine’ is written all over my face. Well, you are mine, Jack Maynard. And I will protect you with my life, with my body and my soul. You know… I could punch Franks in the face and if he tried to hit back, Michael would shoot him.’

‘That is definitely taking advantage of your position.’ He dropped a chaste kiss to his lips. ‘I am yours now, John, but I wasn’t back then. If he tried anything now, I would step back and let you break as much of him as you saw fit to.’

‘If he tried anything now, there is an army of guys whose duty it is to shoot him.’

‘I do keep forgetting that. John… I wasn’t a virgin. It wasn’t my first time. Just my first, and last, experience of a BDSM club.’

‘An experience which should have been different.’

‘That’s just… life. When was your first time?’

John leaned forward, kissed the side of Jack’s neck. ‘I was… fifteen when I made love to Diane Moran in her bedroom when her parents were at work. I lasted about fifteen seconds. Oddly, she didn’t speak to me again either.’ Jack chuckled. ‘I didn’t realise I was interested in guys until I joined the military; exchanged hand jobs and blow jobs with guys from my class, you know what it’s like. But I didn’t have anal sex until I was older. There was this one guy… he’d taken a liking to me, and I… I liked him, had done for a while. Finally, the universe conspired that we were both in the same place at the same time. He’d been looking at me sideways for hours, like he was trying to decide if I was up for it. I absolutely was. So in the end, I just asked him to take me to a motel and fuck me.’

Jack was staring at him, wide eyed. ‘Me?! I was your first? Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘Because you’d have been different. Less… you.’

‘I didn’t…?’

‘You didn’t. You were perfect.’ John let me gaze travel over the beloved face. ‘What about you? When did you lose your virginity?’ 

‘I was… thirteen. He was nineteen.’

‘Thirteen?!’

‘I looked a lot older. He thought I was a lot older. Craig Stevens. He played a lot of sports. Great body. I’d just come out of the pool, had these tight little speedos on. He’d just come from the showers and I could feel his eyes on me as I went in. I bent down deliberately to pull my trucks down, stepped out of them and turned on the water, and there he was, towel gone, fisting his cock, getting down on his knees in front of me. He sucked me off, he even swallowed, then he got me to put my hands on the wall next to the taps, used the soap as lube and got his dick inside me. He was gentle but it still hurt, until he started to hit my prostate over and over. I felt him finish, but he kept on going, kept fucking me, his dick staying hard, until I came a second time. He never spoke to me again, but he used to smile at me sometimes when we’d pass in a corridor or out on the playing field. What?’

‘I was just imagining you in tight speedos.’

‘Well, stop it. Believe me, it wasn’t a great look then, it definitely wouldn’t be now.’

‘I bet it would. Your cute little ass in latex….’

‘I do not have a cute little ass!’

‘You do.’ As it to prove a point, John wriggled his fingers past the waistband of Jack’s pants and spread them over the top of his cheeks. ‘I love it.’

‘You are on the biased side. And you have the most gorgeous ass I’ve ever laid eyes on.’

‘Now who’s showing bias?’

‘Why don’t you go and take a shower… get… thoroughly clean, and I’ll show you just how much I worship that beautiful ass of yours?’

John’s breath caught in his throat. ‘Now?’

‘Do you have somewhere better to be?’

There was a dinner, with Luchenko, her entourage, Franks…. John shook his head, ’No, I don’t.’

Jack watched John come back into the bedroom, his own cock already aching with the need to come just at the thought of what John had just done and why. He dropped his towel, his eyes not leaving Jack’s face while he took his own semi-hard dick in his hand and pumped himself a couple of times, reaching for the cock ring he’d left on the side, snapping it carefully into place. 

‘I’m going to need one of those if you’re going to keep doing things like that,’ he murmured, resisting the urge to give himself a squeeze. He was already achingly hard. John smirked - bastard - and lay face down on the bed, head pillowed on his arms, legs spread. 

‘Are you okay like that?’

‘Wriggling my ass at you? I’m perfect, thank you.’

Jack grabbed a pillow and swatted John’s ass once, the slap sounding louder, harder than he’d meant it to be but it wiped the grin off his face, replacing it with arousal and hunger. 

‘Up.’ John lifted his hips and Jack slid the pillow under his groin, batting a wandering hand away, gently moving John’s cock into a more comfortable position on the pillow himself, not resisting the urge to stroke it, lightly, a couple of times. 

He settled on his front between John’s legs, lowering his face to his ass and dropping a kiss to each cheek before pressing one to his cleft. He smelt of soap, his own scent somewhere under that, pheromones to Jack’s libido. Reaching for the small, circular spreader he’d bought, he put it into John’s hand and let him examine it. It was the same material his plug was made of; with a starting dilation of one inch, opening up to no more than two.

‘It’ll sit just inside you,’ he explained, ‘once I’ve got you nice and open. You should barely feel it, but you will feel the air inside you, you’ll feel the gape and the stretch, like the tunnel plug. If it’s at all uncomfortable, you need to tell me and I’ll take it out. If you want me to take it out at any time, or you don’t want me to use it….’ John handed it back to him. He’d loved the tunnel plug, so this one was a safe bet.

‘I want it, Jack.’

The first long swipe of his tongue over John’s puckered hole was met with a groan of pleasure. He did that a couple of times, hard, firm licks which already got John squirming under him. This was why he’d bought the small spreader, because he’d known he would need his hands free to hold John still once they got going. He knew it was teasing, the wet heat of his tongue stimulating the nerves but doing nothing to give them what they wanted. He moved to lick around John’s rim in circles, edging around his hole, each time getting close to it but not quite penetrating until John was making the most beautiful sounds, desperate little cries, trying to lift his ass closer to Jack’s mouth against the firm pressure on his buttocks holding him down.

Finally he relented, and pushed just the very tip of his tongue inside, flicking it in and out, rimming, entering again. He kept it up until John was panting softly, unconsciously making little thrusts of his cock into the pillow. He needed more. Jack put the tip of his tongue just inside and pressed in, John’s body happily letting him do it, opening up for him easily. He went as far as he could and licked the walls of John’s rectum, moving his tongue in circles, then pulling out, gently tongue fucking him for a few seconds, going back to licking him within. 

Blindly, he reached for the lube, coating two fingers. Lifting his head away, he replaced his tongue with his index finger and fucked John with it, not going deep but moving in slowly increasingly wide circles, opening him. When he was able, he slipped his tongue inside alongside his finger and John bucked up in surprise, crying out in pleasure.

He got the spreader coated in lube too and easing out, he pushed one edge of the small circular device passed John’s sphincter to sit just inside his hole, flared surround holding open the sensitive muscle in the most delicious way. Sliding his hand between John’s body and the pillow, he touched an iron hard erection with his fingertips, there was no softening, nothing in John’s behaviour to suggest he was in any way unhappy with the thing inside him.

Jack went back to work, hands on John’s ass, fingers pressing gently into the firm cheeks, licking between them, inside him, unencumbered, nothing blocking his access, nothing trying to hold him in or push him out. He sucked on the sensitive muscle that was being spread for him, bring careful not to rub too harshly with his beard.

‘You are divine, John,’ he murmured when he lifted his head and put his index finger through the spreader, caressing the bundle of nerves inside him until John was writhing. He watched him for a few long seconds, then bent and pushed his tongue back inside John’s body alongside his finger. John howled softly, hips lifting, fingers clawing in the sheets, fingers Jack wanted in his hair, on his head, pushing his mouth against his ass the way John held him when he had his mouth around his cock. But each step took time, and for now this was enough, more than enough, as he added a second finger, fucking him gently, slowly until John’s mutterings turned to pleas. He withdrew, reaching for the new vibrator that he’d left on the bed close to hand. It was no bigger than one of his own fingers, and after applying a covering of lube, he slipped it through the spreader easily into John’s body, settling the top of it against John’s prostate, easier given the view he had inside the pliant body.

John moaned at just the touch of it, and when Jack turned it on, he gave a surprised yelp, held in place by a firm hand on hip, trying to pull away and push closer at the same time. Jack hushed him, dropping a line of wet kisses to the inside of his thigh.

‘Hold still,’ he murmured, trying not to laugh.

‘I’m trying, it’s just-‘ Jack noticed the vibrator up to the next speed and John’s hips bucked as he let loose a string of profanities. If not for the ring, the direct stimulation would have wrung his orgasm from him by now. He pressed two fingers through the spreader, up alongside the vibrator, pressing it harder against John’s prostate, making him yell and shudder with the intensity of it.

Never intending for any of their sexual exploits to be torture, Jack turned the vibrator off, drew it out with his fingers and pushed his face back into John’s cleft, licking around the edge of the gently abused hole, tongue smoothing the place where the edge of the spreader met hot, vulnerable flesh. 

John’s body was in constant motion but he managed to string words together to make a sentence: ‘Please Jack, please just fuck me. I need it, need you.’

Jack couldn’t ignore that. Reaching for the lube, he rubbed it around the twitching muscle and slid the spreader out easily, slicking up his cock, getting to his knees and pushing into John’s body in one steady, smooth thrust.

‘Come up.’ With one hand on John’s belly and the other in the middle of his chest, he helped him slide his knees forward and come up to straddle his thighs, legs wide apart, leaning back against Jack’s chest. Jack could see his cock; flushed, wet head leaking despite the restraint at its base. He was so close, held back only by the ring. ‘Touch yourself,’ he breathed, and watched John wrap his hand around his iron hard cock. He loved seeing the platinum band of his wedding ring sliding up and down his gorgeous cock, watch it snag gently on the ridge of his glans. John was less gentle with himself than he was with Jack, than Jack was with him, knowing how just much pressure to exert, exactly how tight he could make his fist.

With John in his lap, Jack couldn’t thrust, could only make tiny movements with his hips, but the position meant he was seated deep inside, just the way John loved it. He could reach around and stroke the inside of John’s thigh, pull very gently on his balls, rub his perineum, touch the stretched rim of his anus.

John gave a dry sob and Jack reached up, purring, ‘Come for me, Johnny,’ as he unlatched the cock ring; feeling, hearing, watching his orgasm tear through him. His dick spurted thick ribbons of come over his hand and the pillow in front of him, his body clenched around Jack’s cock, and Jack’s own climax came as a surprise, pulled from his balls by the pressure all the way up his shaft, around the base of him.

When he could think straight again, he eased out, sat back, let John drop his feet to the bed, then his legs, and dropped to lie beside him, still breathing hard. ‘Fuck.’

‘That was…. You are….’ 

Jack laughed. ’For a man famous for his rousing speeches, that was pathetic.’

‘My brain’s been turned to mush from having various parts of my husband inside me.’

*

Michael noted what beer Franks was drinking and took a glass of the same over to where he was standing at the edge of the private dining room, ramrod straight, looking so out of place it would have been funny if the man hadn’t been a complete asshole. He didn’t even have to start the conversation.

‘Garibaldi isn’t it? You were chief of security on Babylon 5?’

He nodded once. ‘I was.’

‘Seems weird, you being the president’s head of security, given that you were the one who handed him over to Clarke in the first place.’

Michael gripped the bottle harder, but this was just going to be sweeter, because now he wasn’t doing this just for John, or Jack, but for himself too. 

‘Sheridan’s fast to forgive, when he has a good reason to. I’m lucky though, because man, he can hold a grudge with the best of them. If he hadn’t forgiven me, he could have made life very, very unpleasant for me.’

‘He doesn’t look like the type.’

‘Oh, you have no idea. He looks like butter wouldn’t melt, right? It’s just an act. Underneath, he’s as mean as they come. For example, you met Jack Maynard? The First Gentleman? Twenty five, thirty years ago, some jerk assaulted him in a club on Mars. John found out, and ’s got a couple of guys looking into it. He’s not going to rest until the poor bastard suffers. And I mean, suffers. The guys he’s paying, they’re infamous sadists. John asked for them by name. When they find the guy who assaulted Jack, he’s seriously going to regret it.’

For a moment, he thought Franks didn’t remember at all. Then he saw it, a spark of recall. ‘What kind of club?’

‘Some S&M place.’

‘Well, what did he expect, going into one of those? It’s what it says on the tin; sadists and masochist. If you’re not one or the other, stay away.’

‘Some guys just want a little domination, they don’t want… whips and chains, they don’t want some guy’s arm shoved up their ass.’

Franks sorted. ‘You go into somewhere like that, you deserve what you get.’

Michael smiled wryly. ‘Tell that to the President of the ISA. Believe me, he does not see it that way. In his eyes, someone assaulted his husband, and either he gets an apology, or he gets blood. And I know Sheridan well enough to promise you that one day, he will get what he wants.’

*

‘What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever had inside you?’

Lying flat on the bed, knee bent, one foot waving lazily in the air, John tried to remember anything unusual. ‘In my ass? Nothing weird… just sex toys.’

‘No fruit or veg?’

‘No!’ John laughed. ‘Have you?’

‘As a kid I tried experimenting with a zucchini Mum had bought from the local farm.’ 

He tried to imagine that but his brain kept refusing to picture the scene. ‘Ever used a machine?’

‘What kind of machine?’

‘The kind with a dildo attached.’

‘Ah. No. Too big to transport although I know there were… places on certain planets.’

‘Centauri Prime.’

‘Really?’

‘And it’s not something they’re shy about either.’

‘You know, I can imagine they wouldn’t be. Egos like mountains that race. Have you ever….?’

‘No. But I’ve watched someone, a braver man than me. It looked… relentless. Makes me feel a bit queasy now, but at the time it was… so erotic.’

Jack laughed softly. ‘You’re so kinky.’

‘Was.’

‘Are. You’re the one who bought that cock plug.’

‘You were the one who suggested it. I do want to try it though.’

Jack turned onto his side and raising up on his elbow, leaned down to drop featherlight kisses to John’s shoulder. ‘Because you’re a mass of contradictions.’ John turned to face him, mirroring his position. ’Despite everything, you love having me deep inside you. You hate catheters but you get hard every time you think about the plug. You accepted the most prestigious job in the galaxy but tonight you’ve blown off the President of EarthGov to have sex with me.’

‘Interesting choice of words.’ Jack smiled but didn’t grace him with a response. ‘Before you were here, I hadn’t missed a single meeting with anyone. I’d said no to a lot, but if I accepted something, I damn well went.’

‘But you didn’t accept. This is actually you in a nutshell. Someone told you to attend, so you didn’t. You hate doing what other people tell you to do, whether it be attend a lavish dinner or blow up an enemy ship. If it’s your decision, that’s one thing, but if it’s someone else’s…. It’s interesting, and I keep trying to remember if you were always like this or if it’s a relatively new thing.’

‘I think it’s something that’s… matured over the years. Joining the military is essentially giving over control of your life to other people, people you trust to put it to good use. You know that as well as I do. And I was absolutely fine with that, I wanted to serve, be a part of something good. As soon as I stepped aboard B5… that changed. I was manoeuvred into the place that eventually led to Mi… my being captured on Mars, to me even being that man, the one they needed to get rid of. Don’t get me wrong, I embraced the role in the end, completely and utterly, becoming who they wanted me to be. It just happened. But that man… that me, died on Mars, in those cells. That me wouldn’t have fallen in love with you. He wouldn’t have fallen in love with anyone. He was not a nice man. But I’m glad he was… there. I don’t think I would survived without him. I know that must sound insane….’

‘No. It doesn’t.’

‘If I hadn’t become him, Michael would never have done what he did.’

‘Do you know that for sure?’

John hesitated. ‘No. I just know I made it easier for him.’

‘He betrayed you, a man he’d loved. Once that tipping point had been reached, once the… programme or whatever had been launched in his mind, I don’t think who or what you were beyond being his target would have made any difference.’

‘I wasn’t though. I wasn’t Bester’s target. I was… a side effect, a bi-product, a means to an end. And I honestly don’t know if that’s better or worse.’

‘When I first went aboard B5, I honestly thought everyone was talking in metaphors. When I realised literally no one was, that everyone meant every word they were saying… that took some time to get my head around. But once I had, I understood you and what you’d been through a lot better. Not Mars, obviously… but the rest of it. I was such a naive idiot, insinuating you were being sidelined.’

‘I wish you’d been right.’

‘Me too.’ 

John shifted closer, dropped his head to Jack’s shoulder and got his arm around his waist. ‘They say there’s nothing worse than a boring life.’

‘You’re way beyond living what’s traditionally thought of as an interesting one,’ Jack pointed out. ‘I’d be happier if you tried for something in between.’

‘I can promise I’ll try.’

‘I’ll take that.’

*

As they so often did, the nightmare crept up on him, starting out as something innocent, innocuous, turning suddenly; inky black, sickly. The metallic taste of blood in his mouth, chest hurting, head hurting, dick feeling like it was on fire. Vision blurred, eyes stinging, lips cracked, mouth dry. A needle in his arm, long and sharp. Collar around his throat and cuffs around his wrists, sending sparks of pure agony along his burnt out nerves. He’d scored through skin and flesh trying to pry them loose, made himself bleed. That was days ago. Cuts he’d made with his own fingernails, infected now, killing him slowly. Not fast enough. Stomach cramping, guts churning, heart racing. Dying. If only death would take him faster. Jumbled thoughts difficult to focus. His name, spoken quietly, hands which felt gentle and not at all like the fists that had punched him, the clawing fingers that had scratched and yanked.

‘John.’ 

Stephen had always advised against slapping him, and the trick he’d got Susan to use to bring John out of his flashback wasn’t one he used when he was asleep. His brain interpreted signals differently during nightmares and night terrors, different to when he was awake but not aware. 

‘John.’ 

Jack rubbed the backs of his hands, his wrists and arms, saying his name, loud and clear, calling to him, trying to wake him.

Blue eyes filled with fear opened, unfocused at first but finally seeing him. Only when he was sure John was back with him did he press firm fingertips to the pulse point at his wrist and count; three minutes, heart rate slowing with each minute that passed. Hot fingers curled around his forearms.

‘John. You’re okay.’ 

‘I’m okay.’ He sounded like he was trying to convince himself, at least the first time. ‘I’m okay.’ That sounded more certain. Jack slipped an arm around his shoulders and gathered him close, John’s head coming to rest in the dip of his shoulder. The threat from the JPP was bringing everything to the fore again; reopening barely healed mental scars, reawakening vivid, painful memories.

Jack stroked his fingers through the fine, white-grey hair, rubbing John’s back with his other hand, rhythmic movements meant to sooth and ground him. It would be a while before John went back to sleep, if he did before dawn, and that was okay, Jack was happy to see the sunrise with him. 

‘Ops: open bedroom blinds.’

They rose up silently. It was a clear night, bright moons, and the white ghostly light flooded into the bedroom, not quite touching the foot of the bed. 

‘Sorry,’ John murmured, and Jack squeezed him gently, briefly.

‘Nothing to be sorry for. Everything that’s happening, it’s not surprising you’re having nightmares and flashbacks.’

‘It’s always the same things, over and over again.’

Jack rested his cheek against John’s hair. ‘It would be a little strange for you to be dreaming of… I won’t know, rabid monkeys or blood thirsty werewolves.’

John lifted his head, and Jack felt him press into his hand with just a little pressure. ‘Rabid monkeys? Blood thirsty werewolves? Seriously?’

‘You know what I’m saying. Your brain has all the horror it needs, it doesn’t have to make shit up.’

‘Would be nice if it would, once in a while.’ He settled again. ‘Change the record.’

Jack tightened his arms, cuddling him. ‘It’s no surprise, John, none at all, that you’re reliving it. I’m here, the same way I was the first time around. I’ll always be here for you.’

*

Michael brought them up to speed over breakfast, before their morning meeting with Luchenko and her entourage. 

‘Seems Luchenko is right in her assessment of the JPP, or at least the part of it that’s got your medical records. Marcus has made contact with a man called Mason Levi, he’s the the spokesman ISN have contact with. He’s claiming that he and Jonah Andersen siblings had no connection with the JPP, that Maria Andersen was working with two brothers, Martel and Gaili Petrov. Rumour has it, it’s Gaili who was responsible for the arranging the hack. He’s got a file as long as your arm; theft, assault, rape, kidnap. He’s not got any tech qualifications, but it’s our guess that he knows people who do. Marcus has talked to the authorities in EarthGov but what they’re lacking is evidence. He thinks there’s a way of backtracking the hack and he’s working on that.’ 

‘Surely if they release the files, that’s evidence.’

‘Only if it can be proved they released them, or even stole them in the first place.’

‘Does Luchenko know about Marcus being on Earth?’

‘She does as of last night. As soon as he approached the authorities, I told her. Speaking of which, what happened to you two? Susan hates being left to represent at those things.’

‘Sorry. All this has… brought a lot of stuff back to the surface.’ Michael shifted under the vulnerability in those puppy dog eyes. Jack thought he must have known he was being played, just a little, but he didn’t say anything. How could he? Technically, the reason they hadn’t made the dinner was John preferring to spend the night with Jack’s tongue in his ass. He tried to hide his chuckle at the obvious joke, lifting his coffee, but John caught it and shot him a warning glance laced with a filthy smile.

‘Luchenko wants me to countersign a statement to the effect that EarthGov categorically condones all forms of torture and isn’t holding any political prisoners in any of its facilities on Earth or Mars.’

Michael obviously wasn’t convinced. ‘Is that true?’

‘She says it is.’

‘Do you trust her?’

‘Honestly?’ John shrugged. ‘No. She’s not Clarke, but she’s still EarthGov.’

‘John… she’s asking you to accept the risk that they’ll release your records to the media.’

‘I know.’

‘To protect her own ass.’

‘She’s a politician. Of course that’s what she’s doing.’

‘Yet you’re thinking of signing anyway.’

‘She’s got more to lose than me.’

Michael leaned forward, forearms on the table. ‘No, she hasn’t. You’re talking about your privacy, they have… very personal details that they can have interpreted in lots of different ways. If they’re in this for the exploitation rather than the cause Jonah Andersen believed in… they can make the interpretation very intimate.’

John looked uncomfortable, but not put off. ‘What other choice is there?’ 

Jack watched the back and forth between Michael and John, wondering not for the first time what they must have been like in bed together. It wasn’t something he tortured himself with, but he did find himself thinking about, now and again.

‘Give us more time. Give Marcus more time. We can stop them. Tell Luchenko she’ll get her signature if we run out of time.’

He seemed to think about that, and Jack was relieved when he nodded, a little uncertainly. ‘Okay. She leaves tomorrow.’

Michael reached for the mug of mocha that was slowly cooling on the table. ‘Thanks.’

‘What time’s our meeting with her this morning?’

‘Around… five minutes ago. You’re never on time for meetings. Don’t worry. And after you both missed dinner… just tell her you didn’t feel well.’

*

Luchenko seemed happy with the setting of a deadline for Marcus and his team back on Earth, after which time John would make a decision on signing the statement. She ideally wanted his assurance that he would sign, but he wasn’t willing to offer that, and she didn’t have very much choice. 

‘Susan’s offered me a tour of Tuzanor today.’ There was a glance between the two women that Jack wondered if he was mis-interpreting. ‘So I’m happy with staying on. I’m sorry to say General Franks has already left, some emergency recall back to Earth.’ Jack glanced at John, who looked as surprised as he was, and then at Michael, who definitely didn’t. ‘I was hoping, while I’m here, to get an update on the Excalibur.’

The Excalibur was a new destroyer class starship, a collaboration between Earth and the ISA, was supposedly going to be the fastest, most powerful ship in the galaxy. 

John didn’t like it because he thought the design looked like an alien sex toy.

‘Preliminary engine tests are in progress,’ Michael reported. ‘We’ve had to make a few changes to a couple of the systems, primarily ship wide comms which was originally based on a metal wrist device. That’s now back to the link system used by both the ISA and EarthForce.’

Susan looked bemused by that. ‘Why did they move away from it in the first place?’

Luchenko replied, ‘There have been issues in the past with the link devices detaching from the user during certain… situations.’

‘I’ve been in bar brawls and it’s stayed put,’ John pointed out. ‘We’ve never had any problems.’

‘The bracelet type device is a better design. They can’t be removed without the use of a magno-key.’

‘So they’re around the wrist… permanently?’ 

She looked at Jack like she wasn’t even sure why he was there, at the meeting, never mind asking questions. ‘Only while the crew is aboard the ship. That way every crew member is always contactable.’

He sat forward. ‘And you don’t see why that might be a problem for some people?’

Her expression was blank, and he saw John shake his head, a small movement meant for him. He sat back, let it go.

She did ask, ‘How much did that redesign cost?’

‘I didn’t ask.’ Michael’s tone made it clear the decision wasn’t up for discussion.

‘So why….’ 

John pre-emptied the question, leaning forward, pushing up his the sleeves of his jumper and holding out his arms to her, wrists up. ‘These scars are from self-inflicted wounds, fighting the manacles and pain cuffs Clarke’s interrogators put on me. I can’t wear anything tight around my wrists, or neck, because that feeling causes flashbacks which are so real, I worry one day I’ll actually hurt someone trying to escape from them. I anyone grabs me by my wrists, I have a full blow panic attack. That’s why.’

She held his look for a moment, and nodded once. ‘I’m sorry. For what you went through at the word of my predecessor. He was the worst of us.’

John seemed to accept that, and sat back, pulling his sleeves down over his hands, an old habit returning. ‘Do you have anyone in mind for test runs?’

‘I do, actually. I was going to run the files by you once we’d completed full background checks.’

‘It should be ready for initial flights in six months,’ Michael said, and she nodded. 

‘That should fit fine. The captain I have in mind is commanding an explorer ship at the moment, we’re aiming to bring it back to Earth in the next couple of months.’

‘We’ll want rangers on board, as agreed.’ 

‘Of course. I’ll leave that to you to arrange. Like I say, I’ll make sure you have the chance to vet the chosen crew before we make any final decision.’ 

‘Thank you.’

‘Now, if that’s all….’

Enjoy your tour,’ Jack told her, glancing at Susan, wondering if Marcus really did have competition. 

*

Michael took the call from Marcus in his office, keeping it private, between the two of them. When the ranger appeared on the screen, he looked uninjured, but rattled.

‘Marcus.’

‘We’ve found Martel and Gaili Petrov. They own a remote place in Washington State. We’re holding them at the moment, and I’m sending you an encrypted file containing images of everything we’ve found; for your eyes only.’

‘Do they have the medical files?’

‘Yes. We found a room that seems to be the base of operations for the so-called JPP. We’ve seized a lot of computer equipment along with data crystals containing the downloaded files.’

‘The file’s come through.’

‘Michael… before you open it…. There’s a wall in the room with a couch facing it. On the wall, there was an enlarged copy of the photograph Jonah Andersen had. There were other images too - the photos are in the file I sent. When we raided the place, the two brothers were… enjoying themselves on the couch. You’re not going to like it.’ 

Michael opened the file on a second screen and clicked through the contents, nausea rising in his stomach when he realised what he was looking at: printed copies of John’s medical files from after Mars and other incidents prior to it, tacked to the wall, with individual words and phrases circled in red, lengths of twine running from pins next to the circles out to pinned photos, images, all of them pornographic in nature. In particular, a line reading ‘Tears to the anus, rectum and bowls indicate forced insertion of foreign object’ was linked to a photo of a man, bound and gagged, legs held wide open by ropes, while something that looked like a baseball bat had been pushed into his ass. Other images: a blindfolded man on his knees with a massive dildo forced into his mouth and down his throat; a bound man with a Narn pain collar around his neck, wrists, ankles, something too wide sticking out of his dick; lots of bondage. 

Alone, the images might have been a turn on, but linked as they were to injuries John had sustained over the years, the wounds inflicted on him by Clarke’s men on Mars…. The idea they’d been fantasising about what had been done to him, with that photo of him taken on Mars…. Michael turned back to Marcus. 

‘Kill them.’

‘I can’t. As vile as they are, I can’t kill two unarmed men.’

‘If you bring them here, I’ll do it because I don’t want Jack doing it.’

Marcus hesitated. ‘Leave them to us. Tell John at least this side of things has been dealt with. We’ll be back on Minbar within the week.’

Michael nodded. ‘Thanks.’

*

Michael found Jack just returning from a meeting, heading for his office. 

‘I need to speak to you.’

Jack obviously recognised his tone and nodded, not asking what it was about until the door was closed against prying ears. Michael handed him the data crystal containing the file Marcus had sent. 

‘This is everything Marcus found in the Petrovs’ place. It’s not easy to look at and I think it would be better if you told John rather than showed him, or even… kept it between us. I don’t know what’s best here, whether not telling him is worse. But I think you should be the one to decide. We’ll go along with whatever you chose to do.’

‘I don’t want to look at this, do I?’

‘No. Sorry.’

‘Where are they, the Petrovs?’

‘Gone. Marcus is taking care of it.’

He nodded. ‘Good. That’s something at least.’ He turned the crystal over in his fingers. 

‘It’s worth keeping in mind, apart from the photo taken on Mars, none of the other images are actually him. They’re downloaded, random pictures taken from porn sites, stills from movies, that kind of thing.’

Jack put the crystal down on his desk and turned, leaning against the edge of it. ‘Can I ask you something?’

‘Anything.’

‘When you two were together… John told me you’d talked about a threesome. Not with anyone in particular but… could you have done that? Could you have shared him?’

Michael raised his eyebrows at the unexpected subject. ‘He and I… didn’t have what you and he have got. We were just about the sex. That’s all it was.’

‘But you loved him - love him. I know you do.’

He nodded. ‘I do. I think he’s one of the most… astonishing, beautiful, visceral men I’ve ever known. Made my dick ache just looking at him.’ That wasn’t something he was about to apologise for, but there was at least enough distance between them for him to see a punch coming. He was never in love with me the way I was with him, and I think I knew he never would be. That was okay, I was fine with it, I had what I wanted. John kept his heart closely protected, but he was generous with his body. With him, love and sex were separate, to a point. So yes, we talked about a threesome but we never did that because the right third person never materialised. Between Z’Ha’Dum and Mars, neither of us were the people we had been. It was over, ended when he left on a White Star I’d arranged to be carrying nukes. It was just that neither of us knew it then. I can understand your fierce protectiveness towards him, I know the idea of sharing him with anyone is impossible for you to contemplate. And I know he would not want to be shared. You have a part of him I never had, never even saw.’

‘But he likes the fantasy.’

‘We all like the fantasy. Nothing wrong with it. He and I never talked about things like that, never… shared in that way. I regret it. I bet he’s got a filthy imagination.’ Jack didn’t respond and Michael smiled. ‘It’s who he was, not who he is. You know him better than any of us now and I can promise you, he isn’t the same man who came aboard B5 just as the Shadow War started, not the same man I was sleeping with, and definitely not the man who returned from Z’Ha’Dum. His ideals are the same, deep down, his motivations, but his whole world was turned upside down and shaken up, his faith has been shattered, which took with it his arrogance, his bravado; the things that made him the right person to lead the fight against the Shadows and the rebellion against Clarke. But I believe it was you coming along that changed him fundamentally, from the not suicidal but definitely absurdly dangerous risk taker he was, even after Mars, to the man he is now. You’ve given him something the rest of us never could; a reason to live, a reason to stay alive. I’m not saying he ever wanted to die, but there was a distinct feeling that if he did die, he wouldn’t have minded, as long as it was for a good cause, so long as he had a reason, something to write on his grave stone. Now… now he would fight tooth and nail to keep breathing, to grow old with you.’

Jack tapped his fingers against the edge of his desk. ‘What’s on the data crystal? What are the images of?’ 

Michael described the wall as Marcus had described it, as it looked in the photographs. ‘You’re telling me they were… getting off on his suffering, like it was porn?’

He nodded. ’Some sort of sick medical kink.’

‘With my husband as the subject.’ Michael felt for him. He knew from experience how difficult it was to protect John from himself, moreover to know what had to be done was going to hurt him. ‘He’s been through enough. I’ll ask him if he wants to see them or if he wants me just to tell. He’ll definitely want to know. I should have told him about Andersen.’

‘You were protecting him. He wasn’t strong enough then.’

‘Maybe. I’d hoped blowing the facility on Mars to hell would stop anything coming back to haunt him, but it was naive to think that.’

‘It prevented the worst of it coming back to haunt him. You did the right thing, on Mars and with Andersen. You’ll always have the toughest choices to make when it comes to what to tell him and what not to. But the important thing is that it’s you telling him, and you’re the best of us at stopping him from shattering.’

There was slightly less challenge than usual in the warm, brown eyes when Jack said, ‘Thank you.’

Michael nodded. ‘Let me know what you decide so I don’t put my foot in it again.’ He opened the door. ‘You’re a good man, Jack.’

He stared. ‘Where did that come from?’

‘I don’t know. Don’t hold me to it.’

Jack was laughing when he left, and he felt good about that.


End file.
